Getting ready for that final trip

As the year-end nears and people are reflecting on rebirth and renewal, my thoughts have turned to death, instead.

A distant relative, who makes a regular trip to Singapore every four or five years to visit the friends and relatives she left behind when she migrated to England, revealed that she had begun to make her own funeral preparations. She was already 77, she explained.

She had settled her affairs with regard to her house and left instructions on what to do should she go into a coma. And, on this last trip, she made her peace with everyone she met.

After my father died, my mother immediately went to see a lawyer to make a will. Bolstered by her faith, she appears to approach death without trepidation.

I also spoke to a woman who had cancer of the womb and who was not yet ready to face death. She had her womb taken out last year. Although her religion, too, assures her a place in the afterlife, I sense she is not so eager to move on. Despite this, she, too, has made detailed plans for her final exit.

As Singapore prepares for an ageing population, many of us have to face the fact that our mortality may not be that far off.

Last year, in the space of six months, two acquaintances of mine died in their sleep, leaving behind grieving mothers aged over 70 to look into their affairs.

Indeed, six reported sudden deaths in the last two months — including five healthy young people who died in their sleep — may have led some to wonder if they might be next.

Not many people would prepare for their final exit with the same attention given to their wedding. Indeed, most readily expend time, effort and money in the latter.

Yet, death is an inevitable conclusion for all of us. Most people, however, act like frail actors beyond their prime, hogging life and thinking they will be that one unique individual who will not grow old, and who can escape death.

It does not help that society does not appreciate ageing — judging from the number of anti-ageing paraphernalia advertised. A relative of mine is being pressured to dye his hair black, as it is thought no one will hire an old man with white hair as a security guard.

We are all afraid to die. Part of the fear comes from the fear of the unknown.

We wonder where we will go. Will we have to suffer for our transgressions? How do we know we won't feel pain at being cremated? And who will look after our loved ones?

As a child, a visit to the Ten Courts of Hell exhibit in Haw Par Villa instilled in me a terror of death. Now that I am an adult, I've recently started thinking that I want to face death squarely.

If I love my family, I must ensure that my death does not add to their misery of losing me.

So, I have come up with a to-do list that I must complete before the year ends.

Firstly, I will check the nomination made to my Central Provident Fund and ensure that all my six children will have an equal share of my funds.

Secondly, I will cancel all my credit lines and credit cards. This is because of a discovery that if I were to die suddenly, my next of kin would inherit my debts.

Thirdly, I will make an Advance Medical Directive. It might not be the same one provided by the Ministry of Health but I will let my next of kin know how far to go to keep me alive.

Finally, I will plan my funeral like a bride plans for her wedding. I will decide on the songs, the kind of service to have and how long the wake will be.

Some people may feel it is unlucky to think about death and that it might hasten the unwelcome event. But not caring enough to prepare for one's death might just be one of the most selfish, unloving acts towards our loved ones.

This article first appeared in Today on 18.12.2006.


P.S. I have left instructions that the picture found in this blog profile be used as my lorry photo. For those who are coming for my wake, have fun, spread happy thoughts. Be Good, Be Happy. Be Gone.

Of course there will be a Toastmaster meeting at my wake with table topics and prepared speeches. The great philospher should return the favour and present a eulogy for me just as I have done for him at the NUSA Toastmaster meeting long time ago.

Please treat this as a personal invitation. We will need a L.E. G.E T.M.E and T.T.M, Timer and Ah Counter.

My students will remember that when asked when to hand up their work I often say "Before I die."

This season, spread only good cheer

Unlike Hong Kong, we have become too lax with our habits, post-Sars


HEALTH Minister Khaw Boon Wan's comments on Sunday ("March in step to stop disease outbreak", Dec 11) — coming on the heels of my visit to Hong Kong — made me wonder if Singaporeans have forgotten the lessons of the Sars crisis.

Mr Khaw, speaking at the opening of the annual Keystone symposia, urged governments and individuals to regain the "spirit of decisiveness and openness" they displayed during the 2003 Sars outbreak, and which they appear to have lost.

On my recent trip to Hong Kong, I was with a group of people who walked around in public wearing masks. I could only infer that they had the flu and did not want to spread the bug.

At the train stations, I heard public announcements reminding those with the flu to wear masks.

I also saw a sign that read "automatic sterilisation of hands" over a device at the hostel where I was staying. And at Hong Kong airport and the immigrant centre in Shenzhen, visitors were screened for fever.

Based on such anecdotal encounters, I cannot help but feel that people in Hong Kong have taken the lessons from the Sars epidemic far more seriously than Singaporeans have.

Here, since the Sars episode three years ago, I have encountered only one colleague who wore a mask when she had a flu.

I, for one, have been guilty of not bothering to use a mask out of self-consciousness — I am afraid of the stares I will get if I did so.

I have also given up the habit of sterilising my hands properly due to laziness. I try to justify this omission by telling myself that if sterilising facilities were provided, I would use them.

The Sars outbreak caught us by surprise and it took us some time to establish good habits and a protocol to break the chain of transmission.

With hindsight and forewarning of the potential deadliness of the avian flu, our Government has been taking proactive steps to prepare for a potential pandemic.

Contingency plans are in place, Tamiflu has been stockpiled and regular checks are conducted on wild birds. But this might not be sufficient if we do not all go back to the good habits adapted during the Sars epidemic.

It boils down to taking personal responsibility to protect the community when we are ill.

It means covering our mouth and nose with tissue when coughing or sneezing, and not spitting in public (which is a finable offence in any case).

Most important of all, we should wash our hands with soap and warm water after going to the toilet or handling live birds, raw poultry and uncooked eggs.

Three years ago, medical experts warned that there was no room for complacency when dealing with Sars and other infectious diseases.

This Christmas, as we gather for celebrations, let us remember to spread only good cheer — and not the flu virus.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 14.12.2006

Reflection at Hong Kong Day 4 and 5

I am now back in Singapore safe and sound having slept the whole of Saturday recovering from living in Hong Kong.

Day 4 saw me going to Shenzhen but did not survived for three hours and I decided to leave. I did not like the place at all and felt very lonely. The sales ladies were very good as they managed to make me buy a lot of stuff without realising that I do not need them.

I suddenly felt so home sick that I tried to convince the airline office to let me change my flight but I could not. I went to several hotels but they were all overbooked. I could not stay at the Institute hostel as it was the last day of the conference and I had to check out.

I found a hotel that is like Hotel 81 type. I stayed there for two hours to rest my legs and then went out for dinner. I looked at a night market but could not buy any stuff as I did not have much money left.

Next day, I woke up at 5 a.m.and waited for 6 a.m.before I explored Hong Kong. I have travlled on all the MRT lines and found a little town with a lot of governmnet flats.

Next, I went to Lantou Island to see the Big Buddah. I loved that place as there are many good relief where my students would have found it useful for map reading.

I went back to Taipo to get my luggages and presented a bunch of roses for Coco Ng who was kind enough to let me keep my bag at the Institute.

Also said Goodbye to the nice sales ladies who sold me 3 pair of boots. The Tim-sum ladies actually thanked me for selecting her tim-sum. The taxi driver waited for me at no extra charge when I wen to collect my luggage.

Last minute, I was mad enough to buy six botttles of conditioners and shampoo for my Ess and daughters only to find out that I cannot checked in as hand luggage. I was already 10 kg over weight (The baggage not me. Me I am 30 kg overweight) and this added to more weight.Sight.

Although I learnt alot from the conference, I felt very lonely and did not enjoy touring and exploring Hong Kong on my own.

LET THE CHILD OFF, AND DAMN HIM

WHEN I share with friends that we believe in caning our children, we are often met with disbelief and sometimes horror. Some would even suggest that we are barbarians.

Once, our six year old persisted in lying despite numerous efforts to explain to her the importance of telling the truth. She was caught red-handed this time and we decided to cane her.

Her grandmother became her greatest advocate; I guess she did not wish for us to inflict pain on her grandchild. But had we given in to grandma's pleas, our daughter would have learnt that she can escape the consequences of her actions.

Worse, she would have learnt that as long as an action can be rationalised away, she need not be caned.

We have a standard operating procedure for the caning session. First, the child is asked to go to the toilet to relieve herself. Then, she is required to bring the chair to us — this is the chair she bends over to present her backside for caning.

Next, she chooses the cane (normally it's the simple one). Notice that we have built up the tension for the session, so much that a light touch of the cane would bring on the maximum impact.

Of course, sometimes when the crime is very serious, we will not spare the rod and we give three or more hard thwacks on the backside that will leave red marks for a few hours, even days.

Does it work? Yes, as the fear of punishment or the memory of the caning session has made our children toe the line. Our friends are impressed that our six children are so obedient that our orders (especially their father's) are obeyed.

