It's payback time

Hand up if you have promised any of your children that if they do well in the final exam, PSLE, O Level or A level, Papa or Mama will buy........ (fill in the blanks here, it does not matter), bring you to ..... (again fill in the blanks here, it does not matter) or bargain .... you life away.

One of my friend ran out of gift to motivate her son who is completing his A level next year at a junior college in Bishan. He has been given a high powered computer yet again( so that he can play batter with great graphic), brought all over Asia for holidays for doing well.

I called this the billiard ball syndrome. The child is the coloured ball on the pool table, the red balls are the gifts that parents promised for good performance and the parents are the ones holding the cue stick. Notice how the coloured balls will never moved by themselves but are dependent on a. the red ball to transfer the energy and b. the amount of force that the cue stick has been used to transfer the energy from the red ball to the coloured ball.

When a child has been brought up to believe that learning is not an end in itself but a means to get the next PSP, hand phone or trip to the ski resort in Korea, he or she is not given the opportunity to experience the joy of learn.

Of course, some parents will argue that it is better his child passes the exam at what ever cost, never mind if he grow up selfish or materialistic. Or they commit the ad populum fallacy that since everyone of my friend, relative and neighbour is doing it, it is all right.

So what can a parent do to cultivate this joy of learning, to bring up self driven learner that is independent and intelligent at the same time?

Firstly, never associate learning with any kind of reward. Period.

Secondly, celebrate any small achievement that the child achieve at his own time and pace. Our four year old just learn to write an A yesterday and we were so happy and so proud of him. We praised him for being able to write but did not promise him that if he can write from A to Z he will get his Optimum Prime for Christmas.


Thirdly, create an environment which is safe and secure for the child to learn. The brain responses better to a positive environment. If the brain is stressed, it will perform but the performance is under par and will not be long lasting. Answer any questions that the child has and do not make him feel that his question is stupid, uninteresting or useless. Most important of all, never compare the brain with any other brain. It is the easiest way for the brain to give up it quest for learning.

A human brain is designed to learn. The million dollar question is what will it learn? Often, it will learn what the parents does not intend for it to learn. We as parents just have to remember Newton Third Law of motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Now think. What is the opposite reaction when your child receive his gift this Christmas for doing well in his exam?


You have been warned.