Getting ready for that final trip

As the year-end nears and people are reflecting on rebirth and renewal, my thoughts have turned to death, instead.

A distant relative, who makes a regular trip to Singapore every four or five years to visit the friends and relatives she left behind when she migrated to England, revealed that she had begun to make her own funeral preparations. She was already 77, she explained.

She had settled her affairs with regard to her house and left instructions on what to do should she go into a coma. And, on this last trip, she made her peace with everyone she met.

After my father died, my mother immediately went to see a lawyer to make a will. Bolstered by her faith, she appears to approach death without trepidation.

I also spoke to a woman who had cancer of the womb and who was not yet ready to face death. She had her womb taken out last year. Although her religion, too, assures her a place in the afterlife, I sense she is not so eager to move on. Despite this, she, too, has made detailed plans for her final exit.

As Singapore prepares for an ageing population, many of us have to face the fact that our mortality may not be that far off.

Last year, in the space of six months, two acquaintances of mine died in their sleep, leaving behind grieving mothers aged over 70 to look into their affairs.

Indeed, six reported sudden deaths in the last two months — including five healthy young people who died in their sleep — may have led some to wonder if they might be next.

Not many people would prepare for their final exit with the same attention given to their wedding. Indeed, most readily expend time, effort and money in the latter.

Yet, death is an inevitable conclusion for all of us. Most people, however, act like frail actors beyond their prime, hogging life and thinking they will be that one unique individual who will not grow old, and who can escape death.

It does not help that society does not appreciate ageing — judging from the number of anti-ageing paraphernalia advertised. A relative of mine is being pressured to dye his hair black, as it is thought no one will hire an old man with white hair as a security guard.

We are all afraid to die. Part of the fear comes from the fear of the unknown.

We wonder where we will go. Will we have to suffer for our transgressions? How do we know we won't feel pain at being cremated? And who will look after our loved ones?

As a child, a visit to the Ten Courts of Hell exhibit in Haw Par Villa instilled in me a terror of death. Now that I am an adult, I've recently started thinking that I want to face death squarely.

If I love my family, I must ensure that my death does not add to their misery of losing me.

So, I have come up with a to-do list that I must complete before the year ends.

Firstly, I will check the nomination made to my Central Provident Fund and ensure that all my six children will have an equal share of my funds.

Secondly, I will cancel all my credit lines and credit cards. This is because of a discovery that if I were to die suddenly, my next of kin would inherit my debts.

Thirdly, I will make an Advance Medical Directive. It might not be the same one provided by the Ministry of Health but I will let my next of kin know how far to go to keep me alive.

Finally, I will plan my funeral like a bride plans for her wedding. I will decide on the songs, the kind of service to have and how long the wake will be.

Some people may feel it is unlucky to think about death and that it might hasten the unwelcome event. But not caring enough to prepare for one's death might just be one of the most selfish, unloving acts towards our loved ones.

This article first appeared in Today on 18.12.2006.


P.S. I have left instructions that the picture found in this blog profile be used as my lorry photo. For those who are coming for my wake, have fun, spread happy thoughts. Be Good, Be Happy. Be Gone.

Of course there will be a Toastmaster meeting at my wake with table topics and prepared speeches. The great philospher should return the favour and present a eulogy for me just as I have done for him at the NUSA Toastmaster meeting long time ago.

Please treat this as a personal invitation. We will need a L.E. G.E T.M.E and T.T.M, Timer and Ah Counter.

My students will remember that when asked when to hand up their work I often say "Before I die."