Mother of Six

2012-01-08T06:09:00.001+08:00

Let traditions take root

04:46 AM Jan 08, 2012

by Frances Ess

Every year without fail, the entire family would troop down to the Thomson Road nurseries to hunt for a Christmas tree.

When the children were younger, it was a much easier process as everyone would be home and we could go any time in November or December. Last Christmas, it took military precision to execute this exercise with our six children, aged six to 22, to coordinate.

First, the event was announced on the family Facebook closed group. A date was selected, but it was rejected as one child had to work, while another had to go for a church outing. Another date was proposed, and it was accepted provided we could be done by 1pm as another child had to go online to apply for her courses at a local university.

Still, the occasion was filled with much fun and joy as the older children showed the younger ones the art of selecting a tree. It was good to see the family tradition passed down from one generation to another.

While watching Mary Poppins, a phrase from the song The Life I Lead caught my attention. It argues that tradition, discipline and rule are what you need to run a British family, or else there will be disorder, catastrophe and anarchy.

While we do not subscribe to ruling the family and our children with an iron hand, we discovered that, if we provide our children with a balance of tradition, discipline and rule, it would help them to navigate obstacles in life's playground.

In this globalised century, where our six-year-old understands the concept of Skype and protests that he does not wants his pictures to be posted on Facebook, unconsciously we are allowing this interconnected and integrated world to form part of his rituals and traditions.

For example, some of us will not believe an event has taken place unless it has been posted on some trusted website. Our children no longer take the textbook as the gospel truth, and turn to Google or Wikipedia to seek answers.

Dr Diana Oblinger observed that, by age 21, our children will have spent 10,000 hours playing video games, sent 200,000 emails, watched 20,000 hours of television and spent 10,000 hours on a mobile phone. This implies that our children could miss out on the opportunity to develop social and emotional skills. As our children's brains become digitally rewired, they may find it more difficult to interact with other human beings.

In addition, information and knowledge, data and facts are changing and being updated constantly. In the world of Facebook, there are some who constantly update their status with what they eat, where they are going and who they are with.

Although we have to train our children to understand that change is the only constant and that they have to learn to adapt, there is value in following some family traditions. They give the children a sense of continuity, of being rooted, of belonging to a community.

It provides them with a feeling of expectation, of waiting for something to happen, and thus develops patience - a virtue which is becoming more scarce as our children complain when a website takes more than 10 seconds to load.

In Singapore, we have many great family traditions that are threatened by the digital age, and we must guard against them being eroded. For example, Chinese New Year is around the corner, and we should ensure that it is a time for family members to interact and catch up on the past year's happenings.

But more and more children might prefer to stay home and hooked up to the digital world rather than go visiting. We need to ensure they learn how to show respect to our relatives and elders by continuing this beautiful tradition.

We may be accused of being old-fashioned or sentimental. But without developing and following traditions, we are depriving our children of the roots with which to anchor their lives. Of course, some traditions need to be updated and adapted. But as long as our children have some to fall back on, we are providing them some form of security to face the world.

Frances Ess is a mother of six.

This article was first published in Today 8.1.2012

URL http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/ParenttoParent/EDC120108-0000003/Let-traditions-take-root

It's wrong not to know what's wrong

2011-12-08T23:06:00.001+08:00

My five-year-old son stole a piece of cake. When confronted, he denied that he had done so. He said his sister had stolen the fruit cake.For this "crime", he was caned for the following reasons: For nearly getting his sister into trouble, for "arrowing" his sister and for lying.

It broke my heart to cane him but he needed a memorable negative reinforcement. It was explained to him clearly why he was caned. The lesson was seared in his mind.

Sometimes, I am tempted to use the preferred method of counselling and reasoning. Parents now prefer such methods as they find the traditional autocratic style of parenting archaic. I do agree as the autocratic parent uses reward and punishment to enforce behaviour. Children are given instructions and expectations, and are given little room to grow and develop. As a result, their spirits are broken or they rebel.But in their eagerness to be seen as not autocratic, they become accommodating parents. They allow their children to do their own thing. There is little respect for request, routine and rules.

Professor Harvey Bunke accurately describes this as the non-judgmental approach, in which standards of right and wrong are discarded and the individual is urged to determine his own pattern of behaviour; each decides for himself what is right and wrong. Prof Burke suggested that this form of humanistic psychology contributed to the decline of American society.

For example, an accommodating parent shared how she deals with her five-year-old. He likes to use the hammer and screwdriver to take things apart. His grandmother would remove these items for fear he would hurt himself. His mother would rather reason with the youngster about the pros and cons of playing with such tools.

Of course, the child continues with his behaviour. His grandmother and mother do not come across as figures of authority: One he sees as someone who constantly snatches his "toy" away, while the other is someone he only has to listen to while she talks and then he can go back to playing with his "toys" again.

In my family, we strongly believe that to love a child involves disciplining him when he is wrong. Disciplining requires the parents to know clearly what is unacceptable behaviour. In our household, this includes telling lies, being unkind and showing disrespect. Our children know that, once they cross the line, they will be caned.

Many parents find caning primitive and unenlightened. They would rather engage their children with reasoning. However, this method often degenerates into a negotiation session, where a child learns to test how far he can get away with unacceptable behaviour.

For example, another accommodating parent did not allow her son to drink cold drinks at night. She explained that it would keep him awake and he had a cough. He "reasoned" with her and manipulated her into giving him the drink.

Now, we could celebrate that we are producing the next generation of entrepreneurs or negotiators but I strongly feel that a five-year-old is too young to know what is right or wrong and thus should not be allowed to negotiate in the first place.

For me, a firm "no" would suffice and our children would not even entertain the thought of challenging us. Only when their concepts of right and wrong have been developed and established would we engage in reasoning, discussion and negotiation. An indication of when a child is ready is when he can show mastery of his actions and is willing to change his demands in the light of reasoning.

Authoritative parenting differs from accommodating parenting. The critical difference is that the former encourages children to be independent but still places limits and controls on their actions. But whether our parenting style is autocratic, accommodating or authoritative, our children still need to know what is wrong.

We cannot just make empty threats. The minute a child crosses the line, negative reinforcement must be swift. It is up to each parent to decide what that negative reinforcement would be.

This was first printed on 3rd Dec 2011

http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/EDC111204-0000001/Its-wrong-not-to-know-whats-wrong

2011-09-14T06:36:00.000+08:00

I'd rather let my kid climb a tree than play on the iPad

I almost had a heart attack one day when I discovered my six year old son and eleven year old daughter up a tree. My first instinct was to scream at the top of my voice for them to come down at once. I managed to stop in time for I suddenly recalled what one of my friends had said when I forbade my six-year-old from climbing a water pipe.

His basic point was that in this age of the iPhone, iPad and iMac, we might have become over protective of our children.

He was right. In the dinosaur age before Facebook was launched, children used to be more active. I remember growing up in the back alley of North Bridge Road, playing hantam bola. I belonged to a group where we would organise Moon Cake Festival parties complete with story-telling and lantern-walks to look for cockroaches.

We learned to negotiate: Do we play badminton or police and thief first? We developed values like loyalty and compassion as we looked after our younger playmates. We learned to give and take, quarrel today, be friends again tomorrow and sworn enemies the next week.

In other words, we learned to function in a society with other human beings.

Francis Xavier once said: "Give me the child until he is seven and I'll give you the man." This is a powerful idea which I have been contemplating regularly as I reflect on the choice of activities that I allow for my children's recreation.

My husband has been firmly against using the television as a baby-sitter. He observed that too many parents have taken the easy way out to keep their children quiet by turning on the television. With the installation of DVD players in cars, many children have learnt to demand to watch cartoons and movies while on the road. Whether it be on the road or in the comfort of the living room, allowing children to watch television excessively deprives them of the chance to learn to communicate and interact with other people.

In addition, with the sprouting of iPhones everywhere, we have noticed a worrying trend where children as young as five are addicted to Angry Bird or punching Tom Cat.

What is wrong with using the DVD, iPhone or the television as a baby-sitter, you might ask? Are we not living in the 21st century? Everyone is doing it and no one seems to be the worse for it. At least it keeps the children quiet while we parents can have a peaceful meal in the hawker centre or a peaceful drive.

Here are a few questions to consider. Do your children get extremely upset if these entertainment devices are taken away from them? Do your children nag at you insistently until you give them back these devices? Can they behave politely when they are with their peers or do they prefer to be left alone with these devices? Must they play with these devices while at the dinner table?

These entertainment devices, while fulfilling their main purpose of entertaining our children, are also grooming them to be insular as it only communicates with them in a linear and singular manner. Even when they play LAN games or multi-player computer games, they are not interacting with people face to face.

Excessive use of these entertainment devices often produces children who are demanding, rude and selfish. If you do not believe me, try taking the PSP or iPhone away from a child during diner and watch his reaction. Odds are, he or she would cry, scream or nag until they get their way. Parents often would rather give in and keep them happy than use tough love and discipline them.

Frances Ess is a mother of six.

This article was first published on 11.9.2011

http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/ParenttoParent/EDC110911-0000616/Id-rather-let-my-kid-climb-a-tree-than-play-on-the-iPad#.Tm4CMDh3qr1.facebook

Here are the rest of the article that was not printed.

When they are addicted to these communication devices, parents sometime are at a lost as to what they can do. They rather give in to the children and keep them quite and made them happy then to use tough love to discipline the children.

Parents must remember they are responsible for the upbringing of their children. It is the parent who put that iphone in the hand of the child. The child does not have the means nor the ability to buy any of these communication devices. If there really is a need to let them use these devices, ensure that a strict time limit is enforced so that children realised that there is a time and place to play these games. Do not allow them to play such games during family visits to their grand parents, during diner or at children party. Provide alternative form of entertainment like going to the park, swimming or playing football where they have the opportunities to develop their physical and social self.

As young parents of children, we have to consider the environment that we are allowing our children to grow up in. When we allow our children to use such communication devices, it is the game designers and the movies producers that design the virtual world with their own rules and regulations and values. Are we abdicating our roles and responsibilities as parents?

Is it too late to change? Start by pulling the plug and see what happens.

