A silent wife is a gift from God

On 11 June 1989, my husband made me an Ess.

It been twenty one years since I became one

Friends in my secondary school knew me as Ong Hock Lin.

When I became an Ess, I went to change my IC to officially be come Mrs France Ess.

I was not satisfy with the fashion at that time of combining two sur names together like Ong-Ess or Chai-Sim, Lum-Lan or even Lim-Chwee

I wanted to be to be known from then on as Mrs Ess.

Some has asked how did our marriage last for so long?

On my part, I find that the phrase " A silent wife is a gift from God" has helped throughout this journey.

Being silent does not mean being submissive, being bullied or being stepped upon.

Being silent is powerful as you demonstrate your discipline to know when to speak and when not to speak.

Being silent is graceful as you do not engaged in groundless gossip or distructive debate.

For example,on our wedding anniversary, I went and buy a bag Buah Keluak and cooked it with meat.

Any nonya worth her salt will claimed that Babi Buah Keluark
is a classic Peranakan dish.

So when my Eurasian Mil claimed that Buah Keluark is a Eurasian dish, I have two choices.

Keep my mouth shut and keep the peace or correct her and made her feel uneasy or even angry.

I judged that since it was just a matter of opinion and not a matter of fact, I decided to keep my mouth shut.


Aristotle the Greek philosopher commented that "Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy."

I was glad that I did not take the easy way out.

It helps that in a marriage we do not take the easy way out.

When we face a rough patch, it is easier to seek other distractions-- computer games, another listening ear, an affair.

When tempted to walk out of the marriage, it is easier to sign the divorce paper. Harder to face to the truth.

In any fight or quarrel, it is much easier to point the finger at your spouse then to reflect on your own shortfall.

I like being an ess. Some who read this blog will again get angry at my traditional values just as this blog stir up so many negative emotions three years ago when I suggested that to love is to obey.