A reader posted the comments below. We took sometime to answer her question because we do not want any one to misunderstand us. We do apologise if the language used is explicit

hello mother of six!
I am happy to read your post. I have a question, its been running in my mind since I am already engaged.

We are answering some questionnaires so that we will be ready in family situations and family life.
We are both Catholic and would like to follow the Catholic faith.

My question is, does "married couples" engage in oral sex and mutual masturbation?

I am totally against it. I don't know if he was right and I am wrong. I don't know if my perception of it is wrong.

Honestly I have some fears or may be worries about the honeymoon. I don't know if this is common for women who's getting married too.

My conscience want to ask a priest about it and of course consult a practicing Catholic couples. yours truly,confused.

Posted by Anonymous to Mother of Six at 2:54 PM


I have invited Mr. Ess, father of six to answer as he has the ability to express our values much more clearly then ever I can .







hello confused,

yes, married couples do engage in oral sex and mutual masturbation. Even Catholic couples (married by definition) do so but it is not allowed by the Catholic Church.

But when you ask such a question, you must distinguish between what the world calls sex and what the church calls sex.

This world, as circumscribed by pop culture and its propaganda machines, define sex as orgasm.

So it follows that oral sex is orgasm in the mouth, anal sex is orgasm in the anus, sex (by which they mean vaginal sex) is orgasm in the vagina and masturbation is orgasm in the hand. These are, of course, simplified explanations and great variety exists.

I could go on but my point is sufficiently made.

To understand how the church defines the union that we conveniently call sex, we must ask who is present. The answer ought not to surprise you - it's a manage-a-tois (my metaphor) between a husband, his wife and God.

Cheeky to think that the Roman Catholic Church, since the time of her founder, has required of us, the exclusive practice of manage-a-tois. Cheeky but true!

If we remove God from the union, we have pre marital sex. If we remove any two partners, we have masturbation - yes, for the wits reading this, that would mean that God masturbates but I am not even going to bother to answer such moronisity.

If a husband and his wife indulge in masturbation with each other as company, we have mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is practiced via two methods - masturbation of self and masturbation of partner.

Both methods may be effected consecutively or concurrently. Coming back to menage-a-tois, what do the three partners contribute towards the covenantal union?

The man - a penis, the woman - a vagina and God - blessings beyond our wildest fantasies. Following this thought, we realise that Catholic sex occurs when a man ejaculates into a woman's vagina and this occurs during the bonds of matrimony.

Any other definition of sex is not tolerated by the Catholic church. Therefore, as long as you and your betrothed practice only vaginal sex (ejaculation into the vagina) from the time of your honeymoon onwards..., you're both ok!

Understand that there is nothing wrong with the following: penis in anus, penis in mouth and touching, caressing, kissing, licking any part of your partner's/lover's/spouse's body provided his orgasm (ejaculation of sperm) occurs within your vagina.

A final thought, Pope John Paul 2 encouraged husbands to ensure their wives orgasms before their own!!!

Yours,
father of six!

There is a lot of reading to choose from if you want to learn a bit.

Start with:a: Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 1639, 1647,1642 and
Pope John Paul 2's Theology of the Body (select your interests).b: CCC 1646, 1652 and

the document Humanae Vitae (find a synopsis).c: CCC 2336 and the CCC sections on the fifth and sixth commandments.