'Mum, can you buy me ... ' It's a question our children aren't ever allowed to ask me, when we're at the store

2011-08-25T04:32:00.002+08:00

One day, while shopping at Ang Mo Kio Hub, I heard a child scream loudly for a packet of sweets. He threw a tantrum when he was refused. To save herself from further embarrassment, his mum gave in.

That incident reminded me of the Marshmallow Study done in the '60s. A group of four-year-olds was offered one marshmallow but told that, if they could wait for 15 to 20 minutes, they could have two. The theory was that those children who could wait had the ability to delay gratification and control impulse. It was observed that those children who could do so did well in school and in life 20 years later.

Many of us who are now parents grew up in the '60s and '70s when we did not enjoy many material comforts. In my family, we would eat chicken and meat only during festive seasons. I remember going to Chinatown once a year to buy a dress for Chinese New Year. A birthday would warrant an egg and, if times were good, a plate of noodles.

In our eagerness to give the best to our children, often we tend to give them what we would want or had missed out on. We would not blink an eye spending S$300 on a themed birthday party, for instance. And providing music or ballet lessons is not enough now; we have to have deportment lessons or equestrian lessons too. I have seen children as young as nine with their own personal iPhone.

We have a policy in our household. Our children are not allowed to ask us to buy anything for them when we are shopping at the supermarket or department store. They are not allowed to buy anything that has been mass advertised, and we would never buy them any branded merchandise.

We feel that, as long as our children are provided with a basic nutritious meal, there is no need to eat fast food. A simple pair of jeans that can be bought from the neighbourhood shop is sufficient, without the need to pay five times the price for a branded label affixed.

They were taught from young to distinguish between needs and wants. We would never give in to what they want no matter how loud their protest but we would not spare a dime to provide for their needs.

Here is the million-dollar question: Are we parents able to distinguish between what our children need and what they want?

We have a few simple guidelines. Firstly, some wants are created by advertisers, and children with impressionable minds can be hooked by slick presentations. If we give in to their demands, our children will grow up believing that, if they make enough noise, they will get what they want; and they will believe that what is advertised is always good.

Secondly, we are very clear on what our children need in life. They need to establish a good relationship with their parents, communicate with their family members and friends and bond with the community. Thus, we would never buy communication devices that would allow them to play games at the dinner table. We have seen some children who are preoccupied with their iPhone at parties - it deprives them of the chance to socialise and they become insular.

Finally, we always remind ourselves that we parents are in control. A firm "no" often silences our children when they throw tantrums. The greatest disservice we can do to our children is to give in to their whims - we would be helping to develop children who are ill-disciplined and spoiled.

M Scott Peck in his book The Road Less Traveled discusses the elements of discipline, which include the ability to delay gratification. As long as Maslow's basic physiological and safety needs are satisfied, we should focus on helping our children to grow into mature, loving human beings who can contribute to society, not little emperors who would terrorise it.

http://www.todayonline.com/Columns/ParenttoParent/EDC110821-0000157/Mum,-can-you-buy-me-,,,-

2011-08-25T04:29:00.002+08:00

Every year, during the Hungry Ghost Festival, my husband will suffer from asthma attack. This could be due to the burning of paper offerings.

Yet we do not ask the Community Mediation Centre to mediate and ask our neighbour to stop this practice. We understand the need for our fellow citizens to express their religious practices.

Instead, my husband tries to stay indoors as often as possible and increases his medication dosage. Nevertheless, he would be incapacitated sometimes and would need a couple of days of rest.

Therefore, I am concerned when a family who have relocated to Singapore have requested that their neighbour stop cooking curry. They had resorted to mediation because they could not stand the smell.

"Can you please do something? Can you don't cook curry? Can you don't eat curry?" they implored.

Maybe it is timely for us to remember that just as we are given freedom to express our culture and religious customs, we have to co-exist in our common space, such as the air we breathe.

It would be difficult to insist on the fragrances and smells that one will encounter. At best, we can decrease the space allowed for smoking, which has been proven to affect health.

Some would consider Singapore a melting pot of cultures, where different spices and flavours simmer together to form a great, delicious Singapore curry.

In fact, curry can be found in the cuisines of the four main races of Singapore, from Devil's Curry cooked by Eurasians during Christmas season to the ubiquitous curry chicken cooked by the Chinese to the "sayur lodeh" cooked by Malays.

The basic Indian style of cooking is to use a variety of spices such as turmeric, coriander and cumin as a base for a stew. From vegetable to mutton, eggs to jackfruit, we can make a curry out of any food.

Yes, the use of these spices will release an aroma that some people will need time to get used to, but I am sure that Singaporeans and non-Singaporeans will be able to acclimatise and accommodate the smell.

I feel strongly that it is inappropriate to ask the local family to only cook curry when the neighbour is not at home. It is equivalent to asking my neighbour not to burn paper offerings when my husband is home, which is a ridiculous request.

When we welcome guests to our homes for a meal, it is only polite to accept graciously what is offered on our table. If a guest finds the food offensive, the acceptable etiquette is to decline tasting the food, not demand that the host stop cooking it.

http://www.todayonline.com/Voices/EDC110811-0000027/Curry-is-a-Singapore-flavour

2011-08-05T14:11:00.001+08:00

My eldest son Angus was able to go to an "elite school" St Michael's School (now known as St Joseph's Junior) as his father was an old boy of that school. So we need not have to volunteer for 40 hours like Zoe Tay or pay a large some of money to contribute to the school building fund. Yet when Angus completed Primary 5, we made the painful decision to pull him out of St Michael's. His father observed that the school was giving him tons of worksheet and homework just so that he was prepared for the PSLE the following year.

I remembered he was given a list of 500 hundreds word to know and spell before going to Primary 1. Since he could not remember all these words and spell them, he was branded slow and had to go for Learning Support for English class. Of course he did not managed to pass a single Chinese Test since Primary 1.

We decided to home school him together with his two sisters. But first we have to de-schooled him. Trianed him to stop doing home work and wait for instructions from his teachers. It took us a year.

From the time he was 13 years old to 15 years, he was allowed to explore and do what he wanted. He decided to focus on GO, a mind game that is more challenging then chess. He spent his weekend sparing with GO master from China and his command of the Chinese language improved. He obtained a 2nd Dan for GO.

He was allowed to explore music by learning to playing the piano and guitar himself. Only when he was sixteen did we asked him to start to prepare for his O level. Because of his strong command of the English language, he was able to do a subject without even knowing what it was about and have never attempted the question. He did well to go to the Poly and graduated top 5% of his cohort. This while doing his A level by himself.

I wrote this note because I am worried that many parents made the wrong assumption that once their child is in a good school, they can abdicate their role as parents and leaves everything to the school and the army of tuition teachers. It does not matter which school a child is enrolled in as long as the parents are responsible and play thier part.

As for Angus I will allow his own words to speak for him. This is an extract from an essay that he has written to apply for a higher institution of learning.

As a child, I was home schooled all the way up to my polytechnic days. My father had a strict policy that no teacher be give me in aid of my studies. Having a strong belief in self directed learning, he never forced me to study more than I wanted to. I had an extremely carefree and amazing childhood; exploring avenues which would never have been otherwise open to me, had I enlisted into in a normal school.

Resulting as of this unique approach to what an ‘education’ is, I developed an independent and natural thirst for knowledge. A thirst developed not just to know, but to understand.

Too many a time we find ourselves regurgitating theories with big names and phrases giving the semblances of understanding.

Many a time, you’ll find me asking simple questions which sound childish, but if we always have to hide behind the embellishments of our language then we’d never be able to have a conversation with much substance.

After all, as an art student, creativity and the question of what art actually is, is already an extremely complex question. An education to me has always been about having breath and a depth in knowledge of the subject.

I have to admit that at times I do get carried away when I am on to something or involved in a project. Passion is very much a part of me and I can go days on end working on a project without knowing until I fall ill.

Fortunately, the days in the army serving as an officer, has really forced me to see things from a more practical and less idealistic point of view. While I still am able to view a concept for its full glory and what it could be, I am also capable of executing it in a practical manner.

Two of my passions which I have taken very seriously throughout the course of my life are Music and Chess. To be more precise, I perform the classical guitar and play competitive Wei Qi. A couple of very different activities which require two very different unique skill sets.

Having studied music and performing at venues like the Sub Station and Arts House has enabled me to develop a senses of thinking with emotions. If you don't feel what you are playing then it is almost guaranteed that the music one plays will be technical and expressionless. Over the years, exploring the various genres of music has allowed me to harvest and control certain emotions.

On the other hand, I spent a great deal of my childhood engrossed in the art to Wei Qi. Developing a rigid structure of organisation and a sense of logical thinking. Wei Qi is a mental sport where each move is compounded by the moves before. A sport where not having a plan is a sure way to defeat. Calculating every point every step of the game to secure victory can be an extremely painstaking but rewarding process.

Going into the arts industry, these are two very relevant skills to possess. Having the raw passion and drive is the first step to creating that spark of creativity required for ever work of art. However, being able to control that rage of emotions produced as a by product is even more important to actually achieving a work of substance. Ensuring that an artist keeps a certain professional distance from his own works is vital in the sale of his ideas.

I have a great interest ideas and concepts. From whichever field it may come from, an idea has never failed to capture my imagination. And being in a town like this would enable me to explore and connect across various disciplines. At the same time having the control over the thoughts that come my may play a crucial role in the development of a creative piece, it ensures that imaginations don't degrade into mere daydreams.

P.S.

We would not recommand that you homeschool your child unless you are willing to give up the Television and and ensure that you do not allow your child to play any computer games. (PSP, FB games, Lan game etc)

But then again most children who are enrolled in Primary 1 this year will be watching T.V. and play computer games. Hmmm.. Food for thought? Much ado about nothing?

2011-03-23T15:23:00.002+08:00

Why they decided to have all six children

Letter published on 23rd March 2011

HERE is my take on coping with work and having children and related incentives. I am a mother who often works 12 hours a day. My job also requires me to travel frequently.

When we had our first three children, my husband and I did not employ a maid as we believed they should not grow up being served hand and foot.

We were overjoyed when the fourth arrived, even though our finances were tight and I had to take no-pay leave because paid maternity leave stopped at the third child then. What was more, we could not use Medisave to defray delivery expenses because access then was limited to three children as well.

