Getting ready for that final trip

As the year-end nears and people are reflecting on rebirth and renewal, my thoughts have turned to death, instead.

A distant relative, who makes a regular trip to Singapore every four or five years to visit the friends and relatives she left behind when she migrated to England, revealed that she had begun to make her own funeral preparations. She was already 77, she explained.

She had settled her affairs with regard to her house and left instructions on what to do should she go into a coma. And, on this last trip, she made her peace with everyone she met.

After my father died, my mother immediately went to see a lawyer to make a will. Bolstered by her faith, she appears to approach death without trepidation.

I also spoke to a woman who had cancer of the womb and who was not yet ready to face death. She had her womb taken out last year. Although her religion, too, assures her a place in the afterlife, I sense she is not so eager to move on. Despite this, she, too, has made detailed plans for her final exit.

As Singapore prepares for an ageing population, many of us have to face the fact that our mortality may not be that far off.

Last year, in the space of six months, two acquaintances of mine died in their sleep, leaving behind grieving mothers aged over 70 to look into their affairs.

Indeed, six reported sudden deaths in the last two months — including five healthy young people who died in their sleep — may have led some to wonder if they might be next.

Not many people would prepare for their final exit with the same attention given to their wedding. Indeed, most readily expend time, effort and money in the latter.

Yet, death is an inevitable conclusion for all of us. Most people, however, act like frail actors beyond their prime, hogging life and thinking they will be that one unique individual who will not grow old, and who can escape death.

It does not help that society does not appreciate ageing — judging from the number of anti-ageing paraphernalia advertised. A relative of mine is being pressured to dye his hair black, as it is thought no one will hire an old man with white hair as a security guard.

We are all afraid to die. Part of the fear comes from the fear of the unknown.

We wonder where we will go. Will we have to suffer for our transgressions? How do we know we won't feel pain at being cremated? And who will look after our loved ones?

As a child, a visit to the Ten Courts of Hell exhibit in Haw Par Villa instilled in me a terror of death. Now that I am an adult, I've recently started thinking that I want to face death squarely.

If I love my family, I must ensure that my death does not add to their misery of losing me.

So, I have come up with a to-do list that I must complete before the year ends.

Firstly, I will check the nomination made to my Central Provident Fund and ensure that all my six children will have an equal share of my funds.

Secondly, I will cancel all my credit lines and credit cards. This is because of a discovery that if I were to die suddenly, my next of kin would inherit my debts.

Thirdly, I will make an Advance Medical Directive. It might not be the same one provided by the Ministry of Health but I will let my next of kin know how far to go to keep me alive.

Finally, I will plan my funeral like a bride plans for her wedding. I will decide on the songs, the kind of service to have and how long the wake will be.

Some people may feel it is unlucky to think about death and that it might hasten the unwelcome event. But not caring enough to prepare for one's death might just be one of the most selfish, unloving acts towards our loved ones.

This article first appeared in Today on 18.12.2006.


P.S. I have left instructions that the picture found in this blog profile be used as my lorry photo. For those who are coming for my wake, have fun, spread happy thoughts. Be Good, Be Happy. Be Gone.

Of course there will be a Toastmaster meeting at my wake with table topics and prepared speeches. The great philospher should return the favour and present a eulogy for me just as I have done for him at the NUSA Toastmaster meeting long time ago.

Please treat this as a personal invitation. We will need a L.E. G.E T.M.E and T.T.M, Timer and Ah Counter.

My students will remember that when asked when to hand up their work I often say "Before I die."

This season, spread only good cheer

Unlike Hong Kong, we have become too lax with our habits, post-Sars


HEALTH Minister Khaw Boon Wan's comments on Sunday ("March in step to stop disease outbreak", Dec 11) — coming on the heels of my visit to Hong Kong — made me wonder if Singaporeans have forgotten the lessons of the Sars crisis.

Mr Khaw, speaking at the opening of the annual Keystone symposia, urged governments and individuals to regain the "spirit of decisiveness and openness" they displayed during the 2003 Sars outbreak, and which they appear to have lost.

On my recent trip to Hong Kong, I was with a group of people who walked around in public wearing masks. I could only infer that they had the flu and did not want to spread the bug.

At the train stations, I heard public announcements reminding those with the flu to wear masks.

I also saw a sign that read "automatic sterilisation of hands" over a device at the hostel where I was staying. And at Hong Kong airport and the immigrant centre in Shenzhen, visitors were screened for fever.

Based on such anecdotal encounters, I cannot help but feel that people in Hong Kong have taken the lessons from the Sars epidemic far more seriously than Singaporeans have.

Here, since the Sars episode three years ago, I have encountered only one colleague who wore a mask when she had a flu.

I, for one, have been guilty of not bothering to use a mask out of self-consciousness — I am afraid of the stares I will get if I did so.

I have also given up the habit of sterilising my hands properly due to laziness. I try to justify this omission by telling myself that if sterilising facilities were provided, I would use them.

The Sars outbreak caught us by surprise and it took us some time to establish good habits and a protocol to break the chain of transmission.

With hindsight and forewarning of the potential deadliness of the avian flu, our Government has been taking proactive steps to prepare for a potential pandemic.

Contingency plans are in place, Tamiflu has been stockpiled and regular checks are conducted on wild birds. But this might not be sufficient if we do not all go back to the good habits adapted during the Sars epidemic.

It boils down to taking personal responsibility to protect the community when we are ill.

It means covering our mouth and nose with tissue when coughing or sneezing, and not spitting in public (which is a finable offence in any case).

Most important of all, we should wash our hands with soap and warm water after going to the toilet or handling live birds, raw poultry and uncooked eggs.

Three years ago, medical experts warned that there was no room for complacency when dealing with Sars and other infectious diseases.

This Christmas, as we gather for celebrations, let us remember to spread only good cheer — and not the flu virus.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 14.12.2006

Reflection at Hong Kong Day 4 and 5

I am now back in Singapore safe and sound having slept the whole of Saturday recovering from living in Hong Kong.

Day 4 saw me going to Shenzhen but did not survived for three hours and I decided to leave. I did not like the place at all and felt very lonely. The sales ladies were very good as they managed to make me buy a lot of stuff without realising that I do not need them.

I suddenly felt so home sick that I tried to convince the airline office to let me change my flight but I could not. I went to several hotels but they were all overbooked. I could not stay at the Institute hostel as it was the last day of the conference and I had to check out.

I found a hotel that is like Hotel 81 type. I stayed there for two hours to rest my legs and then went out for dinner. I looked at a night market but could not buy any stuff as I did not have much money left.

Next day, I woke up at 5 a.m.and waited for 6 a.m.before I explored Hong Kong. I have travlled on all the MRT lines and found a little town with a lot of governmnet flats.

Next, I went to Lantou Island to see the Big Buddah. I loved that place as there are many good relief where my students would have found it useful for map reading.

I went back to Taipo to get my luggages and presented a bunch of roses for Coco Ng who was kind enough to let me keep my bag at the Institute.

Also said Goodbye to the nice sales ladies who sold me 3 pair of boots. The Tim-sum ladies actually thanked me for selecting her tim-sum. The taxi driver waited for me at no extra charge when I wen to collect my luggage.

Last minute, I was mad enough to buy six botttles of conditioners and shampoo for my Ess and daughters only to find out that I cannot checked in as hand luggage. I was already 10 kg over weight (The baggage not me. Me I am 30 kg overweight) and this added to more weight.Sight.

Although I learnt alot from the conference, I felt very lonely and did not enjoy touring and exploring Hong Kong on my own.