In our family, the father is the highest authority. Unlike the stern father figure that most of us have grown up with, my husband plays and laughs with the children. Yet they know that if they cross the line, they will get it from him.

Some fathers are afraid of appearing authoritative or aloof to their children. They try to be a "good buddy" or a good-time Joe to their children at all times.

By making life exclusively a game, they show not only that life is not serious but that authority is frivolous. Believing that he is doing good for his children, such a father instead creates a vacuum of authority in their mind.

Many teenagers, too, rebel against the discipline of the home. French author Henri Delassus warned against this phenomena in the early 20th century. He argued that a great mistake has been to ignore the traditional emphasis on the role of authority a husband and father should exercise.

I am not suggesting that the father should be an autocrat, where his home is his castle, his word is law and his wife and children tip-toe around his wishes. But by being authoritative, the father provides the boundaries for the child to grow up in a secure environment. The child knows that he can be free to grow and explore as long as he stays within the limits.

And if the child should cross the line, punishment must be immediate and painful. Too often, parents are afraid to allow their children to feel pain and deprivation. Instead, they explain away the children's wrongdoing, saying that he or she is still young, still growing.

The first concept my baby learns is the word: "No". As he crawls around the house, we say "no" if he touches the plug or other out-of-bounds items. If he insists, we hit him lightly on the hand and he soon learns that certain things cannot be done.

Of course, sometimes he cries and throws a tantrum, and we are tempted to give in. If we do so continuously, then he will grow up a spoilt brat. But if we ride out the crying storm, we teach him that blackmailing us is an ineffective way to get our attention.

Disciplining a child cannot be outsourced to the school. If a child is well brought up at home, he will learn to function well in school and there is no need for the school to discipline the child.

When a child does misbehave in class, the parent must support the school in applying punishment in accordance with its rules.

The greatest disservice any parent can do is to override the schools' authority — if the child gets away scot-free, he grows up leaning that he can break the rules of society.

"There is nothing to fear as my papa will bail me out," he thinks. That is, indeed, a fearful thought.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 30.11.2006

Reflection at Hong Kong Day 3

Today, I realised why so mnay studnets in Singapore found it difficult to understand physical geography and especially map reading. This is because Singapore's relief is flat with a small hill of about 100m at Bukit Timah.

Here in Hong Kong, it is surrounded by hills. That is what Kowloon means. Nine Dragrons refering to the nine hills arounding Hong Kong Island. I managed to take sometime off to see the PEAK. A tourist attraction where I can see the whole of Hong Kong but the view was not clear. Could be due to the haze or the mist. I also saw alot of ridges and vellys and inter-locking spur.

When I attended the conference dinner, I met a very progressive educator all the way from ..... Singapore. She was the main driver for the homeroom system and explianed to me why it was successful in her school.

In the mornig, I could not sleep and wrote an article about caning. Glad that it was published and I have posted it.(To my children you know what to do with the black file right? Bel I am refereing to you)


I brought three pairs of boots one for myself and two for my daughters. I must thanked them for helping to transfer money into my account so that I can survive in Hong Kong. After tomorrow conference ends, I will go to Shenzhen to look see look see.

Of course you can expect me to use what I have seen in Social Studies.



Attending this conference has allowed me to see how different countries trained teachers, how education has changed over time. A keynote addressed that impressed me was given by Jane Gilbert from New Zealand. She gave reasons why ITC is not working in many school all over the world. This is because knowledge is still seen as a noun something to rememeber, use it in the exam and then throw it away. She proposed that we see it as a verb . Think about that !!! What does it means? Powerful ? Right?

I will not have internet access until I come back to Singapore . So have a great day

Reflection at Hong Kong Day 2

It was an enriching experience meeting so many people in Hong Kong.
I did not know that Mayflower have such a good reputation that people here also said that it is a good school.

I presented my paper. Got many ideas on how I should go on imporving the way I am teaching in class and also how to imporve my research method. To do so I need about fifty of my students from Mayflower and Serangoon Sec to complete a survey form. If you all are interested please tell me and I will start on this project. I will email the survey form to you all.

Remember I taught you all about the ridge? Well I am living high up near a ridge which means I am surrounded by mountain.

After the conference, I went exploring and ended up in Hong kong Island. But the day ended so fast that by 6 p.m. it looked like ten p.m.in Singapore. It was pitch dark.

Also in this institute, the students are protesting about something. They have banner all over the campus protesting about an issue. When I can upload the picture you will be able to understand the issue.

My Cantonese suck big time.

Yesterday, at 9.30 a dragged myself wearly to a fast food resturant. Wah so much food for $8. I could not finish. There was bacon, two big piece of chicken, two pieces of beef and plenty of vegetable and fries.

I miss my family very much and am tempted to come home early but I will not.

Reflection At Hong Kong DAY 1

O.k. I am breaking with tradition. Normally I do not blog. I just upload my articles. But this is an exception. I am trying to blog and see the effect.

Yesterday woke up at 4 a.m. to catch a flight at 7 to Hong Kong. Slept most of the time. But Hey I managed to look at clouds from both side now.

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifyvhrfp kw&feature=PlayList&p=6E647A5F21AAC947&index=10)

Really . Saw from the top after being a Geography teacher for so long. All the convectional cells, Cumulus Clouds a field of Cumulonimbus Clouds anf of course Cirrus Clouds


Touched down at 10.30 a.m. and took me 2 whole hours and $30 (Sing) by two MRT and bus to get to the Hong Kong Institude of Education. It is sited in a mountain range surrounded by beautiful mountain. Unfortunately I could not down load my pic as i do not have the programme. And yes, there are spur, steep sided slope etc for those who still remember all the map reading stuff i have taught you.

So funny. My roommate took the same plane and went through the same journey like me and we only met in the room. She is a China born researcher at CRPP.

Explored Hong Kong by myself. Shopped at Girl Street. Went mad. Did not shopped for soooooo long what with making babies, teaching O level to students who are more interested in ..... ( i will not say much. Enough)

Now I have very little money left . (Sigh)

Tried to do last minutes slides so that I do not make a fool of myself today. My session is at 2.p.m. Do not even know where it is.

I am so afraid I will make a fool of myself. What if international audience asked me so many questions and I do not have the answers? I cannot remember a single thing I want to share with them. I have forgotten all my observations. Sigh.

I am so thankfull to all of you who have taken the time to give me feedback. It will help.

Here to Life. Life is Good. I am having fun. To night will try to go to the Peak. Tomorrow after the conference may be go to Macau to try Lady Luck. ha ha. but no I only have enough to take the expensive transport back.

Listening to U-tube. Feel like I am in Singapore as I always listen to U-tube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsqHeDtkP90&feature=PlayList&p=6E647A5F21AAC947&index=5&playnext=6

To my family:
Anicius--- hugs and kiss
Ariel--- So happy you are studying now
Atticus-- If you do not learn to read, you will not be able to understand this. Ha Ha
Amabel--- Brought sport shoes for you and some very nice T shirt. Four long sleves one. But your sister will sure to bag, borrow or steal
Aubrey --- Guest what ? You will have to bag, borrow or steal
Angus--- You cannot bag borrow or steal so I brought pents which I believe you sisters will bag, borrow or steal.

To my Ess--- Never give wife last minute box that cost $3.95 at 7-11. She do not know how to lie.

O.K. All It is 6.26 a.m. Going for breakfest, calm myself and must not feel small with all these researcher, PHD, BIG Shot speakers and Professors.

As the school have taught me. Be Mighty in Thoughts and Deeds, no matter how small i feel.

Teach Less, Lead More.

Paper presented for tne APERA conference

ABSTRACT:

This workshop focuses on the quality of thinking that students can develop in class. Socratic Dialogue is used to develop thinking skills. Students are trained to think clearly by questioning assumptions, asking insightful questions and exploring alternatives. In the Socratic Dialogue, entire lessons are devoted to fielding questions from the students instead of teaching from the textbook. A safe and inclusive environment is created which encouraged students to query and debate.
Keywords: Quality of thinking, Socratic Dialogue, Thinking Skills, assumptions, explore alteranative

INTRODUCTION

I experimented with my classroom teaching method by using the Socratic Dialogue with a class of social studies students. This experiment was inspired by my participation in Singapore’s one and only Philosophy Café, started by a professional philosopher, Mr. Lau Kwong Fook.

In addition, I was not satisfied with just content teaching. It was difficult to engage my students if I used the traditional talk and chalk method. Moreover, quality thinking seldom took place. Thus, I saw the need to change my teaching style so as to engage students in critical thinking.

