SIX KIDS AND THEY ARE A REAL BONUS

Six days after I gave birth to my son, my husband asked me when we could start with conceiving No 2. I looked at him in disbelief. Was he out of his mind? But he explained that he did not want his child to grow up as an only child. Nine months later, we conceived again.

Often, when I tell people I have six children, they react in disbelief. Many must think we are crazy, as the norm in Singapore is to have just one or two. Now with the baby bonus, three or four children may become a standard in future. But six?

The typical objections to having so many children in Singapore are mainly economical. Rising costs is one. If you factor in tuition, enrichment, supplementary class, school buses, childcare, day care and maid, then there will be disincentives to have more than two children.

Also, it is often argued that it is difficult to find a good babysitter and the idea of ferrying a child from one end of Singapore to another can be discouraging.

It will take proper studies to determine the effectiveness of the baby bonus, but let me share, on a personal front, why we ended up having six children.

After having two, we thought our family was complete as we had a boy and a girl. We thought having a third would mean having to divide our time, resources and love, and each child would receive less in turn. But then my biological clock kicked in — and we decided to have a third.

Then, in the 1990s, women in the civil service were given only two months’ maternity leave for the first and second child. We also had to tighten our belts and find ways to cope with an additional mouth to feed.
As both of us were working, we put all three kids in a daycare centre and that took up half our income. We made sacrifices — we rarely had holidays overseas and we did not spend money on expensive toys or enrichment classes. But what joy our third child gave us.

Seven years later, my biological clock kicked in again — I wondered if, at 36, I could still be a mother.
Not only was I blessed with a son, I was doubly blessed with a daughter 11 months later. This time, it was tougher with two children coming so close one after another. In the late 1990s, we could not use our Medisave to pay for delivery charges and, again, I had to take no-pay leave.

Having so many children in our family requires us to make many adjustments. If we go out at all, we need two taxies. And during Chinese New Year, we sense that we are not welcome at some people’s places as the economics of hongbao exchanging do not add up in their favour!

But my older children know how to look after a newborn, from bathing to changing diapers. Not many women know such skills. Most importantly, our children learn to share.

I gave birth to No 6 last year, and some people thought I would get to enjoy the baby bonus. But the sixth child does not qualify for any baby bonus, and neither could I avail of the three months’ maternity leave.

What lessons can be drawn from my experience? Firstly, making a decision to have a child is a personal one between a husband and his wife. We have children because we like children, even if we do not get to enjoy a baby bonus. It would be sad if a couple had a child solely for the monetary rewards, as a child needs more than money to grow into adulthood.

Secondly, women need to rediscover who they are. Only we can bring life into the world, and since the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, I feel we have actively suppressed this important role of procreation. Of course, in this era of equality, we can argue that the husband must also contribute to bringing up a child — but if a woman does not even allow herself to bear a child, how can the man get the chance?

Often, women in Singapore prefer a briefcase to a bottle, a notebook to a nappy. In this drive to actualise ourselves as career women and useful citizens, have we forgotten that we have the power and ability to bring life into the world?

This article first appeared in TODAY on 17th January 2006