The fifth came barely a year later and there was no baby bonus, nor could we use Medisave for the delivery costs.

Five years later, we welcomed our sixth baby. My parents disapproved of our decision to have all our children as it was clear that we were struggling financially. However, we refused to give up any one of our six. We preferred to have all of them than to have that extra holiday or more personal time.

My children do not have tuition or enrichment classes, yet two of them are local undergraduates.

For us, each child is a priceless gift. That is why we should stop seeking more incentives from the Government or blame social pressures for not providing the right environment. Ultimately, we are responsible for our own actions.

2011-01-30T19:00:00.003+08:00

In the book, Hard Truth to Keep Singapore Going, MM Lee made the following comments when asked to assess the progress of multiracialism in Singapore.

“I have to speak candidly to be of value, but I do not want to offend the Muslim community,” said MM Lee.

“I think we were progressing very nicely until the surge of Islam came, and if you asked me for my observations, the other communities have easier integration — friends, intermarriages and so on, Indians with Chinese, Chinese with Indians — than Muslims. That’s the result of the surge from the Arab states,” said the former Prime Minister of Singapore.

“I would say today, we can integrate all religions and races except Islam. I think the Muslims socially do not cause any trouble, but they are distinct and separate,” he added.

Well at risk of making any generalization, allow me to bring up one counter example. I have great Muslim friends in my work place. We have worked together, went on several field trips, took part in cooking competition, cried together, did high five and basically doing what friends would do to help each other.

In the course of my working with them, I have learn to accommodate our activities so that they are free to worship and practice their religion. For example, during overseas field trips, I ensure that all the food are Halal, that Muslim teachers and students are given time to pray at the required time and every possible effort is made to ensure that they can worship in a mosque on Friday.

Once, when I was organizing the opening of a school, the Guest of Honour requested some private time for him to pray. Although we have to make some changes to the programme, we took it as an opportunity to learn to respect each other cultural and religious values.

Yes my Muslim friends are distinct and separate yet these distinctions do not prevent them from integrating with us. All it takes is for us to find space in our heart to welcome them.

After all I am sure that as human being, our hearts are big enough to accommodate all human being regardless of race language or religion.

Or have our heart began to shrink as we grow older?

2010-12-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

Today another ess turns 20. Time flies so fast.Seems like only yesterday, she was a bundle of joy who arrived early for Christmas.

What do you give to a young woman of twenty? Gold ring, a dress ?

I would wish her the wisdom to see the difference between love and words of love, between action and inaction between needs and wants.

For soon she would not require the council of her parents but have to face this brave new world by herself. Her parents of course wish to be with her but knows that she will have to walk alone.

Know this that there will always be warm porridge waiting when you drop by.

Spare the rod

2010-11-05T08:24:00.005+08:00

My youngest son Anicius, 5, stole a piece of fruit cake. When confronted, he denied that he had done so. Instead he said that his sister Ariel stole the fruit cake.

For this 'crime" he was caned the following times

1. Ten cuts of the rattan for nearly getting his elder sister into trouble
2. Another ten cuts for "arrowing" his sister
3 And finally the last ten cuts for lying.

At each session, it was explained to him why he was caned.

Of course it broke my heart to cane him.

Of course as an educator I would rather use the softer method of counseling, reasoning etc the list of humanistic psychology which Harvey C Bunke describe so accurately as the non judgmental approach in which standards of right and wrong are discarded and the individual is urged to determined his own pattern of behaviour... each must must decided for himself what is right and wrong.

But I have no intention of bringing up my children who does not know right from wrong.

Ultimately, I rather that we parents do the caning rather then wait for the prison or the court to do so.

This article was inspired by what I have read from this blog below
http://uncledicko.blogspot.com/2010/11/its-wrong-not-to-know-whats-wrong.html?showComment=1288887783766#comment-c6478710333698343843

2010-08-21T10:23:00.004+08:00

Would you object or raise a ruckus if the Heath Promotion Board (HPB) made a video with graphic depicting how to use a needle safely to inject recreational drugs into your child body on the grounds that everyone is already using recreational drugs and so there is a need to teach the students in secondary school how to safely use a needle?

Yet, I expect many people would condom the action of St. Patrick's School objection to condom video from HPB which promote the use of condom during sex and the graphic depicting on how to use the contraceptive.They would argue that many teenagers are already having sex and there is a need to teach them how to do it safely. Some might even argue that they do not see anything wrong with having sex outside of marriage.

While I cannot claim to have read the letter to the parents nor spoken to the HOD of Pupil Welfare, Nicholas Seet about the reasons for the objection, as a parents of three boys ranging from five to twenty one years old, I can understand and approval of the school’s decision.

By promoting the use of condom, we are teaching our students that the person that they are having sex with is only an object to satisfy a man’s carnal desire. The woman has been reduced to a vessel or a container to receive the male sperm.

By making a stand to object to the condom video, the school is sending a powerful message to the students to treat their fellow human as gift for each other and that a girl is more then a physical object. She is a person with needs, to be treated with consideration, care and respect.

Sex is no longer seen as an urged to be scratched but as an opportunity or a communicate tool to share deeply with someone you are committed for live.

In a world, where the fallacy of ad populum is committed everyday, I am glad that someone has the courage to stand up and fight for the right of woman to be treated as human being.

I would be proud to send my sons to St Patrick’s School.

2010-04-25T18:48:00.005+08:00

I have s son who serve as an alter boy in the Catholic Church. Each week, when he goes morning mass, I say a silent pray that he will be in safe hands.

Yes. as a concern mother, sometimes, I do wonder if my son, who is eleven, is in danger of being molested or sexually abused.

I wait faithfully and patiently for the Archbishop to assure us that our sons are safe when they are serving at the alter.

Sometimes, the priest would bring my son for breakfast after mass. I do not jump into conclusion but keep a watchful eye on my son. I can trust the priest in my parish as I observed that they have genuine care and concern for the parishioners.

The issue here is not that the Church has shield the paedophile priests scandal or that many ordinary Catholic seemed willing to forgive the paedophile priests.

The issue here is one of responsibility of the parents. If our child is molested, I would not sweep the issue under the carpet to protect the priests. I would make a police report and demand that justice is made. If parents have established a good relationship with their children, they would be aware when something is a missed with their children.

A paedophile is apaedophile weather he is clock in a cassock or a policeman uniform. This is not a question of forgiveness. This is a simple issue of cause and consequences. If you do the crime, you pay the time

2010-04-18T09:45:00.006+08:00

I wrote a letter to the Straits Time this morning. There was a factual error in today Sunday Time. So sad. A similar picture as above was printed on page 2. While it is factually correct, the Icelandic Volcanic Ash is not caused by the subduction zone but the divergent zone.

So sad, we would not be teaching geography by 2013 as it would only be an optional subject. Who will point this out then?

Dear Sir,

I refer to the this Sunday Time (18.4.2010) page two prime where a picture was shown as to how a volcanic cloud is formed. While it is factually correct, this is not how the Icelandic volcanic cloud is formed.The colossal ash cloud is not formed by the subduction boundaries as your picture might have suggested but by the divergent boundaries.

According to the United State Geological Survey, divergent boundaries occur along spreading centers where plates are moving apart and new crust is created by magma pushing up from the mantle.

Perhaps the best known of the divergent boundaries is the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. This submerged mountain range, which extends from the Arctic Ocean to beyond the southern tip of Africa, is but one segment of the global mid-ocean ridge system that encircles the Earth. The rate of spreading along the Mid-Atlantic Ridge averages about 2.5 centimeters per year (cm/yr), or 25 km in a million years. This rate may seem slow by human standards, but because this process has been going on for millions of years, it has resulted in plate movement of thousands of kilometers. Seafloor spreading over the past 100 to 200 million years has caused the Atlantic Ocean to grow from a tiny inlet of water between the continents of Europe, Africa, and the Americas into the vast ocean that exists today. The volcanic country of Iceland, which straddles the Mid-Atlantic Ridge, offers scientists a natural laboratory for studying on land the processes also occurring along the submerged parts of a spreading ridge. Iceland is splitting along the spreading center between the North American and Eurasian Plates, as North America moves westward relative to Eurasia.

Any geography student worth his salt would have been able to identify the unintended mistake right away.

Yours sincerely

Frances Ong Hock Lin

I do not know if the correction would be printed

This is the reply i got from ST on 21.4.2010

Hello, thank you for writing in. You are right.
We hope to publish the correct version in tomorrow's paper.

Regards,
Angelina Choy
ST Art Department

Cheap thrill for the ess he he

8.4.1982

2010-04-03T21:25:00.004+08:00

Manudary Thursday April 8 1982. It was the eve of Good Friday. My Ess and I were teenagers organizing a vigil where we were suppose to pray the whole night. This was because Jesus in the Gospel specifically asked his disciple to stay awake while he went to pray in the garden. However his disciples were tired and fell asleep three times.

At St Joseph's Church(P.M.) my ess asked f anyone would like to watch the sunrise at Fort Canning hill instead of praying in church. Only one "rackless" girl was crazy enough to follow an almost complete stranger up a dark hill.

That morning, the sun never rose. But we discovered that we could talk and listen to each other. Our friendship developed and over the seven years before we got married, there were many opportunities where we could engaged in a sexual relationship. If we did have less self control we would have a child who would be 28 years old now.

I have often wondered why we did not engaged in pre-martial sex. Was it the fear of God that was drummed into these SJI boys? Or was it that he was brought up as gentleman? Often my ess told me that he was tempered but chose not to.

I am so glad that we waited until we were ready and married before we enagegd in a sexual relationship. It is the deepest from of communication between two persons and saving ourselves for each other sever to show that we are disciplined and can be faithful.

Call me old fashion. Call me out dated. I know that many people who are reading this post do not find it wrong or unusual to engage in sex outside marriage. To them having sex is like asking someone to scratch your back. It is no big deal.

But it is a big deal. Sex can be absolutely selfish where one seek one's self satisfaction or sex can be the most beautiful experiences where both partners selfless give of oneself to the other, where the seeking of one's partner's satisfactions is above all else.

Some may argue that we can have sex in the unselfish way even when we are not married. But this cannot be so as sex outside marriage does not entail a committement.