Like many teachers, I used to focus on covering the syllabus and content at the expense of engaging students in thinking through the issue. For example, my students were able to explain factors involved in an issue without demonstrating their ability to provide comparative answers, where they can judge the relative importance of different factors in relation to an issue discussed.

I have come across two other educators using a similar method. The first was a math teacher, Rick Garlikov, who used this method -- to teach his third grade students binary arithmetic by asking them questions. He discovered that students did not get bored or lose concentration if they were actively participating in a classroom activity. However, he cautioned that this method takes a lot of energy and concentration, and that a teacher cannot do this for every topic or all day long. It demands a lot of preparation and thought.

The second was Assistant Professor Xiang Cheng from the Electrical and Computer Engineering Department of National University of Singapore (NUS). He used this method to teach control system design for guided weapons to graduate students pursuing a master degree. Like Garlikov, he discovered that the Socratic Method was one of the most effective ways to get students involved, as they had to figure out the answers by themselves. However, he warned that because of the complexity of the concepts involved, as well as time constraints, he could not implement the purest form of the Socratic Dialogue -- where only questions were used to arouse curiosity and to guide the students logically to figure out a complex subject through their own thinking. Thus he modified the method: he gave students hints when they got stuck.

My Socratic Dialogue, however, differs from both their approaches in one significant respect. Instead of me asking my students questions, I demand that my students ask the questions, either addressed to me or to each other.

DEFINITION OF PEDAGOGICAL APPROACH

Three outcomes can take place each time a teacher and students engage in class.

First, teaching occurs when most responsibility and power are laid on the shoulders of the teacher. He or she decides on the content, the pace and the quality of teaching that will take place in the classroom. Students are passive receivers of knowledge waiting patiently for the right moment (usually during the exam) to release back to the teachers what they had received.

Second, learning takes place when the focus is on the students. Teachers act as facilitators ensuring that students are engaged in their assigned activities. Normally, group interaction and exchange of information among students are paramount. Here the responsibility of learning rests on both the teachers and students. Teachers provide the worksheets, and students use them as a guide to their learning.

Third, education happens when teachers and students learn from each other. I experienced this process through the use of the Socratic Dialogue in my classroom teaching. Here power and responsibility lies in the students as they decide on the pace of the lesson and the quality of the lessons conducted. Students are given the right to lead the lesson to where they want to go depending on the quality of questions that they ask. Often they will ask me questions that I cannot answer, and that will encourage me to seek the answers and in the process I am educated.

INQUIRY-BASED EDUCATION AS THE PEDAGOGICAL PRINCIPLE

The pedagogical principle under lying the Scoratic Dialogue is based on the inquiry-based education as envisioned by John Dewey (1859 – 1952), an American philosopher, psychologist, and educational reformer.

Fundamentally, this approach is learner-centered. However, defining inquiry-based education is a challenge as it ranges from constructivism, problem-solving approaches to project-based learning. It is a multi-prong educational approach, with as many interpretations of Dewey’s version as there are teachers.

Underlying all these approaches is the learner, what he knows and what he wants to learn, and not on what can be taught. Dewey acknowledged that a learner has the instinctive desire to find things out and that he wants to communicate this discovery through conversation. He also recognised that schooling is not just about the individual but the coming together of the individual’s interest with those of society. The Socratic Dialogie is one approach where teachers can weave a child’s interest with those of society.

For learners, the Socratic Dialogue ends the listen-to-learn paradigm of the classroom and offers them an authentic opportunity to engage in learning though questioning. Through this, they make discoveries for themselves in their search for new understanding, and power is given to them as they decide on their pace of learning.

For the teachers, it ends their paradigm of talking-to-teach and recasts them in the role of a guide and mentor engaged in the same quest as the learners in class.

THE SOCRATIC DIALOGUE IN THE CLASSROOM

In the Socratic Dialogue, the stress is placed on broadening the intellect of the learner and the development of their critical thinking skills, rather than simply on the memorization of lessons. It gives the students the chance to discover thoughts, ideas and concepts for themselves. With this method, they arrive at the understanding of the concepts by themselves and the responsibility for learning lies with them.

The teacher is the catalyst directing students’ discussion rather than the bearer of all information. Open-ended questions are asked instead of closed-ended questions. The teacher talks less and allows the students to lead the discussion. A successful lesson is one where the discussion is student-dominated.

One of the desirable outcomes of this method is to observe the student see the light at the end of the tunnel. Often the student’s eyes light up when he or she figures out the solution to a problem. It is a way to refresh the student’s curiosity about the world, encourage him to be open and to take more risks and responsibilities in class.

The Socratic Dialogue is a simple process to implement. Students are forced to ask questions (failing which silence reigns) about a topic which they have been asked to read or research on. Based on the questions asked, the students will determine the quality of the lessons produced.

The difficult part is establishing this process of asking questions. Most students do not like to ask questions -- for a variety of reasons. They might not have a clue about the type of questions that need to be asked. They might feel shy and worried that their friends would laugh at them or worry that the teachers might scold them if they ask the wrong questions. The greatest obstacle is that they are seldom given an opportunity to question the teacher, as they have been conditioned in the classroom to accept everything that a teacher says.

To establish this culture of asking questions, I start the first lesson by playing a game of 20 questions. I will invite them to ask me 20 questions about anything under the sun. The questions can range from the silly ones like asking for my name, weight or height to serious ones like why are we in school. I promise the students that I will answer any question that they ask me, and I usually uphold my promise. I want to create a safe environment where students can feel secure asking questions. Once this rapport is established, it becomes easy to conduct the Socratic Dialogue with the students. Their curiosity aroused and satisfied, they will want to continue to using this method to study social studies.

IMPLEMENTATION IN THE CLASSROOM

There are two stages in conducting the Socratic Dialogue. In the first stage, students are asked to read the textbook chapter which will be discussed in the following lessons. I make the critical assumption that students will read the chapter assigned to them. Only if they do so will this method be successful.

In the second stage, where the Socratic Dialogue takes place, I will produce a stimulus for the students to consider. Usually this can be a cartoon, a text from a newspaper cutting, a picture, an extract from a website or any other relevant material related to the topic that they have read about. They are then invited to ask questions using the sources provided as a springboard. My role as teacher is to act as a resource person to answer some of the questions asked while asking some questions to encourage students to probe further. Sometimes I will redirect the questions to other students.

Although this method looks simple to implement, it demands a great deal from both the students and the teacher.

This method demands that students reflect and think independently and critically. In the process, it promotes self-confidence in one’s own thinking. At the same time, it promotes socialization skills as the class as a whole works together to search for truth in answer to a particular question. The aim of the class is to reach consensus as a way to deepen the examination of a particular issue.

Some of the questions that I have used for classroom discussion include

• Does size matter? (On the constrains that hinder the development of Singapore)
• Should Singapore aim to be a New York or a Tokyo? (On the type of development that Singapore should pursue with New York representing a creative and vibrant society, and Tokyo representing a hardworking but conformist society.)

• Is the Integrated Resort a boon or a bane?

For this method to work, I have to ensure that the discussion is grounded in the following areas.

First, the discussion must be held in the context of their experience. In this way, my students would see the relevance of pursing an issue in depth.

Second, students must work at a particular question until it is answered. They should not be satisfied with the first answer that is provided, but should test it with empirical evidence, contextual knowledge or cross reference it with other sources.

Third, students are trained to be open to the views and opinions of others, and to examine seriously both their own views and others so that everyone is working towards a consensus.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS

Using Socratic Method in the classroom, I have discovered that given this environment students can be as engaging and serious as the academically stronger students. In addition, they have ownership of the knowledge and concepts because they have discovered it by themselves. I also observed that they have begun to ask more in-depth and probing questions. They are also motivated to read up on their own.

However, I have observed that each student develops at a different pace. The more outgoing and outspoken students would buy in to this approach while those who are shy or have less confidence in themselves tend to be satisfied to be observers.

Some students argued that they have been taught in the traditional teacher-talk method since young and found it difficult to think and to come up with questions. They also found this method unstructured and ill-defined. They’d rather rely on notes where they can exercise their memory power. They requested for notes to be given to them and they promised that they would be able to learn the notes for the examination.

The greatest challenge thus is to break the paradigm that students have about teaching, learning and education. Students still feel uncomfortable when autonomy, responsibility and power are given to them. Perhaps their creativity and curiosity have been eroded over the years in their relentless pursuit of examination grades

The second challenge that I face is to ensure that the syllabus content is covered. Often, I have made the wrong assumption that if I have taught a chapter, then learning has taken place. This is not always true.

By using the Socratic Dialogue, I have an opportunity to check on the level of understanding of my students. When several students asked me a set of similar questions surrounding one particular topic, then it is an indication that they have a problem handling this topic. I would then take time to cover this topic in detail. In this way, students would not be bored when they are forced to listen to all the topics that are found in a textbook, even those that they do not have any problem with.

