Would you live in a house where there is no television set that can show commercial programmes?
At our home, there are three Apple computers and four PCs, but they are not installed with computer games.
How would you feel if Internet access was available only in the living room? Would you protest if you had to share a room with four other siblings ranging from five to 16 years old?
Welcome to the Ess household. We have six children — the youngest at 11 months and the oldest in the first year of study at the polytechnic.
Until this year, our three teenagers have had to share one mobile phone. This may seem an unconventional way to raise our children, but we actively choose to create the conditions for them to live in.
Our friends and relatives either support us or justify allowing their children to watch television on the grounds that it gives them access to news and documentaries.
We prefer that our children learn to appreciate the ancient art of reading first before they are given the opportunity to vegetate in front of the TV. Similarly, while we are eager to promote the use of information technology in our family, we do not allow any gaming activity.
So, what do we do as a family if we cannot sit in front of the television and watch Survivor or Singapore Idol?
Since the conversation killer (TV, that is) does not reign supreme in the living room, we practise another ancient and dying art: Talking to each other. We hope that our children will become more articulate and confident as diverse topics — from sex to religion and politics — are discussed over meals.
Their opinions are based on the reading materials they are given access to, including newspapers and books by authors such as Jane Austen, George Orwell, C S Lewis and J R R Tolkien.
Another ancient art we practise is play, not with expensive items from Toys 'R' Us but with objects available around the house. A broomstick becomes a sword, a blanket becomes a Hobbit's robe and a set of sofa cushions can be the building blocks for a house.
As we do not have a car, going out with six children resembles a military manoeuvre. We have to take two taxis. Apart from working out the permutations of dividing six kids and an occasional maid between two cabs, we live with the constant fear that we might accidentally leave one child behind.
With six children to bring up, our expenses are high and our children are accustomed to having to share resources like the room, the clothes and the food.
We have tried our best to provide what they need, but we do not give them everything they want. Thus, from an early age, our kids have never demanded that we buy anything for them as they are confident that if it is a need, we would see to it. Since the influence of TV commercials is absent from their lives, our kids do not become slaves to trends.
Yes, they do argue and fight, and we have to deal with the usual problems that arise when our teenagers try to establish their independence.
We do not recommend that other readers follow our example. After all, TV and the Internet are vital parts of life today, and they can be an easy and cheap babysitting service.
However, as parents, we must ensure that all these electronic gadgets do not take over our primary role of forming a loving relationship with our children and establishing the proper values to guide them through life.
This article first appeared in TODAY on 24th July 2006
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5 comments:
halo!!! haikal here from last year's 4eb... if u still remember me... how are u???
hi great to hear from you what and where are you?
Of course I remember you.
What grade did you get for Com Hum?
i am now in temasek poly... doing building technology, engineering... for comb humans i got b3... haha... thanks to u..
Thank you for your support of my blog. Glad you are doing well in poly . Tall dark and handsome (a good description of you)
My wife & I were busy pursuing our careers and our only son spent most of his time with our trusted Philipino maid ( trained by my parents during her first 3 months here and will be reaching her 10 years of employment with us next year ). However, we did spent time with him once we reached home; eg we fed him and played with him until he slept and then we started working until the early morning. We took over most of the activities with him over the weekends.
However, we did a few things that may not be the norm but can be viewed as over-indugence or spoiling the kid.
Being in the IT industry, I have a PC at home and frequent places like Challenger so my son was influenced by gaming being shown. I still remember that he wanted to play the Age of Empire. I bought the game and as he was too young to really know how to play, I have to learn and show it to him. I still remember that he cried when our soldiers were killed and it added more pressure on my part to learn how to play better…!! In fact, thro' him, I was sucked into gaming into late at night as a form of relaxation after work or to show him the game. But in fact, he was never addicted to it and never threw tantrums if he was not allowed to play as we only have one PC and I needed it for work. It was well managed, if I may say so. One thing I never regretted in introducing PC and activities related to it, was that when he went to Primary 1 he has enough of it and was exploring other activities as compared to his cousins or friends who were only introduced to PC gaming then and were distracted from their school work. My policy is to expose them to such stuff as we cannot run away and manage their expectations ( ie what is good and bad and how we should make good use of these items etc….eg. He was motivated to learn English as he does not understand the commands and dialogue in the games ).
I resisted giving him a mobile phone when he was in his early Primary days but when I picked him up at school one day, I saw most of his classmates & Form teacher using their mobiles at the bus-stop. I got him a very old mobile for contacting us but I found out later that he was embarrassed to use it as it was so old and outdated, and did not want to be teased by his classmates. Eventually, I gave him a better mobile and since then he has got a very high tech mobile for doing well in his PSLE exam. I notice it is a trend and he has lost interest on his mobile after some time and he is more into sports especially soccer these days.
I also do not drive and my son asked me why as all his friends were driven but I explain to him the rationale behind our decision. He accepted it and especially so , when his best friend does not know how to take the pubic transport and felt tired when he went out with us as he was not used to our mode of transport.
A friend & I have decided that we will have the first smoke and beer with our sons when they of age and discuss the pro and cons of taking them; as we feel that it is better to hear it from us and then hopefully, they will make a good and informed decision on them later in their lives.
Eventually, my son will have to grow up and be on his own and be exposed to a lot of undesired elements and I hope that my wife and I have been there for him and have been good role models during his growing years.
There is no magic formula and the parents have to decide what is good for their families and get it working for them.
( Published in TODAY on 27 July 2006 )
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