CAREER AND THE BABY BONUS

WOULD you kill this child?

I nearly did. In 1999,I discovered that I was pregnant with my fifth child, Ariel.

There were many good, rational and legitimate reasons for me to abort her.

First, I had just given birth to my fourth son, Atticus, and five weeks later I discovered that I had conceived again. Second, I had just had a caesarean and I was worried that my womb was not ready to have this child. Third, during the 1990s,before the baby bonus package was revised, I could not use my Medisave to pay the cost of my delivery and had to take no-pay leave for my fourth child. It had already cost my family about $15,000 for my fourth child in terms of the hospitalisation charges and loss of income.

I even had a Catholic priest ’s blessing to abort the child for medical and social reasons.
However, we chose not to.

We accepted her arrival with the same happiness and enthusiasm with which we had welcomed our other children. We were worried about the additional expenses: We had to save more to pay for the delivery and to cover the loss of income. We were also worried about the time we would be able to spend with this child and the other children.

I am a university graduate. I am a department head at a local school. I work 12 hours a day. I am the first to leave the house at 6am and I return at 7pm. I travel abroad regularly on field trips and conferences. After the birth of Ariel, I completed a postgraduate diploma in department management. My husband and I conduct courses and workshops two or three evenings a week as a community service.

Were we irresponsible to maintain demanding careers while choosing to have so many children? Did we allow our hearts to rule our heads? Were we fair to our other children? Did we deprive them of love and time because we also had to care for their siblings? Should we have aborted our youngest child?

Often, when a woman discovers that she is pregnant, she will experience a wide range of emotions depending on her circumstances. Does her husband support her? What about her boss? What about her career? What about her holidays? The projects that she is overseeing?

Does she have enough time, love and money to see to the child? Is she ready to be a mother and wife at the same time? Is she prepared?

Last December, I discovered that I was pregnant with my sixth child. I had similar doubts and worries. I was so worried that I chose to inform my mother about this child only on the first day of Chinese New Year, so that she could not scold me.

Each woman will have her reasons for keeping or aborting a child. Most of the reasons are sane and rational. Having a child, whether it is the first or the sixth, is a major decision.

A child brings about major changes in a marriage and family. Many women choose not to have children because they fear the changes that they cannot control.

Handling a project in the workplace or running a department is easier than having a baby, as we cannot take a diploma in diaper-changing or a degree in breastfeeding.

However, my personal belief and experience is that if we can manage the stress and demands of a university education and the pressures of the work environment, we should be able to handle this bundle of joy

This article first appeared in TODAY on 28th May 2005.