Have a reunion dinner every day.

EVER since my two older children started attending polytechnic last month, it has been difficult for us to have a family dinner together.

On some days, my son comes home at 10pm, after his guitar club activities. On other days, my daughter stays over at her grandmother's, which is near the poly, as her sports training ends at 8.30pm.

We still try to have family meals with four of our six children. But it does not feel quite the same.

As a busy career woman, I too have been guilty of delegating my duty of cooking the family meal to my maid, even though my children and husband seem to think that my maid's cooking can never replace mine.

I remember when I stood at the stove for over two hours stirring a pot of chicken porridge while my two daughters sat nearby shredding the chicken. We had so much fun chatting and laughing. Sadly, these cooking sessions are few and far between.

Often, I gave the excuse of being too busy with work or being too tired to cook dinner after a hard day's work. Recently, however, I have been reminded of this curious event by one of my friends.

Ever since its inception in 2003, a yearly "Eat With Your Family Day" has been designated to encourage families to eat together. Schools, companies and organisations in Singapore will be encouraged to stop work and end activities by 5pm so that the family can gather to have a meal.

This year, is slated for Friday, May 25, which is also the last day of school and so there should not be any remedial lessons, CCA or supplementary lessons for students.

I am determined to make this day a success. This does not mean going out to a fancy restaurant for a meal or cooking up a storm at home.

Instead, I plan to cook a simple beef stew. I'm looking forward to the smell of spices, onions and beef permeating through the kitchen. A plain salad of lettuce, tomatoes and pineapple would make a lovely side dish. As for dessert, I will simply open two cans of longans and add some fresh apples and oranges to it.

Since we do not have a television set, there will be no need to switch one off. A survey of more than 1,300 low-income families with pre-school children in America found that the benefits of sitting down to a family dinner are lost if the television is on during the meal. Registered dietician Lynn S Edmunds of the New York State Department of Health, Albany, has urged parents to turn the television off during family mealtimes.

So, what happens at the table if the television is switched off? As parents, we must not take this opportunity to turn it into a nagging, reprimanding or lecture session. Nor should we make it a comparison session, where we compare the achievements of one child with those of another.

Instead, we should try to make light conversation and generally have fun at the dinner table so our children look forward to this family ritual.

With our hectic schedules, my husband and I have discovered that the family meal is a great way to keep in touch with everyone after a busy day.

It is also a comforting ritual for our young children as it provides them with a sense of security. They learn table manners, how to behave at mealtimes, and to see to others' needs. For example, if the last piece of chicken is left on the plate, a child has to ask if anyone else wants it before he is allowed to eat it.

Our children also learn to co-operate as they set the table before meals and clear the table after meals. The older children do the washing.

A family meal is like a safe harbour to which our children can come home to take shelter. Why should we wait for Christmas or the Chinese New Year reunion dinner for a family meal? Every day should be an "Eat with your family day" as far as possible.

The writer, a mother of six, will try to gather her brood of children to eat on May 25.

My two year old was throwing a tantrum recently. He has learnt that if he cries, his caregiver, the maid, would give in to his demand. But it cuts no ice with his five older siblings and his parents who were not about to give him any face.

As he was throwing his temper, he was made to stand and face the wall. Soon enough, he learnt that no one was paying any attention to him and so he decided to take his bottle of milk and lie down quietly to drink and fall asleep.

Too often, I have observed that parents nowadays are afraid to let their children suffer a little inconvenience or even pain. It has been a standard practice in our household that if any child so choose not to eat his meal at meal time he will remain hungry until the following meal time. There will no snacking or cajoling the child to eat junk food so that he does not remain hungry.

Recently, it was reported that a 17 year old JC student hit a bus-driver despite pleas from the bus driver to stop. The boy called his father crying when he realized that the police had been called. Instead of letting the boy face the music, the boy’s father was seen kneeling down in front of the bus driver to seek forgiveness for his son. Later, the boy claimed, in a written response through his school, that it was a misunderstanding and the violence ensured was accidental.