It like the story of the hen and the pig. The hen lays an egg every morning but when the pig provide pork he is 100% committeed.

Come what may. I am gald that I took the change to walk up the hill with my ess. I took the chance and trusted him. I am glad he did not take that opportunity to thrust me.

The act of tempting or the state of being tempted

2010-03-22T10:32:00.003+08:00

An MP for Marine Parade GRC, Mr. Lim Biow Chua had this to say about successful men

'Over the years, to me, Jack Neo is a good son, father and also a good husband. Since he is remorseful over this incident, he should be forgiven. Actually, a man who has good career development would find such scenarios unavoidable."

Temptation :the act of tempting or the state of being tempted.

By scenarios, I would infer that he is referring to sweet young thing throwing themselves on Jack or Mr. Lim's feet.

Yes it is possible that a man who has good career development would find such scenarios occurring.

The operative word is unavoidable. It is avoidable. Just because you are tempted, it does not mean that you have already committed the sin.

It is when you give in to the temptation that the act of sinning against your wife have been committed.

By saying that a man who has good career development would find such scenarios unavoidable, he has insulted all the good Man in White who has chosen not to give in to these scenarios.

I know and believe that my brother who is a road warrior is a good son, a good father and also a good husband. I am sure that hopping from one city to another week in and week out, I am sure he would find such scenarios unavoidable.

But he chose to exercise, jog, watch epl or facebook. Presented with such scenarios, he chose like a good man not to hurt his wife and children. Like all man, he would react to beautiful, young voluptuous woman.

However like all great man, he chose his response carefully.

Mr. Lim Biow Chua has insulted all good men who have chosen to remain faithful to their wives.

2010-03-11T16:33:00.002+08:00

For those who were unlucky enough to have an ess for a teacher, do you remember the lesson she conducted about sex?

I remember this phrase that I always tell them this. "Man use words of love to get sex while woman use sex to get words of love."

The Jack Neo/Weng Chong saga illustrate this statement very well.

Feeling of love is not real love. Love is a decision, not a feeling. Feeling come and go. A decision is a rational act. Thought would have be considered. Various factors would have to be taken into consideration.

That is why in this saga, the only one who has demonstrated real love is his wife who stand by her man, who lived by to her marriage vow of being a wife for better or for worst.

Shame on those women who condemn the wife. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

A warning to all sweet young thing out there

2010-03-08T11:37:00.002+08:00

This is a warning for all sweet young thing out there who think that they can get away by claiming to be young and innocent. You are not.

You have been taught never to take a toy away from your playmate when you are in kindergarten. You have been punished by the discipline master if you are caught stealing from your friends when you are in secondary school.

Therefore, under no circumstances should you even consider taking the husband away from a married woman. That is stealing, that is cheating and ultimately, if your man is a good man, he will not settle for less. He will not go with the theft.

A good wife will stand by her man.....

even if he prefers watching EPL to going to her mother's house for reunion dinner,

even if he spend more time washing his car then giving her a sponge bath

even if he lost his mind for a while and go for some sweat young thing.

Ultimately, a great wife would know how to win her husband back.

She will give him the freedom and space to fly knowing that he will fly home to her.

And when he asked for forgiveness, she will not rub it into this face and demand ridiculous amount of compensation.

A great wife would be able to handle the hurt her husband has inflicted on her and help her remorseful husband to rebuilt his family and his life.

Remember, she has vowed to take him for better or for worst.

Sadly not many women and be a great wife. Sadly not many women actually love their husband unconditionally.

To all the China song birds who are eyeing my husband, be warned.

My heroes. Most of them have died.

2010-02-16T13:19:00.002+08:00

Growing up in the 70's were fun. I was allowed to watch television when men were heroes and women were ladies.

The man I fell in love with the Six Million Dollar man. He was strong with bionic powers. He always used it to save his country or his friends.

Next was Micheal Landon. Not only was he a great actor, he was also a good producer, producing good movies and television series with sound moral values.

Who can forget him as Charles Ingalls, a struggle farmer in the Western frontier, loving but firmly bring up his three children?

And finally there is Jack Lord, as Steve McGarrett, the one who solve criminal cases and always asking his side kick to "Book Them."

In the 70's issues are clear. You are either the bad guys or the good guys. You cannot be both.

I just watched finished a movie called Wanted where the role of the assassin is celebrated and the good guy is actually the bad guy who is actually the good guy.

Yes life was less complicated during the 1970's TV land. How I long to go back to these time.

At least the values that were formed by watching Television series were good values like honour, respect and consideration.

What do we have now? Footballers and golfers who lack self disciple off the sporting arena and sport athletics who only run for the money with honey on their side.

Now do you know why there are no free to air t.v or cable in the esshold?

You have been warned.

Before you sign that paper

2010-01-26T14:42:00.003+08:00

Another one bite the dust.
Bred and Angelina.

Will they ? Or will they not?

When you have six children like they and we do, divorce should not be an option.

When a couple break up, it is never just between the the husband and wife.

They are also a father and mother to their children.

When a couple divorce, they rip the children apart.

Their children is torn between the father and mother. It is impossible to separate the two.

If you mix a spoonful of Milo with a spoonful of sugar, you can still separate the two.

However, once hot water is added, the milo is made. Not at all possible to spilt up the milo from the sugar and water.

So if you are planning to walk out of a marriage, remember the Milo is already made.

2010-01-08T17:05:00.007+08:00

I wrote a letter in response to an article I read in Today.

I REFER to "My son deserves a second chance" (Jan 6).
My two children were home schooled up to their O-levels. They did well enough to qualify for a polytechnic.

In 2008, while my son was doing his third-year Diploma in New Media in Republic Polytechnic and my daughter was doing her second year in Mass Communication in Temasek Polytechnic, he suggested that they take their A-levels as private candidates.

I was worried that they could not handle this in addition to their poly studies, but they went ahead.

They signed up for English Literature and Geography at A-level and General Paper and Maths at AO level, and studied using the syllabus available from the Singapore Examination and Assessment Board.

Half-way through, they dropped Geography and Maths because of the heavy workload at the polytechnics. They took Literature and General Paper.

My daughter obtained a distinction for Literature and a B for General Paper. My son got a C for General Paper and a D for Literature.

Did sitting for the A-levels affect their other studies? It, in fact, helped with their poly performance. My son graduated in the top 5 per cent of his cohort and has a place in the National University of Singapore. My daughter has not finished her final year yet; so far her Grade Point average is about 3.2.

My reason for sharing our children's education journey is to encourage Mr Vincent Tan to seek an alternative route to further his son's education.

The junior college route is only one of several his son can take. He can take up a poly course or, alternatively, he can complete his A-levels on his own.

I am sure that this experience will give Mr Tan's son the motivation to pull himself together and complete his education one way or another.

More comments on the subject at www.todayonline.com/voices

This is the article that I am responding to.

My son deserves a second chance

Letter from Vincent Tan

05:55 AM Jan 06, 2010

THE new school year started on Monday, but my son, who was in his first year of junior college (JC) last year, will not be attending school this year.

My son qualified for his JC having scored an O-Levels aggregate of 10 points. Except for Chinese, which he failed, he scored either A1s or A2s for his subjects.

However, my son was not a consistent worker. He has the habit of slacking during non-crucial years, only to outperform and surprise peers, teachers and parents alike and make the cut when it matters. At PSLE he topped his school's EM2 stream, with A* in three subjects and an A in Chinese.

Last year, he did badly in his "promo" exams, only getting passing grades in two subjects. Prior to the exam, the school vice-principals (VPs) and his civic tutor (CT) had flagged his "attitude problem" and warned that he would not make it to JC2 if he did not meet the promotion criteria.

Having fared badly in his exams, my playful son was given his report card with a blank under "status", meaning it had not yet been decided whether he would be retained or promoted. The VPs warned that my son was under review and that his performance in the ongoing Project Work (PW) would determine the outcome of that status.

We wanted my son to be given a fair chance and pleaded that his status not be determined and revealed to him until after the PW final presentation was over. However, his CT told him in no uncertain terms that he would be "expelled" and would not even be retained for JC1.

That pulled the carpet from under his feet. For him, all motivation was lost.

A few days after the PW presentation, we were told by the CT to meet the VPs. My son was very happy that day, as the CT had changed tack and told him that he would be retained. As parents we were elated when we were told the news and we went to the meeting with a happy heart.

My wife and I stepped into the room to meet the VPs and were given a report card with the status "retained". As a concerned parent, I voiced out the difficulties we had motivating our son for the PW and we wanted to make sure that in his repeat year he would not face such a setback again. I pointed out that at his young age motivation was a key factor in performance.

To our disbelief, one of the VPs at that point pulled back the report card, said they had made a terrible mistake and asked for our forgiveness. My son was not to be retained, they said - he was being asked to leave.

While my son fared badly at the promos, was it not overly punitive to deprive him of a chance to at least repeat JC1? My son's entire future was at stake.

My son is determined to do JC in Singapore, but when we contacted the other JCs, we were told that they, too, are also weeding out weak students. We have not received so much as a call from any of them.

Back in my school days, some of my more playful classmates used to do badly in non-crucial years only to ace their school-leaving exams when it mattered. Many are eminent members of society now.

Are JCs now too competitive? In their hurry to raise their "value add" quotient, are they pressuring weak students to drop subjects and prematurely weeding out students they deem unsuitable?

I hope the Ministry of Education will look into the school ranking system, which may have seen sacrificial lambs such as my son paying the painful price.

Found finally !!!! The Merdeka Lion

2010-01-07T20:03:00.005+08:00

When I was young I remember a bridge which span across the mouth of the Rochor and Kallang Rivers.

My grandfather called it the Merdeka Bridge which in Malay means "freedom" and the bridge represented our fight for independence.

The bridge was built over the Kallang Basin to link Nicoll Highway. Every morning when my grandfather went for his morning walk, he would start from Jalan Pisang which is opposite the Sultan Mosque, walked passed this bridge before reaching National Stadium. He would then turn back and walked towards his home.

He told me that there were two Merdeka Lions with each standing at one end of the bridge.

In 1966, they were relocated to Stadium Walk, near the entrance of of Kallang Park. Many families would go there and have their pictures taken with these lions.

Of course, I pictures taken with the Merdeka Lion but I do not know where these pictures are now.

