Ties that Bind and Blinds

My father, a Chinese, grew up in Kampong Glam and Malay was his main language of communication. Every Hari Raya, he would make a special effort to send cakes and other tit bits to his Malay neighbours. He even made a special effort to deliver these gifts to those who have moved out to Telok Kurau and Bedok.

In my eyes, I have never considered him a raciest yet when I brought my Eurasian husband home he was upset. My grandfather and father were unhappy that I was going out with someone of a different race and threaten to disown me if I continue with this relationship. My maternal grandmother and mother were concern that they will have grandchildren that are of a different colour and so will be a laugh stock of the Chinese community.

Needless to say we faced many obstacles. My mother tried ways and means to introduce me to different Chinese boyfriends from a marine engineer to someone who owed a jewels shop. After seven years, when my parents saw that we were committed to each other, they agreed to our marriage. We tried our best to accommodate to the Chinese customs that they treasured from buying live chicken as part of the dowry to serving roast pork at the Chinese dinner to signify that I was a virgin.

However, once we were married, my parents welcome my husband with open arms. Their initial fear of having to adjust to different customs and religions was eradicated when my husband made an effort to join in the celebrations as far as he is comfortable and as his religion allows. So now we celebrate both Christmas and Chinese New Year, All Saints Day and the Seven Months Ghost festivals.

As I was reading the report about how Singaporean still have different attitudes when it come to race-related issues, I was not surprise that most Singaporean baulking at the thought of marrying someone of another race.

As my husband and I are of a different race, I should have been more open to inter-racial marriages. I was thus surprised when I discovered that I was not very accommodating when my eighteen year old son start to date girls from different race and religion. So far he has friends of whom one is an Arab-Malay girl and another Sikh. I noticed that I did not made so many comments when he told me about his Chinese girlfriends as compared to those of the other races until my good friend asked my why I was making so much noise.

The other day, my younger son asked me what race is he, as he has a Eurasian father and a Chinese mother. I suggested that he says he is a Eurasian Chinese until his father put his foot down and said he is a Eurasian.

After being married to a Eurasian for almost twenty years, I discovered that deep down I still cannot forget my Chinese roots. I always felt good when I can speak in dialect with my friends or eat Chinese food. Yet by embracing the Eurasian culture with an open attitude, I had discovered so much more from how to make a good fruit cake to cooking the definitive Devil Curry. (one day I hope)


In that report entitled The Ties that Bind and Blind, those that were polled said that they have no problem dealing with a person of authority who is form a different race but when it come to marriage, many said that they would not be willing to marry some one of a different race.

Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown or the inconvenience of having to adjust to different customs and practices. Maybe it because we Singaporean are practical people and believe that marriage is already tough without having these additional factors to consider.

However I believe that once we are in love we will be able to look beyond these issues and see the person and not the race per se. After all like what my son once explained to me, the skin may be yellow, pink, fair or dark but the blood will always be red.

I have grown to accept the possibility that my future daughter might be someone of a difference race from me and I believe that I can be as open and accepting of them as my parents have been to my husband.