If one of my children is found to be in a similar situation, I would not bail them out. They have learnt from young that like Newton Law of Physic, for every action there is a reaction and they have been trained to face the consequence of their action. Moreover a violent act is seldom accepted as an accidental act.

Once, one of our children hit the maid. We did not side with our child and blamed the maid nor did we claimed that it was an accident and brushed the incident away. Instead we investigated and discovered that indeed he has committed a transgression for which he was punished appropriately. In addition he was made to apologies to the maid.

I can only guess at the possible reason why the father of this JC boy did what he did. Perhaps he did not want the boy’s bright future to be blemished by a police case. Maybe he was being over-protective. Or he could have pinned all his hopes and dreams on his boy who was studying in a premier junior college along Bukit Timah Road.

Whatever the reason, this incident has forced me to reflect on how far a parent should go to sacrifice in the name of parent’s love.

The father, who went on his knees to beg for forgiveness on his son’s behalf, has deprived his son of an opportunity to learn an important aspect of human relationship. He should have play his role as a parent and insist that the son kneel down and beg for forgiveness for his rash act.

Many parents, in their pursuit of academic excellence for their children, have failed or neglected to develop any moral values in their children. They made the critical wrong assumption that academic excellence would somehow automatically transform someone into a morally upright, ethical citizen of society.

Values like respect for others, care and concern for fellow human beings and honesty and integrity have to be developed from young. These values are best developed in the home with the gentle guiding hands of the parents to lead the child on the right path when he goes astray.

Enrolling a child in an elite school, however, is not a protection or a guarantee against creating a violent monster.

Let's not take our laptops to bed

My seven-year-old daughter fell seriously ill a few days after I came back from attending a three-day adventure camp as part of my work.

I felt guilty. My first reaction was that, if I had not gone for the camp, she would not have fallen sick.

Recently, a friend passed up an opportunity and promotion to work in Beijing as it involved uprooting her family and sacrificing her husband's career. Another friend declined an opportunity to set up a service call centre in India because she was worried that this would have an adverse effect on her children.

I know that all three of us will have work on our mind this weekend, mentally organising the tasks we have to complete before the start of the next week.

Work-life harmony has been the buzzword since the setting up of the Work-Life Works Fund in August 2004, when the Government pumped in $10 million to facilitate the development and implementation of the Work-Life Strategy at the workplace.

But, like the three examples cited above, some job assignments require the women to leave the family and home for a considerable period. More women are required to travel overseas, be posted overseas or expected to work long hours.

How then does the career woman balance her career and her call to be a nurturing mother? Can we have our cake and eat it at the same time? Is it possible to bring up emotionally well-adjusted children while still climbing the career ladder?

Some of us are in the "sandwiched" generation where we have to take care of both our children and elderly parents.

With globalisation and technological advances, many of us bring our work into the home and bedroom. It is not uncommon for us to work at odd hours to connect with workers in other parts of the world. Once, close to midnight, my husband and I settled in bed, both with laptops on our laps. We worked until about 2am.

We realised then that we were working too hard, and asked ourselves if we were sacrificing too much of our family life for our work life?

At that point, I seriously considered quitting my job as I was not willing to continue to sacrifice my family for my work. My colleagues, especially those who have younger children, have shared similar sentiments.

Former labour chief Lim Boon Heng has highlighted the importance of keeping women in the workforce. It is about time that employers put in the extra effort to put work-life strategies in place instead of paying mere lip service to the concept.

For example, parents of children under six should be given the right to request flexible working arrangements or at least to forgo overnight duty. Employers have a duty to consider the request if it has no detrimental impact on the business.

Another option is the compressed work-week, in which one works full-time for four days and then enjoys a longer weekend and more time with the family.

And how about job sharing, in which two people split the demands of a single job, so that enough support is given to each employee and the responsibilities are balanced?

Finally, employers can introduce the concept of protected time for the employee. When I was holidaying in New Zealand, our bus driver was given a day off after three days of driving. So, we stopped at Queenstown for a day of rest and recreation.