When I was growing up, I discovered that the Merdeka Lion has disappeared and no one I asked knows where they are.

Therefore, it was a pleasant surprise to discover these lovely Merdeka Lion at the SAFTI MI. We were visiting our eldest son who is in OCS now and when we were touring the grounds, discovered them near the tower.

Needless to say, my children and I proceed to take pictures with these lions just like what my dad did with us 40 years ago.

Something never change.

It is great to allow my children to touch a part of our past. I wonder if these lions should be relocated to a more public place so that more people can enjoy them?

Command, Control and Communication

2009-12-30T19:55:00.004+08:00

My husband used to tell this joke when he was in the army. When soldiers go to war, they will shoot the officers first before going into he battle field. Those who have served in NS may have a lot more jokes to share officers.

I have been reading this book Command in War and learnt about the C3 concept. Command, Control and Communication.

Recently, a lady in command was very upset when she discovered that she did not command the heart and soul of those she control. Her followers were disengaged and would only carry out her command. She has control over them but they did not buy into her vision.

Her appointment and position gave her the ability to command and control. Most leaders assume that since they are in the position to command, they can command.

What they missed out is their ability to communicate their vision to those they lead.

Some leaders barks their commands at those they lead.

Others make declaration like because I am in command I can do what I please.

All they have achieved is having their instructions and orders carried out but they do not have followers that will run with them into the battle and die with them and for them.

Once, an officer after a long road march ordered that all his soldiers take off their socks and put their feet at the foot of the bed. This officer personally checked that every single soldier's foot do not have foot rot. Of course his soldiers are willing to die for him in the battlefield.

All a leader has to do to engage the hearts and souls of those he leads is to communicate his choice of decision clearly to his followers. Once the follower understand the rational for the decision taken, the followers will follow his leader to the end of the earth.

In the book The Art of War, it was said that a leader has to know the environment, the weather, the land terrain, the enemy and most important of all himself. To me that is the highest form of communication

知彼知己，百戰不殆；不知彼而知己，一勝一負；不知彼，不知己，每戰必殆。(故曰：知彼知己，百战不殆；不知彼而知己，一胜一负；不知彼，不知己，每战必殆。)

So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas?

2009-12-28T07:23:00.006+08:00

And so the present have all been opened. The turkey roasted and eaten. And you step back and wonder..... is it all worth it?

What is the point of giving present when you are not presence at the party? What is the point of sitting in front of the Television watching EPL?

Inference, Interpretation and Implication

1. That you did not respect your host enough to be present at the party. Your body is there but your heart is with the EPL.

2. That all the relatives gather together is less important than the football game that is being played between one football club and the other.

3. That watching a screen image of twenty two men running around in chasing a ball is more interesting then interacting with people you seldom see.

4. Forcing everyone else to watch you game teaches your children that who ever control the remote wins. And that it is all right to be a brat and selfish and see to your own needs with no regard to any one else.

Compared this with another Christmas Party.

1. There are no television in the living room and so guests have the opportunity to interact with one another, catch up on old time, offer attention, appreciations and affirmations that they are people worth listening too.

2. Cousins, second cousins and third cousins who only meet at weddings and funerals can re- established bonds and relationship again over a simple drink and a simple meal of mash potatoes, ham and turkey.

3. Whole family sang out of key but loud and clear in one voice communicating in a way that no presents can that the family is one and there will be support when needed.

4. Most important of all, celebrating that Christmas is not a ritual or routine that one has to follow but a time to re established bond, kinship and family ties.

Next year, we planned to stay at home and have hot chocolate and stolen interacting with our love ones instead of going to yet another party to watch other watch football.

You have been warned.

2009-12-22T09:30:00.007+08:00

On Sunday, 20th December 2009, after getting some army issue from Golden Mile Hawker Centre with our son, my husband and I decided to go to Mustafa, the one stop shopping center where we figured our son could get the toiletries all under one roof.

We took a Transcab taxi (No. SHD 463G) at about 3.30 p.m outside the Golden Mile Hawker Centre. He turned into Kapour Road and asked us to alight as he refused to drop us at the entrance of Mustafa (below the overhead shopping mall) along Verdun Road. My husband insisted that he dropped us at our destination.

The driver started to insult my husband and said that he was being selfish. At that point, my husband opened the taxi door and asked my son and I to alight while he went in to the taxi again.

My son and I walked to the entrance of Mustafa and waited anxiously for him. We saw the taxi drove by us to Shing Hotel which is at the next block. Because we were worried about my husband, we fixed our eyes on the taxi.

What happened next shocked us. As my husband got out of the taxi and walked toward Mustafa, the drive got out and ran toward my husband and rained blows at my husband. My son sprinted to the spot (thank you SAF for making sure that he cleared 2.5 km in less then10 mins) where he found my husband had been pushed on the floor. My son had to pull the driver away to prevent him from hurt his father even more.

When the police arrived, both the driver and my husband were advised to make a police report at Police Cantonment Complex.

My husband arrived at 5.30 p.m. Two hours later, he was asked to pay the taxi fare. My husband paid the fair but made a statement listing down the injuries that he has sustained. He left the complex at around 10.30 p.m.

Lesson learned

1. Passenger still have to pay for taxi fare even though taxi driver has provided unsatisfactory services.

2. Even if the driver has hurt passenger, the passenger cannot bring up a criminal charge against the taxi driver.

3. The taxi driver is in the driver seat and therefore he has the power to decide where he can drop passenger off or else he will take the law into his own hand.

4. Transcab Taxi website state the following

Whole Team aim for excellence and to provide excellent service
Experienced people in transport line

Till today, I still feel traumatized whenever I see a Red Transcab Taxi.

You have been warned.

(My husband and my son explaining to the traffic police what had happened)

The taxi with the taxi driver. Notice his calm face. Maybe he knows that nothing can happened to him.

2009-12-21T10:06:00.002+08:00

How much does it cost?

Cost of trip to OCS $40.

Cost of leaving mass tin and other staff in Tekong and so must go to Beach Road to buy back stuff. $80

Cost of having two other esses before going in ? Priceless

What most OCS are good at .......z....z...z..

It's payback time

2009-12-14T06:46:00.006+08:00

Hand up if you have promised any of your children that if they do well in the final exam, PSLE, O Level or A level, Papa or Mama will buy........ (fill in the blanks here, it does not matter), bring you to ..... (again fill in the blanks here, it does not matter) or bargain .... you life away.

One of my friend ran out of gift to motivate her son who is completing his A level next year at a junior college in Bishan. He has been given a high powered computer yet again( so that he can play batter with great graphic), brought all over Asia for holidays for doing well.

I called this the billiard ball syndrome. The child is the coloured ball on the pool table, the red balls are the gifts that parents promised for good performance and the parents are the ones holding the cue stick. Notice how the coloured balls will never moved by themselves but are dependent on a. the red ball to transfer the energy and b. the amount of force that the cue stick has been used to transfer the energy from the red ball to the coloured ball.

When a child has been brought up to believe that learning is not an end in itself but a means to get the next PSP, hand phone or trip to the ski resort in Korea, he or she is not given the opportunity to experience the joy of learn.

Of course, some parents will argue that it is better his child passes the exam at what ever cost, never mind if he grow up selfish or materialistic. Or they commit the ad populum fallacy that since everyone of my friend, relative and neighbour is doing it, it is all right.

So what can a parent do to cultivate this joy of learning, to bring up self driven learner that is independent and intelligent at the same time?

Firstly, never associate learning with any kind of reward. Period.

Secondly, celebrate any small achievement that the child achieve at his own time and pace. Our four year old just learn to write an A yesterday and we were so happy and so proud of him. We praised him for being able to write but did not promise him that if he can write from A to Z he will get his Optimum Prime for Christmas.

Thirdly, create an environment which is safe and secure for the child to learn. The brain responses better to a positive environment. If the brain is stressed, it will perform but the performance is under par and will not be long lasting. Answer any questions that the child has and do not make him feel that his question is stupid, uninteresting or useless. Most important of all, never compare the brain with any other brain. It is the easiest way for the brain to give up it quest for learning.

A human brain is designed to learn. The million dollar question is what will it learn? Often, it will learn what the parents does not intend for it to learn. We as parents just have to remember Newton Third Law of motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Now think. What is the opposite reaction when your child receive his gift this Christmas for doing well in his exam?

You have been warned.

2009-12-10T07:45:00.007+08:00

So fast another Ess will be released into the world soon.

Is the world ready for this Ess?

Today is Aubrey's birthday. Her name was chosen because I heard this song Aubrey by Bread one day and decided that this would be a great name.

This name has its origin in Old German origin. It is a Norman French variant of Alberich, Germanic name.

Aubrey means 'elf'. In Germanic Mythology, the king of elves was called Aubrey. Yes, our Aurbey can be impish at times with her laughter filling up a dull afternoon. She is fiercely independent, with her mind of her own and very logical. Yet her heart is filled with love for her younger siblings. she has become their part time mum when I am too busy with work.

Her second name,Gabrelyn was chosen because she was conceived 9 months before Christmas. As Angel Gabriel has foretold the birth of Christ to Mary around 25th March, we decided to use this name.

When I goggle her name, I am so proud to see so many articles she has written published on various news website.

She has only one year to remain as a teenager. May she continue to vex her parents like all teenagers do and may she blossom into a lady soon.

With no hope of reward nor seeking gain

2009-12-04T18:20:00.005+08:00

Recently one of my friend ask me to help her find an opportunity for her son to do extra Community Involvement Project (CIP). She has wanted her son, who is on the through train at a school in Bishan to get involved.

I found a project for her son to do which involved working with children who has terminal cancer. It would be easy as the hospice is only a stone throw away from his school. Just as the details were settled she asked if her son's effort would be recorded in the School Graduation Certificate. (SGC)

My heart sank. It sank even lower when she explained that another colleague of her helped her daughter obtained a scholarship by doing a lot of CIPs and it looked good when she went for an interview for the scholarship.

I do not think it is the fault of the mothers as any mother would try her best to help her child develop to the fullest.

The fault lies in the system where students have to clock in compulsory a minimum of six hours of CIP every year. Because it is a compulsion, it is difficult to develop this ideal of volunteerism in our teenagers.

