I read with concern the warning that doctors here raised of a sharp rise in the number of young people addicted to the Internet, with the most severe cases needing hospitalisation to wean them off the Web. (Straits Time 5th December 2008). Two issues come to my mind. Firstly, the effect of the usage of the internet has on the rest of us, and secondly what can parents do to prevent their children from being addicted without banning them from total use of the internet. These two issues are interrelated and both require similar solution.

Thomas Friedman (2002), in his “Global Village Idiocy” article published in The New York Times in May 2002, observed astutely that:

“Thanks to the Internet and satellite TV, the world is being wired together technologically, but not socially, politically or culturally. We are now seeing and hearing one another faster and better, but with no corresponding improvement in our ability to learn from, or understand, one another.”

He concluded that ''In some ways, global satellite TV and Internet access have actually made the world a less understanding, less tolerant place.''

Cyber bullying, cyber quarrel and flaming have become part and parcel of the internet user life. The development of broadband allows for faster internet access to information and data from all multiple sources. With so much information being available, it is necessary to develop skills to evaluate what is found on the internet. Reader must be aware that not everything that is printed on the internet are true. Caveat Lector: “Let the reader beware”

Without face to face interaction, the quality of engagement over the internet through Facebook and other social network system has reduced a human being to an avatar no more then a couple of megapixel on the computer screen, a string of texts which do not represent the whole human being. Personality does and can change when one is in cyber space. How then can one trust the cyber space person?

Friedman proposed that this process can only be reversed with education, exchanges, diplomacy and human interaction. I agreed with him and I believe that this process can best be counteracted through the development of human relationships within the context of the family first and society later.

In the same article in the Straits Time, the Advisory Council on the Impact of New Media on Society (Aims) suggested that the Government and industry bear the cost of Internet filters - such as the Family Access Network provided by telcos - which help parents monitor and control children's Net habits.

This solution alone is not enough as it gives parents the misguided believe that
with the provision of Internet filters their children will be inoculated from being an addict to the internet. Having an internet filter is just an additional gadget or gizmos that cannot be replaced by the warmth of a human touch.

How do we balance the need to prepare our children for the globalized world where the skills to live in cyber space is as important as surviving in the real world?

When we shared that we have three desktops and five laptops in our household and two broadband, teenagers usually assumed that our six children are luckly to have us as parents. That is until they realized that we do not allow any of our children to play any on line games, X Box or game box. One Christmas, when a kind uncle brought an X box for our children we gave it away to an unlucky child. Our children do not know the existence of Maple story or the Penguin Arcade. We believe in the principle that what they do not know they do not miss.

Are we too harsh as parents? I do not think so because like many good responsible parents we do not use the internet as a baby sitter or a proxy parent.

We believe strongly in the power of independent learning and believe that if we teach our children how to critically judge information from the internet, it can be a powerful educational tool.

The children have developed the habit to search for information on the internet when they do not understand or want to learn a new concept. One night, when we entered a discussion about the role of Admiral Zheng He in South East Asia, we were surprise and glad that out nine year old could go to You-Tube to learn more about him. Of course we have to teach our children that not all information found in the internet are true.

We allow them full access to the programs of the computers from which they discovered how to handle word document, how to paint cyber picture and make presentation using PowerPoint.

However the cultivation and development of family relationships goes hand in hand with the preparation of our children for the internet world. Family rituals like prayer before meals, waking up at 5.45 am to go for Sunday Morning Mass, having fun or serious conversation after dinner and night prayer help established good family relationship so that we the parents can guide our children through this minefield called the internet.

Other daily rituals include going to the park everyday to jump on the swing, build sand castle and of course fighting and making up with friends in the park.

We also ensure that the love for reading is cultivated early as we believe that a high literacy rate is an essential skills for our children to manage the nuances and tone of the language that are used in the internet. This is the first step in training our children to have a healthy level of skepticism, ever questioning the comments, opinions and information that are flooding the internet.

We cannot live without the internet. Sometime the only way I get to speak to my older children is through msn. But with the establishment of good family relationships between parents and children and among siblings, our children do not see the need to spend an unreasonable amount of time in the internet to fill the void of an empty lonely life. After all any form of addiction is normally an indication of an unfulfilled life.

But what about children who already shows sign of being addicted to the internet or other computer gadget to the extent that they do not want to interact with family and friends?

Parents will have to be the one to take the first step to help their children. In the area of discipline, we always remember this verse from the New Testament “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Some parents provides these computer gadgets for their children out of a sense of guilt for not spending time with their children or because they want to be popular with their children. Others just want some peace and quite and so these computers gadgets have become the virtual baby soothers.

The first step is to have the courage to recognize that there is a problem and there is a need to wean the children off excessive use of the internet and computer gadgets.

Since internet addiction is a bad habit that is formed over time, parents can help children establish good habit to replace the bad habit. Parents may have to try out more than one replacement habit for the bad habit to find something that work but if we persist the negative behaviour can be replaced with a more positive one. For examples, children can go swimming with the parents every weekend. This is a very effective method as no child would be silly enough to bring their game boy into the swimming pool.

Another method is to limit where and when the child is allowed to use the internet and play computer games. Limit the time spend to a max of one or two hours a day and in a less comfortable place. Knowing that there is a time when they are allowed to play computer games makes it easier to control or reduced the craving. This strategy may be unlikely to help kick the addiction but it is often a helpful start.

Ultimately we parents are responsible for our children, We cannot blame the society, their friends or even the internet when they become addicted to the internet. We could not even hide under the excuse of having to work and so could not find the time for our children. As parents we have to be responsible and teach our children about discipline for the reward is great.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)