PROFESSIONAL AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

As a result of using the Socratic Dialogue with my students, I have come to respect them more. I have encountered many instances when I have an opportunity to learn from them. The type of questions that they asked during these sessions have educated me and forced me to examine the many assumptions that I had about them.

For example, many teachers believe that these students do not like history or social studies and feel that it is close to impossible to arouse an interest in these subjects. By using this method, I have discovered that students no longer view these subjects as far and remote but as having a bearing on their personal lives.

I have also learnt to trust these students to be responsible with their learning. Sometimes I have observed that they are disengaged or disinterested when they are attending lessons that are mainly teacher cantered and when a teacher does most of the talking. However, when it was time for social studies lesson, they are alive and eager as they are given an opportunity to be engaged, to express their feelings and opinions and to critically examine their classmate’s views and thought processes.

CONCLUSION

I am glad that I was given an opportunity to participate in a Philosophy café. It was through this experience that I brought this method of inquiry into my classroom. In this journey, I learn to respect everyone in the classroom. I have come to realise that everyone can think. Given a safe environment to explore and engage, any student can come up with interesting and original thoughts.

The Ess on Socratic Questioning

To all my ex-students in Catholic High, Serangoon and Mayflower,

Thanks to all the questions that you have asked in class, I am going to Hong Kong next week (Monday to Friday) for a conference.


The Asia Pacific Educational Research Association International Conference 2006
Educational Research, Policy, and Practice in an Era of Globalization:
The Asia Pacific Perspectives and Beyond
28-30 November 2006

Yes, unknown to all my classes, I have been doing a research on how well students in my class can think. Although I have my views, I would like to seek your views, your feedbacks on this method.

You know: where I do not bring textbooks to class, make you all sit in a circle, and make you all ask questions. If not, I will not say anything.

Be as honest as you can. The impacts, both positive and negative. It is all part of the learning process.

If I have the money, I would love to bring some of you all there. But being as poor as I am (sigh), I can only show them your comments. Drop it in the comment slot. I will also show them your response if there is internet access there.

(Hope there is. Then I will keep you all updated as the days go by in Hong Kong.)

If 5 people are interested in the paper that I have written for this conference, I will post it on this blog.

Thank you.

The Ess making an Ess of herself. What fun.

Going into (c)old storage

I FIRST met Rob, a nonagenarian, two years ago. At that time, he was living an independent life — he walked to church on his own and had a group of friends to talk to daily. He shared with me stories of his rich and colourful life in various parts of South-east Asia and of his 11 children.

Shortly after I first met him, he had a fall and was sent to live in a private nursing home in Katong.

I saw him again last Sunday, when a friend drove him over for a get-together. He told us life in the home was all right — he had three meals a day and could watch television any time he wanted.

But he was not content. He missed the social interaction. He missed his children, who do not visit him regularly. He was upset that they had put him in a home and occasionally taking him out of cold storage.

Rob's mind is still active — he could still hold an interesting conversation with us — but he hankered for more mental stimulation.

Another nonagenarian friend has been bedridden since February and is being looked after by his wife and daughter at home. Although they love him very much, the strain of looking after an invalid is apparent. Putting this man in a home would be better as he would receive professional care, but he would not be living among his loved ones.

As Singapore grapples with the dilemmas of an ageing population, it is comforting to know our Government is putting energy and resources into developing a support system that will ensure the well-being of the elderly.

Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong stressed that the idea to have a national policy to look after the elderly in our midst will go beyond physical infrastructure, such as lifts that stop on every floor in HDB blocks.

It includes the formation of social networks to look after the greying population, which is forecast to double by 2020, when there will be almost 600,000 people here above the age of 65.

The encounter with my two nonagenarian friends has set me thinking about ageing seriously. I asked my two teenaged daughters what they would do should one of their parents become bedridden.

Would they separate us and each look after one parent, or put us in a home?

And, if I were to be put in a home, would I be treated like something to enable others to complete their Community Involvement Projects so they can earn a badge or an award?

At Christmas, would I have to sit through numerous renditions of Jingle Bells and accept charity gift packages of a toothbrush, a face towel and biscuits?

Would I have to smile and shake hands with unknown visitors, to whom there would be no difference between a visit to a zoo and a nursing home?

As Singapore journeys on as a developed country, our basic physiological needs — such as for food, water and sleep, as defined by Abraham Maslow — will be largely met, even when we grow old.

Even the second level of needs — for safety and security — can easily be met, if we put all the elderly in nursing homes. They would be well taken care of by the nurses, geriatricians and other staff.

It is the third level of needs the Government would find difficult to provide. That is, the need for love and belonging, for friends and companions, a supportive family, even an intimate relationship.

Such needs cannot be engineered by strangers. They have to be developed over time by family and friends. They can also be fulfilled when one belongs to a religious organisation or a social group.

As we gear up for the future, we must look beyond building more nursing homes and other physical infrastructure. We need to take to heart the Chinese idiom: "Having an elderly family member in the household is like having a treasure in a home."

Because one day, that person will be you and me.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 21st November 2006.

'Volunteering' with an agenda

My local university is organising an alumni reunion dinner next year. I received an email from the appointed class agent.

This email asked for information about other alumni and class particulars. I assumed the class agent wanted to contact as many alumni as possible to let them know about the dinner.

Imagine my displeasure and disappointment when I checked the next email and found that the class agent had sent promotional information to me about a single premium investment-linked plan, advising me to call him for an appointment.

Some may argue that there is nothing wrong in sending promotional material through this channel as it is just another advertising channel, like the commercials in the mass media or the junk mail in our letter-boxes.

We can assume that the class agent is doing the work for the alumni on a voluntary basis, and so one might applaud him for his spirit of voluntarism. But one wonders if the database is also a convenient resource to increase his business as an insurance agent. Perhaps he should separate his desire to do community work from his business, so that good intentions are not misinterpreted.

Similarly, I attended a Family Life Education talk recently at my workplace. With ministry support, many Volunteer Welfare Organisations (VWOs) organise and deliver a variety of family life education programmes that include talks, workshops and seminars for the public.

I was looking forward to the talk as it was meant to help us de-stress and recharge during a very stressful period of our worklife. Imagine our disappointment, when my colleagues and I realised the speaker was more interested in promoting himself, his training company and the financial services he provides, rather than what was promised.

I can understand that there is a need for companies and consultants to find creative and innovative avenues to promote themselves, their products and their services. But, perhaps, a distinct line needs to be drawn between voluntary work and business, although some may argue that there is no free lunch and that volunteers also need to earn a living.

This practice of giving free talks and workshops to get contacts is especially common among professionals such as insurance agents, multi-marketers, financial advisers, trainers and motivational speakers.

There are others who can draw a distinction and separate these two worlds. There are volunteers who actively choose not to discuss what they do when they are acting for the VWOs, and thereby perhaps lose an opportunity to get business in the short term. In the long term, however, they seem to get more business because their integrity and sincerity are evident.

Volunteer work is about sacrifice, working for free without the thought of gain. Sad to say, in our society, we sometime misuse the word when parents "volunteer" their time in order to gain a place for their child in a premier school, or when a student is compel to complete six hours of Community Involvement Project.

Yet, there are many people in our society who quietly toil and continue to sacrifice their time, money and effort for a cause they believe in, without expecting any personal gain in return. That's the spirit of true volunteerism we should celebrate.

Paying the price for freebies

ADAM is a teenager studying in a neighbourhood school. His family is not well off. His father works as a cleaner and Adam is on a financial assistance scheme.

Under this scheme, his school fees are paid for, his textbooks are provided free and he is given pocket money. One would expect him to be grateful for this opportunity to continue his education, yet he spends most of his afternoons hanging out at his void deck or playing games on the computer at home.

He does not care or realise that using the computer adds to the cost of electricity. Needless to say, he did not perform well in his studies, although he was expected to, based on his PSLE results.

There is more than one Adam in our society. They are so used to receiving financial assistance from the Government or various organisations such as the Town Councils, HDB branch offices, schools or the Community Development Council, that they have come to expect help as part of life.

The saying "give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime" comes to mind when I encounter teenagers like Adam.

Why is he wasting this opportunity while others in a similar situation are working hard to get out of the poverty cycle?

Why does he not feel embarrassed or ashamed that he has squandered it?

Why does he think handouts are a right and not a privilege?

Maybe we should approach this problem in another way. Financial assistance, if not devised carefully, can be reduced to becoming a mere handout.

Such assistance is the beginning of a complex process that can help someone like Adam break out of the poverty cycle — but it is not a sufficient condition for this to happen.