I am involved with an NGO which seek to protect the environment through the promotion of eco living. Often, I will have to hunt for volunteers to support this NGO. I normally would not choose students who when asked to help would reply :" Will it count towards the CIP hours?" or "Will it be recorded in the SGC.?"

Students who have been volunteering with this NGO know that they will not get any CCA points, any CIP hours, nor it will not be recorded in the SGC. No Reward, No Award.

Recently, there was a blood donation drive at the Bishan Community Center. An ITE student went there to donate blood. She did not receive any CIP hours, it was not recorded in her record books and no one in her ITE knew about it.

She was rejected because she was under 18 and need parental consent. She went home download the parental consent form and went back to donate blood only to be rejected the second time because there was not enough iron in her blood. She is now taking iron pills waiting for the time when she is eighteen and when the iron level in her blood is within range.

There is still hope for Singapore after all.

2009-11-29T23:38:00.002+08:00

How do the esshold knows that Christmas is round the corner? It is the sound of jingle bell ringing at the cash register at the shopping mall? Or the turkey advertisement asking us to buy tasteless meat so that your Christmas can be complete? Or the round of frantic shopping for gift to give to people who you think do not deserve it at all?

Apart from baking the traditional fruit cake in the Esshold, another tradition we follow is to set up the advent candle four weeks before Christmas.

The advent candles is made up of four candle: three purple and one pink representing faith hope love and joy. Each Sunday, one candle is lit and a short prayer is said before dinner.

This is to remind us that we have to put Christ back into Christmas. Christmas is more then a Christmas tree, log cake or even stocking hanging on the wall. We are all called to be gift to others not expecting to receive gifts at Christmas all the time.

How can we be a gift to all man? When a friend needs a listening ear, listen. When a sister needs a helping hand, help. When a spouse needs a shoulder to cry on, offer one. It is better then all the cheesy gift that you have to gift or receive.

Hand up the number of useless tie, bath soap, power you have receive. This Christmas make a simple card like a voucher that the receiver can use to redeem when it is needed. e.g One helping hand to be redeemed when required to move house, wash dishes or mop the floor.

Try it . It is worth it.

You are what you eat

2009-11-25T15:13:00.008+08:00

A father allows his young son to watch World Wrestling and then wonder why his son has a violent temper.

Another mother bought her son the state of the art, latest computer because he claimed that he need such a computer to do a class project. (Mum believed him as she thought that since his son is in a top school in Bishan which offer through train, he would not lie.) She then wonder why he is addicted to computer game.

Another mother continue to buy a range of PSPs and proceed to complain why her son could not interact with his peers and has no friends. She failed to see that his eyes are constantly glued to the PSP during diner time, on the road or when visiting relatives and friends during Chinese New Year.

Many people who encounter our children often wonder why their children could not behave a bit more like ours. Ours not only obey us when instructions are given, they obey our friends' instructions. Often our friends would use our children to experience what it is like to have obedient children.

While we do not claimed to have all the answers to parenting or how to bring up great children, (our children can be devil incarnate at times) we can share the environment that our children grew up in.

Firstly, our house is a visually stimulating environment. There is a piano, a drum set, three guitars, a garden, a working kitchen and a large library where our children get a variety of stimulating input. According to neuroscientist Martha Pierson of the Baylor College of Medicine "children need a flood of information, a banquet, a feast."

However, this flood must not come from PBP or the television which is often used as a baby sitter. Television do not give time for reflection, interaction, or three-dimensional visual development. Television is two dimensional yet the development of the brain needs depth observed another neuroscientist V.L. Ramachandran at the University of California at San Diego.

Beside television moves too fast and talks about abstract ideas that are often non existent in a child's environment. It does not allow the eyes to relax which can aggravate learning difficulties. It is a poor replacement for play time and sensory motor development time.

Our house do not have a television set in the living room. We do not have cable, MIO nor free to air channel. This allows our children more time to better develop their language, social and motor skills. On a typical afternoon, they can bake, play the piano, dig in the garden or explore the natural environment in the park or fight and playing with other children.

Secondly, our children do not spend alot of time in the fastfood joint like MacDonald, KFC or Pizza. Children nowadays already eats too much saturated fat, sugar and simple carbohydrates. They eat too few fruits, vegetables and complex carbohydrates. Because our children are home schooled, they have fewer opportunities to eat junk food and we have control over what they eat.

Thirdly, we teach our children only when they are ready to learn. This demands that we do not given in to the temptation of measuring their academic performance regularly until the joy of learning as been replaced by the stress of performance. Children often has to perform well in their exam and test so that their parents can boast at the office's water cooler how great their children are.

For example, we did not send our children to reading specialist or enrichment class when they could not read nor write when they are about 7 or 8 years old. If they were in school, they might have been labeled slow learner or worst still mis-channeled to the wrong stream. Instead they blossomed into avid reader. Now they read widely and could handle a vareity of books from Harry Potter to Narnia. As Geeenberg (1991) observed "Wait until the brain's ready to read, then you can't stop it." Once our children attained a high rate of literacy, they woudld not have problem with their studies.

Children are gifts that has been placed in our hands. It is our duty as responsible parents to bring up our children. Sometime we have to be tough to love them and not give in to everything that they want but we must be there to give them what they need. Are we good parents yet?

Season of Giving, Season of griefing

2009-11-21T13:48:00.003+08:00

Each year around this time, many adults and parents will be agonizing over what present to buy for their children and their relatives.

Once, I gave two children from a rich family a simple gift. They opened it infront of me and when they saw that their gift they exclaimed that the gift was cheap and proceed to discard it without any thought or rgard to teh giver.

This year, one of my relative warned me that I have to buy better gift for their children as they have already bought expensive gift for mine.

A gift is not an exchange or a transaction. It is an expression of goodwill from the heart. Not all who give Christmas present are rich.

Sometime poor people sacrifice what little bonus they have to give gift fro their relatives.

We bring up our children to appreciate whatever gift is given to them, no matter how inexpensive it is, to receive the gift with a grateful heart and not to judge the gift by it momentary value.

This Christmas, let us teach our children to accept gift from our friend and relatives with grace and dignity and not to expect expensive gift especially since many of us have been retrenched or lost our jobs.

2009-09-26T18:11:00.003+08:00

If a murderer was crowned Ms World while serving time in jail, is she allowed to keep her crown as she explained that she would like to hold onto the title because she has come so far in her dream and she does not wish to, because of a past mistake, give up something that is meaningful to her?

Of course not right.

But what about giving her a second chance?

Of course I will give her a second change.

But You do the crime, you do the time.

After you have served the punishment then you are allowed to start afresh.

Now, I have no problem with MISS Singapore World Ris Low Yi Min not being able to speak well. I do no even mind when we are silly enough to choose a bimbo to represent all women in Singapore.

BUT this is Singapore. Hello Principle of Meritocracy where we are rewarded with hard work.

She did not believe in this principle. She took the easy way out.

She claimed that " she is not proud of what she did, and added that her crimes were committed in 'a moment of folly'. 'I don't know why I did it, it was not like I needed the money."

Hello?

In April and May last year, she spent more than $2,400 on at least four separate occasions, using at least three illegally obtained credit cards, at times impersonating the identity of their owners. She was sentenced to 24 months of supervised probation in May this year.

I cannot consider 4 separate occasions as a moment of folly.
60 charges were taken into consideration for the purposes of sentencing. This is not a moment of folly.

It is all pre-planned.

She said that 'I would like to hold onto the title, definitely, because I've come so far in my dream and I don't wish to, because of a past mistake, give up something that is so meaningful to me.'

She must be brave enough to stand up and face the time. Every action has a reaction. Every choice as a consequences.

Too many parents now a days are so afraid to punish their children when they have done something wrong for fear that they would scare the children for life.

As a mother of six, I believe that when we spare the 'rod' we will spoilt the child. If any of our children does something wrong, they will be punished. Non-negotiable.

As Mother Teresa said Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.

Ms Low, it is still not to late to start with the small things.
Start by first giving up the crown gracefully.
Start by doing the time and accept that you have to pay for your life of crime

Start by finally being a great role model for all the lost Ah Lian who need someone like you to look up to for all the right reasons.

Show them that you are begining to be an adult, that you knwo right from wrong, that at this point in time, you did not have the heart and support of Singaporeans to represent them.

Be faithful Ms Low to you time that you have to pay for your crime. It is the only right thing to do.

2009-09-02T09:37:00.002+08:00

My colleagues know that I do not support any NLP based programme. Each year, when we have to go to camp with the students, I will ensure that I do not go with the classes that use NLP trainers. Each time they asked me, I would explain the pitfall of NLP. Often, it would fall on deaf ear.( We have used the same NLP trainer for two years.)

Recently, these NLP has expended to teaching students study skills. When I was given the opportunity to examine their course content, I was shock to see this statement wriiten in their course book. " To do well in social studies, you have to remember the dates and events." This is totally against what I have tried to educate the students in social studies. While I cannot speak on other subjects, I know that what they are doing for social studies is wrong.

I thus stated very clearly that I will not be held responsible for the results of the students who will go through these NLP courses. If they do well, these NLP will most probably use their face for some advertisement. If they do bad, I guess they would wash their hand off.

I still stand by my view that NLP is not appropriate for our students. It does not promote thinking. It only seek to programme our students which is totally against the spirit of education.

Like I always teach my students: Short term gain , Long term pain. or Solve one problem, create five others.

The choice is clear

Let teachers motivate ...

But principal uses motivational speakers to boost school's results

05:55 AM Aug 31, 2009

Letter from Roland Ang

RECENTLY, I received an SMS from my daughter's school asking me to sign up for a paid workshop to help parents understand their children - to be conducted by some neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) practitioners.

My daughter told me that the school had also engaged the same people to counsel and motivate them as her school principal was not happy with the overall mid-year result.

The purpose of the NLP-trained motivational speaker, they were told, was to help them achieve better results.

Private organisations use NLP-trained motivational speakers to enhance sales targets and customer service, notably in the insurance and time-share industries. Their relationships are purely commercial. However, that cannot be said between schools and motivational speakers as the latter have no stake and vested interest in any school.