In Singapore, employers could give employees the assurance that they will not receive SMSes, email or phone calls after a certain hour in the evening. I once heard of a deputy head who wanted to continue a meeting using MSN chat during dinnertime.

There are several benefits of adopting work-life strategies that help us working mothers cope with the demands of being both mothers and career women so that we are not forced to quit our jobs. Not only will Singapore be able to retain its talent pool, which is already so limited, but companies can also save on recruitment and training costs with the lower staff turnover.

With good work-life strategies in place, there will be less absenteeism and fewer people taking sick leave. A happy and contented employee will also be more productive and offer better services.

Ultimately, an employee is more than an economic digit. He or she has a family, a need to establish lasting relationships and the right to a day of rest.

The writer is a mother of six.
This article frist appeared in Today on 3rd May 2007

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Let's wake up to alternative work regime
Flexible arrangements are not hard to implement, if employers are willing

Letter from Foo Chin Peng

I refer to the I Say by Frances Ong ("Let's not take our laptops to bed", May 3).

I count myself lucky for the kind of work arrangement I have. I work in a foreign multinational company in the customer support/sales department. I work from home, go to the office one day a week, and attend meetings with customers or suppliers as and when required.

I have had this arrangement for three years and I am very content with it as it allows me more time with my children, a nine-year-old girl and a six-year-old boy.

When I started my career as an engineer years ago, it never occurred to me that I would consider quitting my job one day so that I could stay at home to be with my children. I was lucky to be offered this post when I resigned from my previous job.

My previous employer did not have such a work arrangement in place when I left, neither did my supervisor propose it.

Management and human resource practitioners have to think out of the box and be willing to take calculated risks in order to keep experienced staff. Employers in Singapore seem slow to adopt new practices. Managers opt for the easier route and hire new staff when current staff members resign.

Don't our managers trust the staff to contribute with a work-from-home arrangement? Why do managers have to ensure that employees are at their desks during office hours?

I think it is important that managers have a comprehensive common understanding with the staff on their job scope, and leave the staff to do their work.

Staff, on the other hand, have to ensure they meet their end of the bargain.

However, I would like to add that such an arrangement may not be for everyone or every job. One must learn to be independent, disciplined and self-motivated in order to be able to work from home.

Also, working from home does not necessarily mean that I have all the time I want with the kids. It just means that I can spend relatively more time with them. I still depend very much on my mother-in-law to help with my kids, cooking etc. I think it would be too ambitious to think that one can work from home and take care of every other chore as well.

When I took this job, I had to take a big pay cut. As I was the first employee in the company to be offered such a working arrangement, the discussion of pay was a rather ambiguous process.

Financially and professionally, I had to make a sacrifice. My job title may suggest a demotion, I have now less authority and no staff reporting to me, and my current post requires me to sign an annual contract since the company does not have a system for alternative work arrangement.

But as I am happier with my work arrangement, I often work outside of my work hours when there is a need to. I work according to need and not just during office hours. I find myself saving lots of time on travelling and on getting ready to go to work.

True to Ms Ong's article, as a happy worker, I have not taken sick leave in the past three years.

I believe mine is just one of the many varieties of alternative work arrangements which can be arrived at in the case of parents who need it. Many of my friends have said they would like to be able to work on such terms.

I certainly hope that there can be a framework for alternative work arrangement available to companies.

Like it or not, in Singapore, everyone seems to be waiting for the Government to do something about it. We really need to start on this drive, for our children's sake.
Flexible arrangements

Keep the Door Wide Open

WHEN gunman Cho Seung-Hui massacred 32 people at the Virginia Tech campus, many things went through my mind.

The one thought that has nagged me this week is how we welcome new immigrants into our society.

With Singapore's ageing population and the birth rate well below replacement level, we have heard all too often the need for an open-door policy.

After all, immigrants help to increase our gene pool, bring additional investment into our economy and contribute to economic development.

Moreover, with Singapore promoting itself as an educational hub, we can expect more immigrants at all strata of society.

A few weeks ago, my brother was watching a football match in which his 11-year-old son was playing. My brother was angry as the other school had fielded a foreign student who was as big as an adult to play in a primary school football game. But we found out that as long as the student is not above 14 years old, he is allowed to represent the primary school.