Perhaps, we can learn from a less-developed country such as Bangladesh and see how it has managed to break the poverty cycle for so many families.

The Grameen Bank (GB) provides credit to the poorest of the poor in rural Bangladesh. No bank in Singapore will even consider this option as the poor cannot provide any collateral. But it is precisely these people who need a helping hand.

At GB, loans are provided collateral-free and the bank views credit as a cost-effective weapon to fight poverty. GB believes that if financial resources can be made available to the poor, with terms and conditions that are appropriate and reasonable, they will be able to break out of the poverty cycle.

Every year, the bank's staff review the cases and check whether the socio-economic situation of its clients is improving. It also evaluates the poverty level of borrowers using 10 indicators, which range from whether a family uses a sanitary latrine to whether they are able to put their children through school.

Similarly, appropriate indicators for Adam to achieve could be drawn up, so he continues to receive financial assistance. The concept of the handout scheme could be redesigned so that he is taking a loan from the Bank of Society — that is, he would be expected to return the loan but this need not be in monetary terms alone. He could do community service during his free time or aim to produce good results in his examinations.

The same amount of money, when given out as financial aid, might rob a person of his dignity and develop the handout mentality.

But when it is converted into a loan, a sense of responsibility and accountability would be tied to it. Recipients would then have to ensure the opportunity that society has given them is not wasted.

Tragedies in the news often pull on the heart-strings of many Singaporeans and many have been motivated to donate money to the needy.

But are we just giving them fish, or making an effort to teach them how to fish?

This article was published in TODAY on 31.10.2006

Two images sprang to my mind when I read about the decibel that Wee Shu Min has created recenty. She had commented on blogger, Mr. Derek Wee’s views on the anxieties of Singapore workers. He was worried about competition from foreign talent and the lack of job opportunities for older workers in Singapore. He has implored the Singapore government to understand Singaporean’s predicament.

In his comments on his daughter’s action, her father, Mr. Wee Siew Kim supported her basic point that a well-educated university graduate who works for a multinational company should not be bemoaning about the Government and he should get on with the challenges in life. As a parent, he confessed that he may not have inculcated the appropriate level of sensitivity. This led me to think of two famous parents who did took the effort to make sure that this type of insensitivity will not take root with their children.

The first was Princess Diana who made clandestine visits to terminally- ill AIDS patients. She would turn up unannounced, with stict instructions that these vsists be hidden from the media . At times, she would bring her sons along as she felt that there was a need for them to connect not only with the common people but with those who were disadvantages.

The second was a photograph of our Prime Mininster as a young teenager who had accompained his father MM Lee to visit Pulau Ubin. I remembered him holding an umbrella standing next to his father.

According to MM Lee from his book Lee Kuan Yew, The Man and His Idea, he explained that when he took office as the Prime Minister, he and his wife chose not to move into Sri Temasek which was the official resident. His children was still young then, age ranging between two to seven. He felt that it would be a very bad thing for his children as they might get an inflated idea of who they were, what they were with all the servants around and the gardeners. As parents, they have tried to make their children have a sort of normal environemnt which was equal to the kind of life he led before he was the prime minister.

I can only postulate at the possible reasons why the internet community is so disappointed with Shu Ming. Coming from an elit school, being a Humanities Scholars with the poetntial of winning a scholarship to study overseas and coming back with a job awaiting for her in the prestiges Administrative Services, one wonder if she would be formulating policy that would take into consideration all strata of society.

Prince William was expected to be king and thus his mother made an extra effort to ensure that he knew how to buy a hambruger, a bag of sweet or even take a ride at a theme park.

As for PM Lee Hsian Loong, I remebered reading an article a few years ago about him waiting for his son to come back from a ruby tour in South Africa. What struck me was the last paragraph where the reporter said that our PM was waiting in line at the MacDonal counter to buy food for his son.
As for Shu Ming, perhaps a possibility could be for her to attend some of the meet-the- people session that her father, a memebr of the Ang Mo Kio GRC conducts every Tuesday. From there, she could learn how her father plans to build an inclusive and caring community, where he reaches out to his residents in need and lsiten and channel feedback on issues and needs to the government.

To those who are given more, more will be expected from them. Shu Ming has been blessed with a gift for writing and an ability to perform well in school. All she needs to do is to develop that sensitivity that Derek Wee has for those who have given less in society. In all probability, she would be placed in a position where she will be able to make a difference in people’s life. Will she takes up this challenge in life? Can she take this brutal truth ? Only time will tell

This article was not published in TODAY

Her Winter, His Spring

WHEN I read that Gina Lollobrigida, at 79, was to wed Javier Rigau, aged 45, I was happy for them. They have joined the club of older women marrying younger men.

These couples include Joan Collins, 73, and Percy Gibson, 41; Demi Moore, 43, and Ashton Kutcher, 28; and Madonna, 48, and Guy Ritchie, 38. I too belong to this club, although my husband is only three years younger than I am.

Society likes to accept the pretty picture of a relationship where the couple is of the same age or when the man is older.

When Woody Allen was involved with Soon-Yi Previn, who is 35 years younger, they made headlines not so much because of their age difference, but because of the incestuous flavour to the fact that she was his former lover's adopted daughter.

When Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is 25 years younger, the world laughed it off and accepted it as a May-December wedding.

It is different when the woman is older. The argument or the fear is that the man will leave the older woman for a younger one when she ages.

They fail to see that when a younger man starts a relationship with an older woman, he has already seen what she will look like when she grows older. Therefore, the relationship will probably be based on other criterion than looks alone.

When we first started to date, we also set tongues wagging. You see, I knew my husband when he was doing his O levels and I was waiting to go to university.

Everyone, from my parents to the nuns in the convent, was sure that our relationship was doomed to fail.

They could not understand what we could see in each other when our worlds were so far apart — he had yet to celebrate his 16th birthday, I was about to enter the adult world.

Many, including ourselves, were sure we would each find someone else in future more compatible. So, we did not commit to each other for three years.

Younger girls closer to his age were chasing him while I was keeping my options open for older men. But in the end, we chose to stay together as we could communicate well.

One day, a highly-educated girlfriend and I talked about her choice of a life partner. Her selection criteria were as to be expected: Someone of similar age, education and status. We explored the possibility of someone younger or older, but she felt it would not work.

Yet, another friend is waiting to separate from her husband even though they are of similar age, share the same interests and have similar social standing.

Instead of waiting for someone who fits our preconditions, why not be open to others around us? Had I been closed to having a relationship with someone as improbable as my husband, we would have missed out on 18 years of a happy marriage.

I have known my husband for 25 years and many people have asked us the secret of staying in love for so long.

Like Zoe Tay, I too swallow. Not any pills that will keep my skin smooth forever, but my pride, so that our relationship will be smooth-sailing.

Too often, it is tough for us to accept that we may be wrong when our spouse or partner corrects us.

Some of us like to have the last word. But many women do not understand that winning an argument might make us lose the battle to keep the marriage alive. Always try to consider if what our spouse says has a grain of truth.

Instead of asking what Javier Rigau sees in an older woman after being with her for 22 years, we could reflect on how they have managed to keep this relationship alive for so long.

I am sure it is not based on looks alone, even though Gina was once considered the most beautiful woman in the world. Some might say that he's in it for the money, but I would like to suggest that we apply Ockham's razor.

After shaving away all the unnecessary assumptions, the simplest explanation for this unlikely couple is this: Love conquers all things, even warts and saggy skin.

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It's the maid's job.

A TUTOR was giving tuition in a home when she observed that her student did not flush the toilet after he used it. His father said it was the maid job's to flush the toilet.

In another incident, a group of Secondary 1 students were washing up after going sailing. The teacher observed that one student did not turn off the tap after using it. His explanation was that at home, it was the maid's job to do so after he had taken a bath.

And of course, some of us have come across young National Service recruits who do not know how to lace up their boots because they have never learnt how to put their shoes on.

Surely, I joke?

No, the stories are true.

While a maid is a lifeline to many families, perhaps it's time to ask if things have gone over the line.

Many women continue to go to work because the maids have taken over the role of a homemaker. Sometimes, the maids take over the home so completely that family members do not know where things are kept.

Some maids have also taken over the role of bringing up the children, so much so that the kids are traumatised when the maid is sent away.

Where do we draw the line? Should the maid be expected to flush the toilet after we use it? What about waking her up at 2am, as some have been known to do, to make supper for a hungry family member?

Sometimes, we forget that the maid is also a human being in need of encouragement and dignified treatment.

A local pastor was asked to leave a church after advocating that the faithful give their maid a Sunday off as it is a day of rest.

But unless we change the way we relate to our maids, we are in real danger of producing a generation of children who are selfish and look down on the littlest of menial jobs.

