My sister phoned me one day and shared her fear that her Secondary 1 son, Mathew (not his real name), was not performing well in English. In addition, his teachers had observed that he lacked social skills with his classmates.
Like many teenagers with working parents, he was given unlimited access to the computer to play games on the Internet. They are rarely around to monitor his use of the Internet for such purposes. This has produced two undesirable results in Mathew.
Firstly, he has become addicted to the games and cannot focus on his studies. His attention span is short. He finds it difficult to follow class instructions. He cannot write a coherent essay.
Often, the quality of work that he produces is incomplete, poorly planned and unstructured as all he wants is to finish his work quickly so that he can have more time to play his games.
Most importantly, his brain becomes tired and he finds it hard to concentrate and pay attention in school. He has been conditioned to expect instant gratification.
When playing computer games, the push of a button changes a game's character. The press of a keypad will fire an unlimited amount of firepower. He feels an instant but false sense of achievement. Thus, he finds it difficult to handle activities that call for delayed gratification — such as solving physics or chemistry problems.
Secondly, because he spends most of his time in front of the computer, his social skills are not given a chance to develop. Unlike spending time in the playground, he does not have the opportunity to learn about negotiating skills, about give and take, and most importantly, how to treat others with respect.
He is not the exception to the rule. In my course of work as a teacher, I have come across many underachievers like him. They have the potential to produce excellent results, and yet are unable to because of their addictions.
Often, it is too late by the time the parents discover that their child has a problem as it is too near to the O level examinations.
Luckily for Mathew, he is only in Sec 1 and thus this habit can be modified. While it is impossible and impractical to cocoon him from the Internet and gaming facilities, the following steps can be taken to help him establish good habits:
Firstly, a reasonable time limit must be set for Mathew so that he can learn to work within boundaries. Thirty to 45 minutes per day is sufficient. He has to understand that if he oversteps this limit, the privilege to play his computer games would be withdrawn.
Secondly, his parents must insist that good quality work must be produced before he is allowed to play. As Mathew's parents are working, his work could be checked in the evening when they return home. Of course, this means the computer would have to be locked when they are working during the day.
Thirdly, with the time freed up from playing computer games, he can be encouraged to do other meaningful activities. A trip to the library could be a surprising experience for many: It is no longer a place to borrow books only, but where one can take in story-telling, book reviews, talks and courses regularly.
He could also take up interesting courses organised at the nearby community club, and along the way, get the chance to hone his stunted social skills.
Playing computer games is not a crime. Allowing our children to play excessively without control, however, is. As parents, we would be depriving our children of their right to be developed to their full potential.
This article first appeared in TODAY on 6th July 2006
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I have friends who told me that they have to lock up the PS2 and Xbox games from Monday to Friday and only release them to their kids on weekends. Did it work…? No, as the kids refuse to go out with them on weekends but stay at home to play the games throughout the day since this is their given time, as per their agreement! A few told me that when they unplug the PC or gaming console, their sons wanted to fight with them over it!
My dear wife used to insist that my son completed his homework before he started playing but I found that it did not work for him. He could not focus and would rush to complete his homework or did most of it as he thought that he was running out of time to play. Later in the night, he would suddenly remember that he still has one more piece of work to complete! Now I always give him 0.5 to1 hour to satisfy his gaming needs first and then he will happily focus on his work. If he still has some time left in the day, he may do more gaming. My son is also trained to rest his eyes by looking out of the window or I would play a simple game of asking him to count how many fingers I have shown on my hands when he was much younger. He will also call me to ask permission to play during weekdays if he has done all his work. My maid also watched over him if he does not know how to stop playing after an hour. He has his own PC for gaming since the age of 6 but I monitored his usage and also got involved in his games.
I am not saying that this is the magic formula but you will have to appreciate their needs and find a solution that will work for your kids. I stressed to him when I bought him the first PS1 gaming console that I do not want to have to lock it up and we must be able to pace oursleves. I started with my son when he was very young and managed his expectations. There was a time where both my wife and I were also playing a few games with him ; eg Age of Empire, Road Rash. We cannot run away from the Internet and Gaming today.
My son now has PS2, Xbox and his own PC but I also encourage him in sports like soccer, basketball, table tennis,tennis and cycling. I also took him to see the World Cybergames Tournament held here recently but I do not allow him to go to cybercafes, as I think that there are addicts there and will be bad influence on him, and I have hooked up my 2 PCs to play with him, in the past.
In short, parents need to be involved in their kid activities, including gaming, as early as possible and communicate with them to work out a win-win solution.
( Published in TODAY on 10 July 2006 )
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