Schools should leave the teaching, inspiring and motivating of children to parents and school teachers rather than relying on external trainers to enhance their overall school results just to maintain their school ranking. Is education all about results and nothing else?

Miss Ho Peng, the director-general of Education at the Ministry of Education, said in a speech recently at the Teachers' Mass Lecture as well as the formation of Professional Learning Communities (PLCs), which are powerful platforms for teachers to learn from one another, that it gives her great fulfilment when teachers move on to greater responsibilities and, in turn, help to develop others.

I think this is a move in the right direction for teachers.

There are many advertisements in from NLP entrepreneurs. Their punchlines are about helping those who sign up for their courses to attain financial success, or to "get rich fast".

Legally, this is not wrong, but morally these people are capitalising on the weaknesses of people with a desire to get rich fast without the need to work hard.

Such courses may lead to an erosion of the work ethic in the gullible young, especially during this economic downturn when many are unemployed or desperate to recover losses from bad investments.

If parents want to send their children to accelerated learning programmes, they do so at their own prerogative. But I hope schools will avoid engaging NLP practitioners merely to enhance their students' results. Rather, they should keep faith and trust in their teachers to inspire and motivate their students.

Our children are human beings and not commodities.

This is a reply to the above letter

NLP has issues, problems

05:55 AM Sep 01, 2009

Letter from S Ganesamoorthy

I REFER to "Let teachers motivate ..." (Aug 31). Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as a methodology has lots of hidden issues and problems.

As principals are increasingly inviting these speakers to talk to their students, there is a need to be circumspect and look at the issue of NLP from the broad perspective of its use in education.

NLP practitioners receive their so-called master's certification by attending a short course or via online master's certification.

NLP is also not accepted into the fold of psychiatry, psychology or even sociology or social work, and does not contain the academic rigour of being accepted as a field of discipline in its own right.

The originators of NLP are themselves not agreed on the objectives and targets that must bind the NLP process.

There is certainly an obligation on the part of the Ministry of Education to ensure that the methodologies adopted to instruct our students pass the acid test of evaluating NLP as a subject in its own right.

Besides, there is an urgent need for our educational/para educational, counselling, psychological and medical agencies to evaluate and validate the methodologies adopted by NLP practitioners and hold them accountable.

It is also worrying that these training providers, who are invited to train students at an enormous investment of time and money, also conduct courses and seminars on "short circuits" to becoming millionaires.

As we celebrate Teacher's Day, let us pay tribute to the many who have mastered their skills to make a difference in their students' lives and reassert their pre-eminence in the lives of all students today and in the future.

Let us empower our teachers so that they will empower our students.

As stated so succinctly by Haim Ginott, the teacher, child psychologist and psychotherapist who pioneered techniques for conversing with children that are still taught today:

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It's my personal approach that creates the climate. It's my daily mood that makes the weather.

"As a teacher, I possess tremendous power to make a student's life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or humour, hurt or heal. In all situations it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a student humanised or de-humanised".

2009-08-29T08:39:00.003+08:00

When I was young and Christmas tree was tall.....

This old song from the Bee Gees popped out of my head recently.

Life is a matter of perspective.

When I was young, certain thing and issue were up most important to me like: Will I have a date on Saturday or will any one be interested in a tomboy like me etc.

Now it has changed. I worry when one of my sons has too many dates on a weekend while my other children do not seem to mind that they do not have any.

I worry if they would find a good spouse and be happily married.

And so I have began to pray for all my children's spouses that they do not mind have an ess for a mother in law.

I also wonder will I be accepted as a mother in law to them. Will I be a living hell for them like Jane Fonda, a monster in law?

Most likely, I will be travelling around the world drinking wine with Gino in Venice or coffee at the cafe in gay Paris so that I will avoid being a mother in law.

Life is a matter of perspective. To my students who are reading this blog, who are heart broken because their swine of a girl friend has walk out of them all I can say is : Time will heal.

Yes, I know how you feel for when I heard that phrase when I was 18 .

Time will heal. I retorted so what? I am hurting now.

Trust me. All I can say is Time will heal.

30 years later when you look back at issues that you hold dear at 17 or 18, you will realise that what an ess you have been.

You will smile and you will remember that once an ess has told you that Time will heal and it is true.

2009-07-24T13:38:00.003+08:00

Today my son Angus is twenty years. In a twinkle of an eye, that bouncy, fair and chubby baby has grown into a man.

No longer a teenager not yet an adult. A young adult who is learning to make important decisions.

We, as parents no longer can dictate what he can or cannot do. We can only offer advice when asked for.

Of course we will be tempted to tell you what to do, who to befriend and what to wear.

This period will be a challenging period for all of us as we learn to accommodate each other.The next twenty years will be as enriching as the last twenty year.

The fruit of your labour

2009-07-08T07:37:00.006+08:00

If you are a doctor, you will know the fruit of your labour right away. If you give the correct medicine your patient is cured. If you give the wrong one, he dies. So simple.

What about a teacher? I can never claimed that it is due to me as a teacher that my students turned out well later in life. There are just too many factors in their life for any teachers to claimed that they have make a positive impact. Yet like the doctor, if a teacher took the wrong step often she has the ability to kill her students joy for learning.

A few weeks ago, my ex VP invite me and a couple of teachers for his daughter's wedding. Throughout the dinner, we managed to connect again. We decided to keep in touch through Facebook.

It was a joy to connect with the teachers but through their profile, I managed to connect with this crazy bunch of old boys that I taught eleven years ago.

I remembered them clearly because they broke many teachers heart. To say that they have behaviour problems was an understatement. There were many underlying factors that were influencing their life beyond what a classroom teachers could influence or control.

I remembered the Principal, Discipline Master, teachers and I spend a lot of time cracking our head over how to help them.

Sad to say at the end of the year, we felt we have failed as we have nothing to show for our effort.

It was so heartening to see that so many of them have turned out so well after so many years. Some have settled down and married. Others are still in the university as they are late developers. One who created the most troubled even top his cohort and earned an oversea scholarship.

A teacher can only do so much in class. Like a gardener, she can only ensure that the soil is fertile for the seed to grow. Sometime weeds will grow along with the seedings. She have try her best to weeds out these weeds but the growing has to be done by the seeds themselves.

I am so gald that these bunch of students from 3E6 has grown into gentlemen and scholars of who is passionate about life.

Thank you fro giving this old ess hope to continue her journey as a gardener. If she is luckily to harvest some more fruit, she will remember that she is not the one responsible for it but it was the seeds themselves.

Are you in my age bracket ?

2009-06-27T14:20:00.008+08:00

I think I going to be sad, I think it today.

If the following evoke memories then you would have grown up with me in the 70's.

1. The Carpenter who sang the above lyrics. Which song is it? She died.

2. Of course there is MJ before Thriller and Bad. He sang "Ben" and I"'ll be there " when he was just a boy.

3. Then there is "Puppy Love" and "I am a little bit country and I am a little rock and roll." Another famous family group like MJ.

4. FF who died on the same day as MJ married the man I wanted to marry. However it will coast me more then six million dollars. A major disappointment.

5. Another singer who died so he cannot "Follow Me." Looks like he has followed others and "Fly away."

"I found my Thrill on Strawberry Hills" The one and only who could make the toilet looks cool.

I love these two. Any guess where were they working?

Soon it will be my turn to say good bye to this world. It can be less then 24 hours or in 24 years or even 42 years. Dose not matter. Don't cry for me (another famous Broadway musical before Madonna took it to the movies)

When you come to my wake, please have a loud jamming session with drums and songs. Celebrate that I was and still am luckily to have meet people like you and those who are reading my blog.

Meanwhile, I will live life to the fullest, focus on relationship and prepare to meet my maker.

Is 18 too young to be a mum?

2009-06-24T21:10:00.005+08:00

Extracted from an article first published in The Straits Times 22.6.2009

Ms Tan Siew Kim, the mother of the baby who drowned last year, told The Straits Times she found becoming a parent at 18 overwhelming.

She declined counselling after the baby arrived because she saw 'no point to it' - with or without counselling, she was still saddled with a baby to care for. She felt it was 'not right' to give her child up for adoption, but could not give up her partying lifestyle at the weekend either.

It was while she was sleeping off a night of clubbing and drinking in May last year that her untended child toddled his way to the pail of water.

When Anicius was born, our maid was on home leave in the Philippine. I have to go back to work after two months of no-pay leaves. My eldest three children was a boy of 16, two girls of 15 and 13.

I left the new born Anicius in the care of these three children as they were home-schooled. I wanted them to learn how to care for a new born, how to bath, wash and feed Anicius with breast milk.

Of course their grandmothers yell high dungeon.

Even now when Anicius is going to be four years old, he is being cared for by the children. Sometime I feel more like a grandmother to my youngest son.

A note of advise to all potential parents and any teenagers who wants to have sex outside marriage.

A child is best conceived within a circle of love in a marriage as a child is not a trophy or a tax break.

Be prepared to give up your selfish, self centered life style which include computer games, partying lifestyle and msn cheat and blogging.

Sad to say many of the children that were conceived during one night stand or outside of marriage were conceived by people who have demonstrated no sense of responsibility to begin with.

They are conceived by people who are more interested in satisfying themselves first before giving any consideration to anyone else.

Conceiving a child do not make a person responsible overnight as Ms Tan case showed.

A message to all teenagers who are reading this blog:

Face it. You have the power to create life each time you have sex even if you use protection like condom and the pill.

Abortion is not an option as you will feel guilty for the rest of your life despite of what others told you. They have numbed their guilt.

If you can demonstrated your self-control and take time to choose the father of your children, I assure you would will not regret it.

2009-06-20T19:42:00.001+08:00

Since I began teaching in 1986, facing tight deadlines and insurmountable paperwork – I often feel like throwing in the towel.

I soldier on, however, thinking of the crazy nuns who taught me in secondary stchool.

Sister Cecily Parvi - the brilliant biologist who nevertheless devoted herself to teaching rebellious teenagers.

Sister Christina Yeo - able to illuminate love when explaining “Midsummer Night's Dream” over our preferred “Man in the net.”

They touched my life. One gave me free tuition in English even though I was already studying in a government junior college.

Their dedication to teaching is unparalleled. Always supporting us; never motivated by bonuses, rank or even promotion as their earning are given to the convent. Our development was their focus.