An indication of this trend can be observed in many classrooms in Singapore. In the past, classes had a duty roster whereby students took turns to do cleaning jobs — be it sweeping or clearing the rubbish bin.

Ask any teacher now and likely, he or she will tell you that it is getting tougher to make students do these simple tasks. Sometimes students retort: "Why should I?"

Once I heard this argument from a student. He said that since his father pays income tax, the school can employ cleaners to clean the classroom.

When our three teenagers were growing up, we did not have a maid till they were in primary school. They were sent to a daycare centre where they learnt to bathe themselves. They had to pack their towel and a change of clothes every day, and they even had to make their own breakfast.

Even now, although we have a maid, we still train our kids to look after the youngest, a one-year-old.

They know how to bathe him, change his diapers and make milk for him. They know how to cook and wash plates and if the maid were to pack up and go, they would be able to look after the house.

The maid is our helper who is there to make our life more comfortable; she is neither a surrogate parent nor a slave.

Unless we learn to treat her with respect, our children will not be able to learn to show respect to others.

Do we want to turn our children into little emperors?

This article was first published in TODAY on 17th October 2006

A Clear Solution to a Hazy Problem

"Tigers and elephants are fleeing the burning jungles. Birds are falling from the murky skies. School children are fainting at their desks. Ships are colliding at sea.

"As a filthy haze from vast Indonesian forest fires continues to darken the sky across seven South-east Asian nations, illness, ecological destruction and economic hardship are growing... "


After reading the above extract from The New York Times, you can be forgiven for thinking it describes the haze we have been experiencing over the past few days.

In fact, this article was published on Oct 26, 1997. Nine years have passed and the solution to this ecological disaster still seems hazy (pun intended).

After surviving the 1997 haze, we should have put in place a set of protocols agreed upon by Singapore, Indonesia and Malaysia to prevent this from recurring.

This was partially achieved when the Asean (Association of South-east Asian Nations) Agreement on Transboundary Haze Pollution was signed in 2002. Its objective is to prevent and monitor haze pollution as a result of land and/or forest fires which should be mitigated, through concerted national efforts and regional and international cooperation.

The problem is that as of August 2005, only seven out of the 10 member countries have ratified the agreement. Indonesia, where the fires originate, has yet to ratify the treaty. If nothing more is done, the same excerpt quoted above might be used to describe the situation five, 10, even 15 years later.

Apart from the short-term effect of the haze where the effect on human beings is most noticeable, the haze also has long-term serious consequences.

According to Mr Klaus Toepfer, the United Nations Environment Programme's executive director, a study by 250 scientists released in 2002 showed that "the thick brown haze which forms over much of Asia during the tropical dry season could have profound effects on human health, crop yield and rainfall patterns in the Asian region".

It is reducing the amount of sunlight reaching the tropical Indian Ocean surface by as much as 10 per cent, with a larger percentage reduction over the Indian subcontinent.

Up till now, the haze has been dealt with as a national problem of Indonesia. It is easy to point the finger at corrupt local officials who turn a blind eye to allow plantation owners to continue clearing their land by setting fire to it.

Similarly, it is easy to send satellite photographs of the hotspots and expect Indonesia to take action against the plantation owners, or to offer fire-fighting equipment.

Perhaps there is a need to change the way the haze problem is approached. As the Asean agreement so aptly indicated, the haze does not respect national boundaries. It goes where the wind blows. Hence, the ownership of this problem should not rest on Indonesia's shoulders alone.

But what can we do as we do not wish to intrude on Indonesia's sovereignty?

Perhaps a fund can be set up to provide plantation owners and farmers with incentives to clear the forest in other ways. An educational campaign could be embarked on to get farmers to look beyond their individual needs to the collective need of Asia.

This would be difficult. But if an effort is not made to change mindsets, the haze problem will continue. The recurrence of the haze has shown that this crisis cannot be solved at the individual or national level alone.

Are we ready to play a more active role, or do we continue to be content to breath in air with a PSI that exceeds 100, as it did on Saturday?

The choice is clear.

SOMETHING FISHY IS GOING ON

Recently, I gave birth to my sixth child, Anicius, by caesarean at Gleneagles Hospital. When I awoke after the operation, my husband broke the bad news that our child had been warded in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit (NICU)because of a
lung infection.

I was depressed,as I did not wish my newborn son to spend his days in a cold, sterile environment. When I gave birth to my five other children at a restructured hospital, my experience of the nursery was not a happy one. Often, newborns were left to cry as there seemed to be too few nurses around. The nursery was quite an uninviting place and parents were not allowed in.

What a surprise it was when I entered the NICU at Gleneagles for the first time.

I saw Fish come alive — that is to say, the Fish! philosophy is practised in this unit.

The philosophy comes from a book by writer and film-maker Dr Stephen Lundin, inspired by the author ’s visit to Seattle ’s Pike Place Fish Market. The market is famous for being madly successful thanks to its fun, bustling, joyful atmosphere and great customer service.

The Fish! philosophy advocates an innovative work environment where a playful, attentive and engaging attitude leads to more energy, enthusiasm, productivity and creativity.

The NICU was decorated as an aquarium, with cute little fish hanging from the ceiling and pictures of fish plastered on the wall. Music from Gold 90.5FM was always playing. The visual and audio environment is meant to stimulate the development of premature babies.

In the course of more than 10 days in the NICU,I had the privilege to observe the staff constantly practising the four principles of the Fish! philosophy.

The first principle is: Play. I have seldom seen other nurses play with the newborns as much as those at Gleneagles. They constantly tease, joke and talk to the babies, more often than not calming a crying baby in the process.

The second principle is: Make their day. As is the policy in other NICUs, only the parents of the children warded there are allowed in. But, knowing that grandparents, siblings and other anxious relatives are also eager to see the latest additions to their families, the nurses came up with a simple solution.

They take digital photos of the babies and print out copies to pass around to relatives. They even footprint each baby and turn it into a cute little poster, complete with stickers and stars. It is simple actions like these that make the parents ’ day.

The third principle is: Be there. The nurses don ’t just make time for the new-borns, they also keep an eye on the parents. They pay attention to make sure the mother gets enough rest and that she is
not too tired from looking after her child.

The last principle is: Choose your attitude. It is stressful working in the NICU. Nurses spend long hours in a pressure-packed environment and have to respond to every beep from the machines monitoring the patients.

It is easy for a nurse to become task-oriented and overlook the fact that she is dealing with human lives. Yet, I observed that the nurses’ attitude towards these babies was one of hope and joy.

They truly believe that their patients will get better, and this hope rubs off some-how on these fragile newborns.

Singapore has placed a premium on training its workforce. For example, teachers must undergo 100 hours of training every year.
The civil service, through the Institute of Public Administration and Management, has invited many world-renowned trainers to Singapore.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman has espoused emotional intelligence here, motivational speaker Stephen Covey has advocated the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and education expert Dr Spencer Kagan is invited every year to conduct workshops on cooperative learning.

Teachers have also received training in using the Fish! Philosophy. However, being trained does not necessarily mean one puts the ideas into practice.

My NICU experience has prompted me to reflect on the training I have received in my career as a teacher. Most of the time, the concepts taught remain at the cognitive level.

But after seeing the Fish! Philosophy in action in the Gleneagles NICU, I now feel motivated to put what I have learned into practice.

This article was first published in TODAY on 29.8.2005

HOW TO BE YOUR KIDS BEST FRIEND

As a parent with six children, three of whom are teenagers, my heart goes out to Felix Kumar (Sept 26) when he lost the respect of his daughter.

As a school educator, I have encountered many parents with similar problems and learnt lessons that have prevented our children from being disengaged from the family.

Firstly, a rich life filled with family activity does not automatically ensure the development of respectful and obedient children. Increasingly, I have observed that children are pampered with luxury goods and expensive overseas trips. Such treats, on their own, will not earn the respect of children.

Rather, time spent communicating with them and establishing relationships is more important.

One Sunday, at the NUS Guild House, I saw a father having dinner with his wife and children. He could proudly claim to be a good father as he had provided a restaurant meal for his children. But throughout dinner, he was looking at his laptop playing blackjack and other computer games, and he did not once talk with his wife or children.

Although my husband and I have demanding jobs, we spend time listening, observing and discussing interesting topics with our children. When one of them felt too stressed by his polytechnic life, we went for a long walk after midnight to allow him to ventilate.

When another was infatuated with a friend working at a fast-food joint, we went as a family to observe his service attitude. When our youngest daughter's tooth fell out, we were there to catch it and ensure that the tooth fairy replaced it with a coin.