How should a parent and even local students respond to such an incident? Should they accept it as part of a representation of society? Or should there be a system in place where competition should be on a level playing field?

It is a well-known fact that many schools have been importing foreign talent to boost their sports teams and increase their chances of performing well in competitions. This has often discouraged locals like my nephew who have to play against those who are bigger, older or stronger than they are.

We can argue that this is a part of life and it is a good preparation for the workplace where we have to compete with foreign talent.

However, if the competition is not seen as fair and just, a sense of resentment will build up among the locals, and soon a culture may come about where immigrants are not made to feel welcome.

Though immigrants have become a part of the local community, perhaps there is still a need for new ways to promote a sense of belonging among the foreign talent that is flowing into Singapore.

We must not forget that our society was established by immigrants from all over the world. When Sir Stamford Raffles set up the trading post of Singapore, he made an effort to welcome people from all walks of life, recognising that this is the fastest way to establish a vibrant society. We must keep this in mind as we make an effort to welcome new immigrants.

When they speak with a different accent, when they show different tastes in food and clothing, when they express their culture in ways that are different from ours — we should accept them with an open heart, nor hurt them with words such as "go back to your homeland".

Neither should we talk behind their backs, complaining about unfair competition and unjust treatment.

Instead, we should welcome them with open arms for they offer insights and experiences that we might not be able to have if they were not here to interact with us.

Without the enriching presence of immigrants, we Singaporeans would be like frogs living in a well, unable to see beyond the narrow confines of our homes.

As for my nephew and my brother, all I can say to them is: Welcome to the world of globalisation where competition only rewards those with talent and ability. The presence of the foreign student will only encourage us to work harder and enhance our capacity to play better in the next game.

How uninteresting life in this country would be if there were no foreigners to spur us on to work harder, better and smarter.

This article first appeared in Today on 24.4.2007
The writer is a mother of six who looks forward to having her children forge friendships with people from all over the world.
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Where's that much-touted friendliness?
Letter from Jenom James Nyam published in TOday on 2.5.2007

I agree with Ms Frances Ong's unbiased opinion in "Keep the Door Wide Open" (April 24), which solemnly urged Singaporeans to be more receptive and accommodating of foreigners.

In doing research about Singapore before applying to study here, I found the welcoming attitude of Singaporeans proudly publicised on all the websites that I sought information at.

I also recall the famous smiling face of the Singapore Girl aired periodically on Cable News Network (CNN) and the Four Million Smiles of last year's World Bank/IMF Meeting.

I had heard and read about Singapore's place in international circles as Asia's crossroad of colours, cultures and civilisation — much like the reputations the United States and Switzerland enjoy. What the trio are reputed to have in common is their ability to accommodate almost everybody, regardless of their background.

This was why I chose to come to Singapore.

However, after reading Ms Ong's piece, I helplessly found myself supporting her views based on the contrasting reality that I've met with since coming here in August last year.

For the past eight months, the much-touted friendliness and warmth has been hardly anywhere to be found. It is sad that I have had the privilege of seeing faces genuinely smiling at me only on a very few occasions.

Singaporeans should remember that the foreigners and tourists to Singapore are non-commissioned ambassadors of the land.

If Ms Ong's surname was Toh, I would have guessed that she was the mother of Geraldine — a Singaporean who once surprised me in a library by stirring up a meaningful conversation with me, despite my non-Asian looks.

For a dark-skinned foreigner from Nigeria who cannot in all honesty boast of being socially accepted by society in Singapore, it was a brief moment of respite.

Ms Ong's challenge to her compatriots is a candid charge for change.
Letter

I am woman hear me roar

The recent visit of Dr. Margaret Chan the Director General of WHO who said that Singapore is her second home made me reflect on the following issues.

What do Nancy Pelosi and Margaret Chan have in common?


Apart from the obvious fact that they are women, they share the following characteristics. They are all above 50 years old, and they are contributing actively to society.

