A TUTOR was giving tuition in a home when she observed that her student did not flush the toilet after he used it. His father said it was the maid job's to flush the toilet.
In another incident, a group of Secondary 1 students were washing up after going sailing. The teacher observed that one student did not turn off the tap after using it. His explanation was that at home, it was the maid's job to do so after he had taken a bath.
And of course, some of us have come across young National Service recruits who do not know how to lace up their boots because they have never learnt how to put their shoes on.
Surely, I joke?
No, the stories are true.
While a maid is a lifeline to many families, perhaps it's time to ask if things have gone over the line.
Many women continue to go to work because the maids have taken over the role of a homemaker. Sometimes, the maids take over the home so completely that family members do not know where things are kept.
Some maids have also taken over the role of bringing up the children, so much so that the kids are traumatised when the maid is sent away.
Where do we draw the line? Should the maid be expected to flush the toilet after we use it? What about waking her up at 2am, as some have been known to do, to make supper for a hungry family member?
Sometimes, we forget that the maid is also a human being in need of encouragement and dignified treatment.
A local pastor was asked to leave a church after advocating that the faithful give their maid a Sunday off as it is a day of rest.
But unless we change the way we relate to our maids, we are in real danger of producing a generation of children who are selfish and look down on the littlest of menial jobs.
An indication of this trend can be observed in many classrooms in Singapore. In the past, classes had a duty roster whereby students took turns to do cleaning jobs — be it sweeping or clearing the rubbish bin.
Ask any teacher now and likely, he or she will tell you that it is getting tougher to make students do these simple tasks. Sometimes students retort: "Why should I?"
Once I heard this argument from a student. He said that since his father pays income tax, the school can employ cleaners to clean the classroom.
When our three teenagers were growing up, we did not have a maid till they were in primary school. They were sent to a daycare centre where they learnt to bathe themselves. They had to pack their towel and a change of clothes every day, and they even had to make their own breakfast.
Even now, although we have a maid, we still train our kids to look after the youngest, a one-year-old.
They know how to bathe him, change his diapers and make milk for him. They know how to cook and wash plates and if the maid were to pack up and go, they would be able to look after the house.
The maid is our helper who is there to make our life more comfortable; she is neither a surrogate parent nor a slave.
Unless we learn to treat her with respect, our children will not be able to learn to show respect to others.
Do we want to turn our children into little emperors?
This article was first published in TODAY on 17th October 2006
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5 comments:
whao... mrs ess... well said!!! tat was a good article!!!
Letter from HASLINDA SHAMSUDIN
I READ with interest Frances Ong’s “It’s the maid’s job!” (Oct 17).
I am not surprised at her accounts of how our children are leaving everything to the maid — flushing the toilet, turning off
the tap, and so on.
I have heard stories from maids in my estate about what they were made to do.
In one home, the teenage daughters of the employer left their soiled sanitary pads for their maid to clear. When the poor maid advised the girls to clear the soiled pads
themselves, they told her off and said she should pick up after them, as it was her job to keep the house clean.
Another maid said that before she flew off for home leave, there was some leftover rice in the cooker. She served breakfast to the family, whose four children are
teenagers.
When she returned to Singapore two
weeks later, the cups of Milo and coffee and plates of leftovers had been left unwashed in the kitchen sink — the drink residue dried and hardened in the cups, the food
mouldy and the rice in the cooker smelly.
Apparently, the family had waited for her to return to wash these.
In such cases, I feel that things had indeed gone over the line with regard to what a maid should be expected to do.
I agree that employers should change the way they relate to their maids.
If parents look down on their maid and treat her like a slave, their children will do
the same.
If parents don’t even wash their own cups, their children will follow suit. Parents should set a good example, educate their children to respect and treat
the maid as a helper, and teach them to perform
simple household chores.
Time to take responsibility
for our own offspring
Letter from QUEK MENG-CHONG
IT IS a sad state of affairs when, in the race to be a First World nation, we forget that the important things in life are not
measured in dollars and cents.
Let’s not bring up the usual arguments about the high cost of living that requires both
parents to work or the effects of this on society.
A child — until he or she reaches maturity — is the responsibility of the parents and, to a degree, the extended family.
The buck stops there. Whoever considers outsourcing the parenting responsibility
to the maid, school, police, government or society, ought to seriously reconsider having children.
If the trend of having maids as the primary caregivers and educators continues, how will the next few generations of Singaporeans be able to compete in a working world that is becoming increasing mobile and moving further from the comforts of
home?
Get children used to
working from an early age
Letter from JEFFREY LAW LEE BENG
YOUNG people should be accustomed to physical labour from the first years, or they could turn into a generation expecting society to provide them with more than they
themselves are ready to contribute.
Doing simple household chores such as sweeping the floor and cleaning the table are now being postponed until these young people complete their education — and in some cases, until they start working!
It is no wonder that today’s teenagers have the notion that they have “better things” to do — such as to study hard and climb the career ladder — and that housework is only meant for their parents or maids.
In this light, it would be beneficial to find ways to provide teenagers with jobs during the school vacation.
On reining in the kids and
losing the household reins
Letter from LEE YIN MAY
IT IS no wonder that some maids are not allowed any days off, if they have to be there to flush the toilets or turn off taps left
running!
I have heard from maids that they have to serve the children food with both hands.
Some were kicked by their charges while trying to separate them in a fight. And other children asked the maids for money when the latter received their salaries.
What values are being taught to the
children?
On the other hand, someone once told me that a maid, who had worked 13 years for the same family, was the one the children
asked for permission to go out with
friends.
Had her employers lost their stand in the house because they had not bothered to bond with their children or had not bothered
how the house was run?
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