If we are there when they are up or down, the children will learn to trust us with their problems, joys and fears. This process doesn't happen overnight but has to be started when they are young. As long as we are their best friends, they will consider our views when we offer them.

Secondly, the Internet and the phone are tools; they are neither good nor bad in themselves. We instilled the belief that technological gadgets can be our friend or our enemy. We ensure that when the kids use the tools, they set a limit and stick to it.

Thirdly, we try not to embarrass the children. If there is a need to reprimand them, we do not do so in public as this would only alienate them. As much as we want them to respect us, we must also learn to show respect for our children.

Sometimes, they have secrets they are uncomfortable to share with us. When this happens, we wait patiently until they are ready to share their problems. We must give them space to form their own tastes and interests, within acceptable limits.

Lastly — and this is the most difficult lesson of all — as parents, we must constantly reflect and realise we can be wrong at times. Once we have made a mistake, we share it with our children and sincerely ask them to accept our apology. This way, they learn that mistakes are not the end of the world and reconciliation is a possibility.

Of course, when they make a mistake, they have to accept the consequences and be punished — but only after the punishment is explained to them.

Ultimately, parents are responsible for the way their children turn out. If we focus on establishing and developing values such as respect, honesty, diligence and self-confidence, our children will not be easily swayed by peer pressure, be it at school, the playground or workplace.

The writer, an educator, is a mother of six.

MOS with number her sixth child, Anicius 13th months. Baby was visiting MOS at her school.

Showing our true face

NOW that the Health Sciences Authority (HSA) has declared the SK-II products sold in Singapore are safe, women can with ease of mind use these products to whiten their complexions and delay the ageing process.

When women are discontented with themselves, there is always a demand for such products and their seductive promises. As long as we refuse to accept the natural process of ageing and fight tooth-and-nail to halt or reverse it, the market will continue to be saturated with ads that promise to turn women into Cinderellas.

So it is reassuring to know that the HSA has taken the effort to test and ensure the safety of the SK-II products.

But what about other beauty products sold here? Should we wait for a cue from other countries that raise the alarm first before we take the necessary steps?

Could we instead set the standard for others to benchmark their products with proactive testing? We could work towards the goal that if it is safe in Singapore, it would be considered safe to use in other regions.

That aside, this recent incident has made me reflect on why some women feel so naked without make-up.

Why do we have to put on a mask daily to hide our true faces? Why are we so afraid to grow old or to proclaim our real age?

After fighting so hard to be emancipated from the clutches of gender stereotypes and male dominance, why are we enslaving ourselves to a particular image that is most often defined by the advertising industry, which is dominated by men?

When I got married in the 1980s, it was typical of most brides to engage professional make-up artists. Often when the latter was done with the bride, the bridegroom would have a shock as the make-up artist would have transformed her into a stranger.

My husband not only insisted that I did not engage a make-up artist but also that I did not put on make-up after we got married. He said that cosmetics would only produce a temporary illusion and, in the long run, hasten the ageing process.

Eighteen years and six children later, many people still cannot believe that I am "over the hill" at 43, with a 17-year-old son at my side. But even without make-up, my face has remained firm and smooth with hardly a visible crow's foot line.

I am neither a scientist nor a beautician and I cannot provide any definitive reason or evidence for why I have managed to keep my skin in such good condition.

And yes, when I reached the big 40, I was plagued with insecurities and doubts about whether I was still attractive as a woman — as I am constantly confronted with images of beautiful, youthful women through the mass media.

Yet, I can continue to have engaging and fun conversations with men. They still enjoy my company despite my less-than-flawless skin and far-from-ideal weight (did I mention I have six kids?).

Perhaps it is time we give men more credit. There are those who enjoy being in the company of authentic, confident women, rather than pandering to the whims and fancies of women whose beauty is adulterated with layers of cream and face paint.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 27th September 2006

DRAWING THE LINES WITH RULES

RECENTLY, one of my students attended the birthday party of his friend who turned 17.

At the party, there were alcoholic drinks ranging from champagne to beer. The teenagers were allowed to drink freely with the blessing of the birthday boy's parents. A few got drunk and some had to be sent home in a taxi. And a neighbour had to call the police around midnight to control the noise level.

A few questions arose in my mind. How did the birthday boy manage to stock up on such a large assortment of alcoholic drinks? Why did the parents condone such behaviour? What would I do if my son attended such a party and got home drunk?

While contemplating the issue, my acquaintance said I should not control my children too much, or they might rebel against me. For example, she prefers her teenager to tell her what he is doing, to minimise the risk of him doing something without her knowledge. In this case, she would rather her son get drunk at home than at a pub. She argues that being an accommodating parent in this manner is preferable to being autocratic.

But is this the beginning of a slippery slope? Should we, as parents, accept any behaviour that a child does without establishing any concept of right or wrong behaviour?

For example, what should we do if our teenage children decided to smoke? Or drink excessively? Should we accept them as they are in the name of honesty, or would we feel better if they smoked and drank in secret?

To take it to the extreme: If our child killed someone in front of us, would it make the act any less wrong?

As a parent, where do we draw a line when it comes to disciplining our children? Excessive discipline often leads to children who conform to expected behaviour in front of the parents, but it does not necessarily lead to permanent changes in behaviour. If a parent is too lax, a child is free to do whatever he or she wants and there is no guarantee he or she will grow up to be a functioning member of society.

While there are many ways to discipline children, some general strategies are worth considering.

Firstly, the rules must be clear. As a general guideline, my children know they must not be rude to their grandmother, mother or the maid, or they will be reprimanded. They are not allowed to ask us to buy anything for them when they are at a shopping centre. They have to seek permission when they want to eat sweets.

Our teenagers have a 10pm curfew but my husband and I are open to allowing them to come home later if they ask us first. These rules are reviewed and changed to accommodate our growing children's needs.

Secondly, rules must be consistently enforced. Often, children approach the other parent when the first has already said no to a request. If my children ask my husband and I permission for anything, we ask for the other parent's response. In this respect, both parents must speak with one voice or the child will learn to be manipulative.

Thirdly, parents should focus on the behaviour, not the child. We avoid calling our children "stupid" or "idiots" — rather, we say their behaviour is unacceptable and that there is a consequence to their actions. Telling lies is unacceptable and when they are caught with their hand in the pie, privileges are withdrawn.

Each family has different set of rules for their children and what applies for one family may not be acceptable to another. What is important is to remember that children need boundaries defined for them, so that they may learn to handle their freedom correctly.

When they grow up and leave the nest, we as parents can be at peace knowing their life will be guided by a set of values that will see them through many storms. However, if we fail in this aspect and give them unlimited freedom to do as they like, when they like, the result could be a selfish, self-seeking adult.

The choice is ours to make.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 12th September.

Atticus 7 yeas old with his younger brother Anicius 1 year old.

TALKING SEX , WITH MUM AND DAD

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RICHER BY THE HALF DOZEN

WHEN my mother discovered that I was going to give birth to my sixth child, she started a campaign of convincing me to give up my child for adoption as she judged that our financial resources would not be able to handle another child.

Immediately after I woke up from my Caesarean operation, my mother and two relatives spoke to me in jest about giving my baby to one of the relatives, as the baby would retain the same surname.

It was with utmost difficulty that I maintained my sense of humour.

The other day, as I was out having supper with my husband, I witnessed a pregnant woman feel her baby kicking in her womb. I must be crazy to desire another child, but I miss having an unborn child growing inside me.

In my third trimester, the baby would begin to communicate his needs to me. For example, if I sat in a particular way that made him uncomfortable, he would kick and move until I was in a better position.

Yes, many of my friends are taking bets on when our No 7 will be conceived — or when we will be able to transform our basketball team into a seven-a-side soccer team.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta once said that "it is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish".

Yes, once a child is born, it is difficult to live as I wish. I have always enjoyed travelling and, before I got married, would visit a different country each year. Now, with so many children, I cannot remember the last time I took a holiday.

I had planned to do my Masters 15 years ago when I had just two children. Four more kids later, that hankering after my intellectual dream is still strong.

One day, my eldest child commented that his parents would be very rich if we had just had him as an only child.

Yet, deep down, I know that I would be that much poorer if I were forced to give up any one of my children.

From my teenagers, I learn that there is nothing more important in life than to establish a relationship with another person.

From the baby, I learn that to do something well, I need to focus on a single aim. Watching my baby practise everyday at taking that first step fills me with energy anew to focus on a project at work.

By the baby too, I am reminded that there are still a lot more things in life that I have to discover, and that the joy of discovery is irreplaceable.

From my children, I learn that it is best to teach them only when they are ready to learn. Many parents have robbed their children the joy of learning because they force-feed their kids with all the enrichment courses they themselves wanted when they were young.