Nancy Pelosi at age 66 and a mother of 5, is the 60th and present speaker of the United States House of Representatives which makes her the highest-ranking woman in the US government. She is also the first woman in U.S. history to hold this office

Dr. Margaret Chan at age 60 is the Director General of the World Health Organisation.(WHO). She was the first female in Hong Kong to head the Department of Health and left after 25 years of service to join the WHO.

This brings to mind another famous Dr. Margaret Chan, who breath life into the character Emily of Emeral Hill. At the age of 52 she obtained her PHD and 4 years later she embarked on a new career as a faculity member at the Singapore Management University.

No, this is not another femanist article about how women have managed to break the glass ceiling or that they have managed to break into the stratified world of men.

What strick me was that these are woman who are married, have managed to bring up children and yet at an age where many are contented to retire they have embarked on new careers that challenge their comfrt zone.

I have met several highly educated stay-at-home mum who have taken the courages step to stop climbing the career ladder for a while to bring up their children.

Sometime they will be hit with insecurity and worried that they will nt be able to enter the market once their children have grown up. At other the times, they worried that all their education have been wasted as they spend their time driving their children from schools to enrichment classes and back home.

Yes agesim do exist as expamlified by Dr Chan when she tried to apply for a universtiy post at another local university.

But these three women gave us who are aged forty and above hope. Many stay-at-home mum will start to look for jobs when they are around this age. Like Dr Chan, they must be willing to start work at the entry level or low level. Dr. Chan, armed with a Phd, started work at SMU teaching remedial English. After 10 months she was promoted based on her performance. Later she was promoted to a fully fledged faculity member.

Breast milk for Sale

Anicius had to be in the ICU right after he was born.


Mamafess breastfeeding no.six while he was in ICU.

The recent case of a poor mother from the Chinese countryside hired to breastfeed an affluent city-dweller’s baby has brought memories of the first time I breastfeed my eldest son seventeen years ago. My husband and I have read that breast milk was most suitable for a baby and as a mother, I was eager to give my son the best. Luckily, I was able to produce a lot of milk. By the third month, I have managed to freeze about twenty (9 oz) bottles to be kept for future use.

At that time, one of my friends had just adopted a child called Vincent. As he was allergic to soya and cow milk, he could only drink breast milk. There was an urgent called to ask for donation of breast milk and his father became the milkman of Singapore as he went all over Singapore collecting breast milk for his adopted son. We contributed as much as we could spare. I remembered that on his first birthday, his adopted parents invited all the mothers who have contributed to a big birthday party. If my memories served me well, over fifty mothers, regardless of race or religion, came forward to help baby Vincent. It was an unforgettable sight to see so many bottles of frozen breast milk. None of us were paid but the smile of Baby Vincent was priceless.

Now that professional wet nurses have appeared in many cities across China due to rising incomes and a demand for healthy milk, it has started a fierce debate over the ethics of the ancient art of wet nursing. Many object to the fact that some mothers are unwilling to nurse babies because they hope to maintain a slender figure. Of course there is the grey area when mothers are unable to nurse because they either do not have milk or suffer from infectious diseases. Although the wet nurses claimed that they are only providing an economic service and thus are justified to be paid, some worried that this would deprive the wet nurse own child from having the benefit of breast milk.

Is this a case of exploitation of the poor by the children of rich parents? How do we price a bottle of breast milk? What about the health of the wet nurse? How does one determine the quality of the breast milk? Is there a co-relationship between the nutrition in-take of the wet nurse and the quality and quantity of breast milk? Would some women be treated like cows whose sole existence are to produce breast milk for other children?

In Singapore, as more women become educated about the benefit of breast milk, they would be motivated to breastfeed their children. Would there come a day when a mother who could not or would not breastfeed take the easy road and pay for a wet nurse? How would CASE response to such a case? Would the AVA authority steps in and consider the wet nurse as part of primary production?

Just as we do not allow the sale of blood or organ, we should not allow the sale of breast milk for by doing so we would treat the body as a commodity. All donation of breast milk should consider as gift so as to preserve the dignity of the human spirit. If we do not make a firm stand against the sale of breast milk be it from a wet nurse or from a bottle, we would soon find it acceptable to trade in blood, organ, sperm and egg.

