WHEN I read that Gina Lollobrigida, at 79, was to wed Javier Rigau, aged 45, I was happy for them. They have joined the club of older women marrying younger men.
These couples include Joan Collins, 73, and Percy Gibson, 41; Demi Moore, 43, and Ashton Kutcher, 28; and Madonna, 48, and Guy Ritchie, 38. I too belong to this club, although my husband is only three years younger than I am.
Society likes to accept the pretty picture of a relationship where the couple is of the same age or when the man is older.
When Woody Allen was involved with Soon-Yi Previn, who is 35 years younger, they made headlines not so much because of their age difference, but because of the incestuous flavour to the fact that she was his former lover's adopted daughter.
When Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is 25 years younger, the world laughed it off and accepted it as a May-December wedding.
It is different when the woman is older. The argument or the fear is that the man will leave the older woman for a younger one when she ages.
They fail to see that when a younger man starts a relationship with an older woman, he has already seen what she will look like when she grows older. Therefore, the relationship will probably be based on other criterion than looks alone.
When we first started to date, we also set tongues wagging. You see, I knew my husband when he was doing his O levels and I was waiting to go to university.
Everyone, from my parents to the nuns in the convent, was sure that our relationship was doomed to fail.
They could not understand what we could see in each other when our worlds were so far apart — he had yet to celebrate his 16th birthday, I was about to enter the adult world.
Many, including ourselves, were sure we would each find someone else in future more compatible. So, we did not commit to each other for three years.
Younger girls closer to his age were chasing him while I was keeping my options open for older men. But in the end, we chose to stay together as we could communicate well.
One day, a highly-educated girlfriend and I talked about her choice of a life partner. Her selection criteria were as to be expected: Someone of similar age, education and status. We explored the possibility of someone younger or older, but she felt it would not work.
Yet, another friend is waiting to separate from her husband even though they are of similar age, share the same interests and have similar social standing.
Instead of waiting for someone who fits our preconditions, why not be open to others around us? Had I been closed to having a relationship with someone as improbable as my husband, we would have missed out on 18 years of a happy marriage.
I have known my husband for 25 years and many people have asked us the secret of staying in love for so long.
Like Zoe Tay, I too swallow. Not any pills that will keep my skin smooth forever, but my pride, so that our relationship will be smooth-sailing.
Too often, it is tough for us to accept that we may be wrong when our spouse or partner corrects us.
Some of us like to have the last word. But many women do not understand that winning an argument might make us lose the battle to keep the marriage alive. Always try to consider if what our spouse says has a grain of truth.
Instead of asking what Javier Rigau sees in an older woman after being with her for 22 years, we could reflect on how they have managed to keep this relationship alive for so long.
I am sure it is not based on looks alone, even though Gina was once considered the most beautiful woman in the world. Some might say that he's in it for the money, but I would like to suggest that we apply Ockham's razor.
After shaving away all the unnecessary assumptions, the simplest explanation for this unlikely couple is this: Love conquers all things, even warts and saggy skin.
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Letter from JANNE LIN
I read with interest Frances Ong Hock Lin's I Say comment, "Her Winter, His Spring"(Oct 25). The article brought back memories of a recent incident.
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I was woken up on the train by another commuter speaking to a friend over the telephone when she shrilly exclaimed: "Are you sure HE really loves her?"
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She seemed upset that the man in question was enamoured of another woman about 12 years older. This other woman had been divorced twice and had children from her earlier marriages. Yet, the man did not seem to mind and planned to get engaged to her.
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I remember the distress on the commuter's face as she poured out her heart to her friend, oblivious to the stares everyone was giving her. She could not face the fact that the man would rather choose an older woman than her, who was single and never married.
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Does a man who loves an older woman really deserve the adverse reactions of society? How do other men view such men?
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The common reaction from my friends is: "How can the man be younger than the woman by so many years? At the most one to three years, older than that, you feel as if the man has married his aunty."
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A few years ago, an 18-year-old made news in Taiwan when he proclaimed he was deeply in love with a woman in her 60s. Society was against such a Spring-Autumn romance for such relationships were not within the norm.
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What is not normal about the relationship? It is still love between two people. I agree with Ms Ong that such men would have been able to look beyond the woman's appearance and love her for who she is. While society still treasures external beauty, there are people who can treasure another human being for her inner qualities.
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True love sees beyond the surface and is genuine in its acceptance of another.
Letter from Nelson Quah
While society frowns on women marrying younger men, it is ironic that it gives its approval to men in their 60s marrying women in their 20s who can be their daughters.
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Some old-fashioned parents would discourage their son from marrying an older woman as such a marriage is not seen to be the norm.
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It is encouraging that such old-fashioned, irrational prejudices have been overcome by some couples who are successfully living out their married lives according to their beliefs and values.
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Parents should allow their son to marry a woman of his own choice, even if that is an older woman, as long as it is for love and not for money, for instance.
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Parents should also be more open-minded when their child chooses to enter an inter-racial marriage as genuine love has greater weightage than skin colour.
Letter from HENRY KOH
MS ONG was obviously writing to sing the praises of such marriages as she is in the same boat, married to someone younger.
She cites a few such couples who are Western — few Asians would like to take this path.
I can't imagine a man of 45 marrying a woman who is 79.
It is like a son marrying his mother or, worse, his grandmother!
I sure hope this sort of Western trend does not catch on in our Asian culture.
cool man,so lovly!(^-^)開放sia..i LOVE ur views..my ang mo sux too bad,haha
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