Children's Day, Children's Right

October 1 is Children's Day. After organizing numerous children’s party for them and the final balloon has burst, perhaps it is a good time to take stock and examine if we have provided our children with their basic rights.

According to the United Nations Convention of the Rights of the Child, Article 18(1), "Parents or, as the case may be, legal guardians, have the primary responsibility for the upbringing and development of the child. The best interests of the child will be their basic concern."

It was an exciting time when my eldest son was born for his grandparents as he was the first grandson and great-grand son. He was spoilt rotten with gifts galore. When he was naughty, he was seldom disciplined and was excused as being mischievous or just being a child. Once, we felt that a good caning was required but one of his grandparents was upset with our mode of punishment. We had to put our foot down and explained firmly yet gently that our child is our primary responsibility and it was our duty to discipline him.

With women working, many of us have to depend on our parents to look after our children. However, grandparents sometimes forget their role and took over role of the parents.

For example, one of my acquaintances has left strict instructions to her parents not to let her baby listen to a particular genre of music. The grandfather, however, insists that the baby listen to it and give explicit instruction to his wife to play the music when the child’s mother is not around. The grandfather has overstepped his boundary and did not respect his daughter rights.

Often grandparents would defend themselves and justify their action by saying that they have the best interest of the grandchild at heart. But what happens when there is a conflict or difference of opinion? Who should give way? The parents deferring to the grandparents? Or the grandparents graciously letting go of their children and trusting that they will do a good job with their grandchild?

The grandparents still have an important role to play in a grandchild’s life. They can create a safe environment where the child can explore and play, they can tell stories or comfort the child when he falls.

However when it comes to the area of discipline, the upbringing and development of the child, parents must maintain the primary responsibility and have the final say.

As parents, we can not give the excuse of project deadlines, overseas work assignments and unreasonable employer demand as an excuse to avoid the role and responsibility of bring up a child. We have heard of a pair of missionary workers who were consistently seeking overseas missionary work to do while leaving their two young children behind to be looked after by their relatives.

Our children have the right to a healthy relationship with us. They have the right to grow up in a safe, caring environment where they are free to develop and grow to their fullest potential. Our role as parents is to nurture the talents and gifts that are hidden in our children and not living our unfulfilled life through them. Often in the name of wanting the best for our children, we failed to recognize their needs and their interest.

Recently, a lawyer quit her high pay job to be a teacher and took a hefty paycut. She is lead a more fulfill and happier life now as a teacher instead of working in a stressed-filled environment for almost 18 hours a day. Her father had insisted that she read law. Luckily she had the courage to take charge of her life and change her job before it was too late.

A middle age mother of two was not so brave. Growing up with a strong-will and domineering mother, she has recently committed herself to a seven year part time course. Although she has no interest at all in this course, her mother had insisted on it. Consequently she is not given a space to grow into a responsible, mature adult with her two children suffering as she finds it difficult to function as a parent.

Being a parent in Singapore is a delicate balancing job. We have to balance our career with our children, and the demands of our children with that of our parents. However when we are cleared that our basic concern is in the best interest of our children, we should not go wrong. Are we ready to celebrate Children’s Day?
















Note: This is a response from a reader.
I am the 'not so brave' mother mentioned in the article and feel that I have been grossly and unfairly misrepresented here. I wish to correct my friend's skewed perspective that 'my children are suffering'. Check out my story in http://www.jonisiah.blogspot.com/



Dear Readers
I would like to encourage all readers to go to her blog to check out her story.
Mamafess