Ready for sex?(author's title)

By Aubrey Ess

Recently, the case of a nine-year-old mother was in the news. While only in Primary Three, this girl had already had sex with her boyfriend many times, behind her parents' back.

During her pregnancy, she had to cope with all the hassles of having a baby: morning sickness, labour pains, not to mention any social stigma she would have had to face. Her studies and social life would also have suffered.

This is a sad case of how not only the experience, but also when one starts having sexual intercourse, can change one's life drastically.

When I was eight years old, my parents began to answer every question I had about sex. It was a decision that many parents would probably be shocked at. However, just as the timing of engaging in sexual relations is important, so is the timing of when one starts learning about the birds and the bees.

The subject will have to be taught at one point or another, because every person faces it sooner or later. Teenagers are faced with the question of having premarital sex, married couples are united through sex, and even priests who refrain from sex have to handle temptation.

I believe that such an integral part of our lives should be explained fully by our parents, so that we are prepared to handle it.

The only question is, when? During pre-school, when we are still playing with blocks and dolls? During Primary School, when we are more aware of our surroundings, and being instilled with the values of good and bad? Or during Secondary School, when we enter our teenage years, and a life far more hormonal, independent, and questioning than ever before?

Now, I have a little brother approaching his eighth birthday. When my parents told him about his "asking about sex" opportunity, his eyes lit up in exactly the same way as mine did. "Really? Okay then — mummy, daddy, can I know about sex?" the eight-year-old — intelligent but inexperienced, delighted at learning about a mysterious word, unaware yet of the profound effect it will have on his life — asked, before bursting into laughter. It was the same with me.

Perhaps at the age of eight we were not yet responsible enough to grapple with a topic like sex. After all, give one too much information too soon, and one could do regrettable things with it.

Yet my parents never simply spilled the beans. At eight, I asked questions like "what". As I grew older, and matured into my teenage years, my questions also matured into those like "when", "should" and "with whom". Also, as I asked my various questions, they revealed deeper, related things about sex that I had not even been able to comprehend.

Besides giving me factual information, my parents also made clear the dangers, precautions, religious views, and exclusiveness of sex — the basic dos and don'ts, so that I was also brought up with a moral idea of what sex should be.

Being ready to learn about sex is not about one's age. It is about whether your child is already dipping his toes into the ocean, already taking the step of finding out. When that happens, he is going to learn to swim no matter what, no matter how long it takes, simply because his curiosity pushes him on.

It is at this point that parents should teach their child about that "S" word, that subject that may make them blush or stutter, that very thing which their own child is facing.

It is wonderful that my parents are willing to be open with such a sensitive subject, so that I do not have to find out through a book, TV show, or even through actual intercourse with someone else.

The writer is a 16-year-old student. She one of the daughters of MOS.

Butterfly effect

According to the Ministry of Trade and Industry press release on 10th October 2006, advance estimates showed that Singapore’s real Gross Domestic Product (GDP) rose by 7.1 per cent in the third quarter compared to the same period in 2005. On a quarter-on-quarter seasonally adjusted annualized basis, real GDP grew by 6.0 per cent, compared with a 3.4 per cent expansion in the preceding quarter. This is a healthy sign that our economy is doing well and that our economic growth is on target.

However, before we start to get ready to pop the champagne or expect a bigger year end bonus, we have to consider this.

Using the GDP as an indicator of development has been considered as inadequate as this place excessive emphasis on purely economic aspect of development.

Ecologist, environmentalist and some economists have begun to advocate the concepts of sustainable development, which encompasses the trinity of social, environment and economic concerns.

Can the pursuit of economic growth be compatible with sustainable development? Is there a need to sacrifice some of today’s economic growth to meet the needs of other people and those of our children in future? Will economic growth bring about a strong and healthy society existing within environmental limits?

Before we consider these weightier issues, let consider how we take care of the environment we live in.