At the end of a hard day's work, nothing can replace the sound of small feet crawling with single-mindedness towards you. Except, of course, for the yelp of joy when your own baby recognises you in a sea of strangers.

Will we go for No 7? Yes and No. Yes, because we feel that the age gap between our sixth child and the rest is very wide and a seventh child would be a good playmate and soulmate for him.

No, because I am feeling my age and at this point in time, we feel that another child would stretch our financial resources even further.

Yet we do not use any form of artificial contraceptives like the pill, for health reasons. Neither have we taken up my mum's advice to sterilise ourselves, as we are still open to the gift of another child.

Irresponsible? Irrational? Or just fulfilling a human's highest calling to bring life to the world?

REAL GIFTS OF A ROAD WARRIOR PARENTS

This year's theme for the National Day Parade, "Our Global City, Our Home," forces me to reflect on one aspect of globalisation that often has a silent but salient impact on our future: Our children.

As a result of our effort to embrace globalisation, many of us have to travel overseas often as road warriors. When I travel, I often feel guilty leaving my children behind. I am frequently tempted to buy their permission to go overseas with promises of bringing exotic gifts back.

I know of one road warrior who habitually returns with expensive gifts for his son to make up for his absence from home.

Bringing back gifts per se isn't the problem — it is when we replace or substitute ourselves with gifts that will have an impact on our children. They will end up looking at us as nothing more than a perpetual Santa Claus, and soon they will look forward to our gifts instead of us coming back.

Encouraged to be materialists, they will end up demanding more expensive presents each time we leave. And some of us will find it a convenient and small price to pay to occupy our children's time leaving us — when we get home — alone to rest and recuperate.

How do we get back to focusing on developing our relationships with our children and our spouse, instead of treating them as an optional extra in our life?

I remember once, my husband left 40 handwritten post-it notes with the words "I love you" all over the house for me to discover. Why 40? That was the number of days he was away from home.

When he goes to places where the postal service is not that regular, he would leave letters pre-written before his trip for me to read to the children before they go to sleep.

My husband and I try to take turns to go overseas so that at least one parent is at home with the children. The one who stays at home will have the fun of keeping the memory of the travelling parent alive for them. We'd write letters, make postcards, draw pictures or create gifts for the returning parent.

With Internet messenger, SMS and email, we find it easier to maintain an open channel of communication with our children. Only recently did I learn to use Internet messaging with some difficulty and I discovered a different but instantaneous way of keeping in touch with my children.

Establishing family culture helps our children to stay rooted to the family. Like many in Singapore, my husband and I are working and thus, find it difficult to be with them regularly.

We have often heard that it is not the quantity of time that we spend that is important, but the quality time that we have with them.

But what is quality time?

Spending time at the shopping centre buying more presents, or eating at fancy and expensive restaurants? Yes, these can be instances of quality time as long as our children have our undivided attention.

For us, we prefer alternative rituals like ice cream parties at home, midnight supper walks, or a regular visit to Chinatown where we eat the famous fish porridge.

Whether we are stay-at-home or auto-roaming parents, we have to remember that if we do not act as our children's confidantes, companions and confessors, they will find others to take our place — and we will lose any influence over their behaviour.

But being there for them, in the real sense of the term, is not something one can just suddenly do overnight. It is the little actions we do over a long period of time that add up.

In my course of work as a teacher, I often meet lonely students who long and pine for their parents who are often too busy to spend time with them. Some students end up being withdrawn, some end up finding support and companionship with gangs, while others end up using gifts and money to buy friendship.

As road warrior parents, perhaps it is time to reflect on the type of relationship that we have with our children.

Are we just satisfied with being their ATM? The choice is ours.

The writer has recently taken a tentative step to blog (fohl.blogspot.com) in the hope that it will make her look hip with her teenager children.

Raising Six Kids sans TV or gaming

Would you live in a house where there is no television set that can show commercial programmes?

At our home, there are three Apple computers and four PCs, but they are not installed with computer games.

How would you feel if Internet access was available only in the living room? Would you protest if you had to share a room with four other siblings ranging from five to 16 years old?

Welcome to the Ess household. We have six children — the youngest at 11 months and the oldest in the first year of study at the polytechnic.

Until this year, our three teenagers have had to share one mobile phone. This may seem an unconventional way to raise our children, but we actively choose to create the conditions for them to live in.

Our friends and relatives either support us or justify allowing their children to watch television on the grounds that it gives them access to news and documentaries.

We prefer that our children learn to appreciate the ancient art of reading first before they are given the opportunity to vegetate in front of the TV. Similarly, while we are eager to promote the use of information technology in our family, we do not allow any gaming activity.

So, what do we do as a family if we cannot sit in front of the television and watch Survivor or Singapore Idol?

Since the conversation killer (TV, that is) does not reign supreme in the living room, we practise another ancient and dying art: Talking to each other. We hope that our children will become more articulate and confident as diverse topics — from sex to religion and politics — are discussed over meals.

Their opinions are based on the reading materials they are given access to, including newspapers and books by authors such as Jane Austen, George Orwell, C S Lewis and J R R Tolkien.

Another ancient art we practise is play, not with expensive items from Toys 'R' Us but with objects available around the house. A broomstick becomes a sword, a blanket becomes a Hobbit's robe and a set of sofa cushions can be the building blocks for a house.

As we do not have a car, going out with six children resembles a military manoeuvre. We have to take two taxis. Apart from working out the permutations of dividing six kids and an occasional maid between two cabs, we live with the constant fear that we might accidentally leave one child behind.

With six children to bring up, our expenses are high and our children are accustomed to having to share resources like the room, the clothes and the food.

We have tried our best to provide what they need, but we do not give them everything they want. Thus, from an early age, our kids have never demanded that we buy anything for them as they are confident that if it is a need, we would see to it. Since the influence of TV commercials is absent from their lives, our kids do not become slaves to trends.

Yes, they do argue and fight, and we have to deal with the usual problems that arise when our teenagers try to establish their independence.

We do not recommend that other readers follow our example. After all, TV and the Internet are vital parts of life today, and they can be an easy and cheap babysitting service.

However, as parents, we must ensure that all these electronic gadgets do not take over our primary role of forming a loving relationship with our children and establishing the proper values to guide them through life.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 24th July 2006

Reduse,reuse,rejoice

REDUCE,REUSE,REJOICE

LET'S get one thing straight — the Happy Planet Index (HPI) that ranked Singapore 131st out of 178 countries does not actually measure happiness as we know it.

It is an innovative measure of how efficiently a nation converts the planet's natural resources into long and happy lives for its citizens. The word "happy", by which many have been seduced, is just one component of the index.

So it is wrong to assume that nations that score low in this index are the unhappiest places in the world. A low score says quite something else. To properly understand this, we must look at the three basic components of the index.

These are life satisfaction, life expectancy and ecological footprint. The HPI is arrived at by multiplying life satisfaction and life expectancy (the result being an indicator of a happy and long life), and dividing that by the ecological footprint (that is, how much planetary resources are consumed).

In short, the HPI represents the efficiency with which a nation converts the earth's finite resources into well-being for its citizens. Singapore scored 6.9 for life satisfaction, 78.7 for life expectancy, and 6.2 for ecological footprint. The first indicates that Singaporeans are generally satisfied with their lives — not a bad score, considering the highest was 8.2, achieved by Switzerland and Denmark.

In life expectancy, we outperformed the United States (77.4 years) and just tail Australia (80.3 years) and Japan (82 years). Since life expectancy reflects a country's medical conditions, that's something to cheer about.

So why did we score so badly overall in the HPI?

This happened because we had a very high ecological footprint measure. This indicator measures how much of the planet's environmental resources are used up to sustain a nation at its present levels of consumption, technological development and resource efficiency.

The higher a country's ecological footprint score, the more that country uses up the earth's resources, and the bigger its global environmental impact.

The beauty of the ecological footprint indicator is that it takes into account the fact that, in a global economy, people consume resources and ecological services from all over the world.

So, a coffee plantation in Brazil, for example, will count towards the ecological footprints of all the countries where Brazilian coffee is consumed.

Now, since Singapore apparently leaves such a big ecological footprint, we should consider why we consume so much of our planet's resources.

Some will suggest that this is an inevitable by-product of our economic development; others, that our high standard of life makes it psychologically far easier for us to donate money to save an endangered elephant, than to give up a car, switch off the air conditioner or reduce the use of plastic products.

Ultimately, we have to face this uncomfortable question: Can we live long and satisfied lives without using up so much of the earth's resources? Top-ranked Vanuatu proves it is possible. But we are not Vanuatu.

Can Singapore find a way to outperform Vanuatu? It will be a challenge to each and every one of us.


This article was first published in Today on 21.7.2006