Firstly, an appeal to dogs’ owner. It would be great to pick up your dog’s poo when you walk your dogs. By leaving the dog’s poo alone, other people are given the opportunity to step on it which is an event that they do not appreciate very much. Moreover, it shows that the dog owner do not give due consideration to other users of the park.

Secondly, an appeal to cat lovers who took it upon themselves to feed the stray cats all over Singapore. Do ensure that the pellets of cat food are not left for the ants and rats to part-take too.

Thirdly, an appeal to Singaporean not to spit indiscriminately as the spit may contain air-born germs that might spread disease to others.

The above three examples show that we do not take the environment as our own private personal space and so we will do what we please when we please with the environment. For example, would we allow our dog to shit all over our living room? What about spitting in our bedroom?

We seldom do so as we want to keep the environment we live in clean. Thus we all have this mentality that it is o.k. to dirty environment that does not belong to us. Witness us behaving as environment terrorist in Johore Bahru.

We need to change the way we approach the environment. In the chaos theory, the buttery effect is used to describe how small difference or changes in a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behaviour of the system. The idea is that a butterfly’s wing might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that eventually cause a tornado to develop.

This concept might be difficult to comprehend or believed until we realized that a single match that was lighted has caused the haze that enveloped us for the past three weeks.

Dog’s poo, cat food, fool’s spit. Small changes, just like the flapping of a butterfly wings. We seldom pause to think how these might affect other people or events. Worst, we do not realize that these changes might in the end cause others events to occur that might harm us in the end.

Small action. Can we realize in time that ultimately we are responsible for all the environmental problems that have been plaguing us for the past few years?

Deadly Mistakes

It is expected that doctors will do their best to protect the well being of their patients. However, the health care system that they function in is a complex one where the possibility for them to make mistakes is abundant. Unlike other professions like in accounting, law, engineering and even education, where mistakes made need not necessary be fatal, often when doctors make mistakes, they are lethal. Two recently cases highlighted in the press support this hypothesis

Firstly, at the coroner’s inquest into the death of Madam Koh At Tow, 88, it was decided that a series of mistakes made at Clementi Polyclinic in March last year caused her death. The doctor had prescribed the wrong dose of heart medicine and was given four times the dose which was not picked up at the pharmacy.

Secondly, Mr. Tan Beng Kiat, 30, on June 21 had a severe headache. He was given painkiller by the general practitioner but the medication did not help. He was send to Tan Tock Seng Hospital where he was also diagnosed as having a headache. The attending doctor decided that there was no need to do a scan or have him hospitalized. He was send home with more painkillers. That evening he fell into coma and was pronounced brain dead by doctors at Singapore General Hospital. He was taken off live support and was pronounced dead later.

We seldom expect nor accept medical errors but they do account for some hospital injuries and deaths. To many, it is acceptable as long as it does not happen to us or our love ones. This is because medical mistake is avoidable and the adverse injury caused as a result is due to medical mismanagement and not due to the underlying medical condition of the patient.

While it is all too easy for society to blame the doctor and the concerned doctor in turn may become defensive and blame the nurse, the hospital, the work load and even the system for the mistake, we need to re-examine how doctors and society handle medical errors.

Is it true that good doctors never make mistake? Are doctors always right? At what stage of our medical conditions should we seek a second opinion? What do we do if what we are experiencing do not aligned with what the doctor is diagnosing? What do doctors do when they make medical mistakes? Do they hide them or worst bury them?

Do doctors share with their colleague, peers and junior doctors their adverse mistakes or are they afraid that if they do they would be inundated with malpractice suit?

An old adage extolled that a wise man learns from fools’ mistake. Do our doctors learn from each other mistake for the sake of the patients?

Perhaps it is time to move from a culture of blame and shame to a culture of share and care.

We have to share our experiences and mistakes so that processes, checks and balances can be put in places so that similar medical mistake can be reduced or eliminated.

For instance, in the first case, the National Healthcare Group (NHG) has introduced additional processes in the system so as to reduce the risk of patients getting a wrong dose of medicine. Now a senior doctor is required to countersign any changes in the dosage of some toxic medicine and an electronic prescription system will alert doctors to a patient’s drug allergies. The family of Madam Koh At Tow has decided not to pursue the matter with the doctor concerned as they did not wish to destroy the doctor’s career.

But how would society view her mistake? Would we bring ourselves to entrust her with our medical conditions? What about herself? Would she be able to re-gain or re-built her confidence? It would be a waste of resources, time and effort if she is unable to overcome this current event.

We should encourage doctors who made mistakes to learn from them and move on to continue their good works. After all they are human too.

However, if the doctors are found to be negligent or fail to show due diligent in their performance of duty, the full extent of the law should be weight down upon them and taken to task.

The difficult task is for us to discern the difference between these two.

Mustafa Shopping Centre

The other night, we were shopping at Mustafa Shopping Centre for a formal dinner function. We were surprise that we could find Chinese Chong Sum as easily as good quality Sarong from Indonesia. Of course there were large selections of good Sari. Punjabi suit and Indian salwar kameez yet there was an impressive range of formal coat and Western Suit.

This created a lasting impression on me because I noted that there was equal emphasis on clothes from the four main races in Singapore. It might be argued that these selections were motivated solely based on economic reasons. Yet in a way, it reflected the state of racial harmony that has been cultivated in Singapore. We are comfortable in wearing each other ethnic clothes and increasingly more Singaporean are adopting these ethnic clothes that do not necessary reflect their own race.

Thus, when my Eurasian daughters and my Indonesian maid wore the Chong Sum to the dinner while I wore a Baju Kurung, we only receive complements.

However, when I was attending an in service course on multi-culturalism, Prof Rahil Ismail of the National Educational Education (NIE) asked if we can see beyond the three Fs of fashion, food and festivals when it comes to promoting racial harmony in Singapore.

This might be a question worth asking as we have been celebrating Racial Harmony Day in July since 1998. Normally schools would try to promote understanding among the races by encouraging students to wear different ethnic clothes, tasting different food or watching cultural performances.

In addition, to grow the common space and deepen inter-racial understanding, Inter-Racial Confidence Circles(IRCC) for the constituencies and “Harmony Circles”(HCs) for schools, work places and other local organizations have been organized since January 2002. They are meant to be casual, self-evolved group with the aim of providing a platform for Singaporean from different races and religion to interact and to get to know one another better in the hope that confidence, friendship and trust can be cultivated.

Is this sufficient for us to maintain racial and religious harmony? While appreciating that the structure has been put in place, we as individual has to play an active role.

A recent 15-country poll by the Pew Research Centre for the People and the Press indicated that there is a deep divide between Muslim and the West. Muslim generally views Westerners as selfish, immoral and greedy while Americans and Europeans view Muslims as arrogant, violent and intolerant.

Would a similar poll done in Singapore surfaced similar view? And if it does, could we as individual help to dispel these stereotypes? Even if similar views are not found is it time for us to pat our back for a job well done in the area of racial and religious relationship? What can we do to ensure that these types of view do not grow secretly in our heart?

What has happened in the past does not necessary means that it will continue in the future. Thus, we can never take the racial harmony that we have enjoyed for the past forty years for granted.

One possibility is to view ourselves as human first. This means that we will come to the aid of our fellow being regardless of his race, language or religion. We must treat each other with dignity and must have the courage to stop any conversation that disparage, debase or demean any race. In addition, we should look upon our foreign domestic help and worker with kindness. We should come to their help when they are in trouble and treat them with kindness.

While shopping at Mustafa that same night, I met a Muslim lady that was completely veiled except for her eyes. It invoked an unfounded and illogical fear in me. The following day, I asked my good friend, a learned Muslim woman about my fear. She could explain to me with confident the rational for the way Muslim woman should dressed. I am glad that I have that conversation with her as it helped me to dispel my fear and prejudices.

We have to play an active role to consistently and consciously work on eradiating out our stereotypes that we have of other people. None of us can claimed that we do not have them but it is what we do with them that makes a difference between living in harmony or in fear.