When I feel like giving up, I remember these selfless nuns. I still cannot measure up to them. Yet that is why I remain a teacher, in the process of becoming an educator.

A silent wife is a gift from God

2009-06-13T00:00:00.007+08:00

On 11 June 1989, my husband made me an Ess.

It been twenty one years since I became one

Friends in my secondary school knew me as Ong Hock Lin.

When I became an Ess, I went to change my IC to officially be come Mrs France Ess.

I was not satisfy with the fashion at that time of combining two sur names together like Ong-Ess or Chai-Sim, Lum-Lan or even Lim-Chwee

I wanted to be to be known from then on as Mrs Ess.

Some has asked how did our marriage last for so long?

On my part, I find that the phrase " A silent wife is a gift from God" has helped throughout this journey.

Being silent does not mean being submissive, being bullied or being stepped upon.

Being silent is powerful as you demonstrate your discipline to know when to speak and when not to speak.

Being silent is graceful as you do not engaged in groundless gossip or distructive debate.

For example,on our wedding anniversary, I went and buy a bag Buah Keluak and cooked it with meat.

Any nonya worth her salt will claimed that Babi Buah Keluark
is a classic Peranakan dish.

So when my Eurasian Mil claimed that Buah Keluark is a Eurasian dish, I have two choices.

Keep my mouth shut and keep the peace or correct her and made her feel uneasy or even angry.

I judged that since it was just a matter of opinion and not a matter of fact, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

Aristotle the Greek philosopher commented that "Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not easy."

I was glad that I did not take the easy way out.

It helps that in a marriage we do not take the easy way out.

When we face a rough patch, it is easier to seek other distractions-- computer games, another listening ear, an affair.

When tempted to walk out of the marriage, it is easier to sign the divorce paper. Harder to face to the truth.

In any fight or quarrel, it is much easier to point the finger at your spouse then to reflect on your own shortfall.

I like being an ess. Some who read this blog will again get angry at my traditional values just as this blog stir up so many negative emotions three years ago when I suggested that to love is to obey.

Tank Man

2009-06-03T09:51:00.008+08:00

Remember 1989 when spring beld into summer in Bejian Tiananmen Square?
The gathering of people turned in to waves chanting for change.

June 5th 1989. I was about to give birth to my first born son.

This image was splashed across the world.

No one knew his name.

Not many of my students understood the significance of what this man did.

A single man, standing up for truth.

A brave man, standing alone.

Putting his life on the line.

Would that I have the courage to be like him.

But we are called daily .....

to put our life on the line.

For the values we belief in

To stand tall

And not be afraid.

To be countered.

To be loved

To be free.

Ready to be Tank Man?

For more information please read

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article6390782.ece

See this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMBTuFbLQH4&feature=related

There is still hope.

Sex in the Esshold

2009-05-27T02:00:00.005+08:00

Let start from the very begining.
A very good place to start.
When you sing you start with Do Re Me
The first three words just happen to beDo Re Me .

So where do babies come from ?
Sex between Mummy and Daddy.

http://gen127.blogspot.com/

Due to the Aware Saga, the role of parents in the context of sex education has been brought to the forefront.

If we parents do not take the responsibility and the authority to teach our children about the birds and the bees, others will just take over our place.

Enough is enough.

There is no need to be shy about parents having sex.

Our children need to see that we enjoy sex with each other within the safe boundry of marriage.

We are the best role model of them. If we do not play an active part other will take our place.

The other day, while watching House on DVD, one of our teenager asked about STD. We stopped the DVD and use that opportunity to share with her our views and values on sex and STD.

We cannot be shy and asked her to ask her teacher or wait for Aware to conduct the CSE. Then the moment will be lost.

Sex talk must be conducted in a loving environment and the best way is within the family.

Get this right. If we parents do not wise up to what is happening and continue to hide behind our Asian value or being shy, our children will learnt it from others, be they sexually challenged, normal, strait or bent.

Lets start from the very begining. Let start with us

2009-05-12T12:56:00.002+08:00

Argumentum ad Populum (popular appeal or appeal to the majority): The fallacy of attempting to win popular assent to a conclusion by arousing the feeling and enthusiasms of the multitude also known as the "Bandwagon" fallacy where one attempt to prove a conclusion on the grounds that all or most people think or believe it is true.

There are several ad populum fallacy hanging in my tag right now. See if you can find them.

Sometime I myself also committe this fallacy.

By the way anal sex is not natural. It is against nature.

Nature intended it to be a plug and socket. Not plug and plug nor socket and socket.

It got nothing to do with religion.

If everyone of us in the society only practise anal sex, the entire species would be gone in one generation.

Sex is intended to be Procreative.

If nature intended us to be homosexual why not make just man or woman?

As long as those who are homosexual accept that they are not meant to be part of nature, I have no problem with them.

They are human, they have rights.

Just keep their choice to themselves.

Do not try to make it seems normal,ordinary or just a life style choice .

It is not.

2009-05-11T21:24:00.003+08:00

The English philosopher Edmund Burke (12 January 1729 – 9 July 1797)said, ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.'

Unfortunatley for all of us now living in this all inclusive world,
we encounter the following problems

1. What is evil? Who define what is evil? What is evil for you may not be evil for me.

2. Who define who is a good men? Once again, someone who is good in someone eye may be bad in another person eyes.

3.Do nothing. That is what the all inclusive camp wants all of us to do.

The word all inclusive is also a non existence term.

Because it is just not possible to include everyone as not every one will share the same value with you.

So how, when, where to draw a line?

Few dare to now for fear of being called or labelled Conservative, or extreme right or pushing or shovelling your value down others throat.

So you are reduced to do nothing.

Keep your mouth shut.

Accept the slipply slope.

Everyone is doing it so that will make it right.

Step by step, the all inclusive camp wants you to be numb

to be UNAWARE and then ....

‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.'

Go on.

do nothing.... shhh.....

let sleeping dog lie.....

doggy stlye....

Philosophy 101

2009-05-06T21:51:00.004+08:00

Basic logic course

1)AWARE’s guide for trainers state that “anal sex — can be healthy and neutral if practised with consent and with a condom”

Substitute the taking of ice,Katemine and other life style drugs that is a norm in certain culture and you have

Taking Katemine can be healthy and natural if practised with consent.

2)Founding AWARE member and its first president, Lena Cheng, met with TODAY and said that the group had consulted religious groups, academics, social workers and teachers when they adapted the guide from the 25—year—old International Women’s Health Coalition, which promotes and protects girls’ and women’s sexual and reproductive rights and health. “We’re not some feminists who just thought this up,” she said.

Name three religious groups, academics, social workers and teachers

3) One trainer told TODAY, discussions are “very student driven”.
“We basically ask students, 'what’s your views?’ We don’t say anything, and let them hear all the different ideas... I only make sure everybody respects each other. We don’t believe in imposing any viewpoints,” she said.

Assume the discussion is not about sex but about killing your neighbour because he sings Kara OK of key every night. So the trainer let the students hear all the different ideas, the trainer only make sure everybody respects each other. The trainer do not impose his view point that it is wrong to kill another person. As long as students are given a chance to air their view it is o.k. It does not matter if after airing their view they go and kill the neighbour.

4)Some people derived pleasure from pain during sex. However, it is important that both party consent and are comfortable with it. (from http://inspirationfortoday.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/aware-20073.pdf from comprehensive sexuality education (c) Copyright of AWARE 2007)

So once again to take the logic of AWARE, if your child derived pleasure from taking drug with his friend, it is o.k. as long as both party consent and are comfortable with it.

To quote the gloved one

There comes a time when we heed a certain call when the world must come together as one......

In the esshold, we have this policy. Our children can ask us any question about sex when they are eight years old. We use words like penis etc and we do not hide the fact.

We have taken the mystery out of the topic of sex and to our children it is like other topics that we discuss at home.

We empower them by letting them know that if they want to engage in sex we cannot be there to stop them. So how do we develop good family values ? How do we develop this healthy view that only sex within marriage is the best ?

All we could do is to show them that sex within marriage is fun, healthy and cool.

Many a Sunday afternoon, we send them out of the bedroom and they would know that we do not want to be disturbed. Once, our eight years old happily told her friends in the park that her parents are having sex now.

Too often our children is bombarded with images of people having sex in all type of wrong situations. More parents should stand up and proclaim that "Yes we are having sex. Yes it is enjoyable and the best gift a father can give to his children is to let them see that he enjoys their mother's body."

Our body were made for each other to be enjoyed safely, satisfactory and sensually within the boundary and bondage ;-) of marriage.

True Beauty

2009-05-03T13:45:00.010+08:00

Let me assure all men in Singapore that the behaviour of the women in Aware weather they are supporting the new ex-co or the old ex-co do not and I REPEAT do not represent even 1% of women and ladies in the world.

True ladies have quite confident in their power to persuade, motivate and inspire others without the need to scream, be impolite, boorish or even loutish.

True ladies offer a listening ear first, before allowing their mouth to proclaim judgement. They observe and choose the right path without beating their breast or burning their bra. More have been accomplished by women keeping their mouth shut then by opening them.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln

Case in point:
A mother observed at a wedding that there was not enough wine and that the bridegroom would have to handle an embracing crisis if nothing is done about it. She quietly inform her son who was displeased and told her it was not his business. Nonetheless, she never pushed her way and insisted on her demand. Instead she had faith that her concern would be looked into and instructed her servants to do whatever her son asked her to do.

There are examples of other women who have achieved much with poise dignity and grace. I would not encourage my daughters to be inspired by any of the behaviour of the women who were at the EOGM at Suntec City.

Yes, the old exco won but at the expense of the dignity of womanhood.

One small step for woman in AWARE but a giant back step backward for mankind. Sigh.

(The ess would continue to bring up her three daughters using Audrey Hepburn as a model. Their father would be glad.)

A silent wife is a gift from God. Sad to say not many woman are willing to or can offer this gift. Please note that being silent does not mean being pushed over, or bullied by man. Think about it before jumping to conclusion. A silent wife can be very powerful if only a woman knows how to use that power.

Making an ess of myself.

2009-04-12T19:33:00.006+08:00

When I was going to get married, the teachers in the staffroom asked me gently how I would like to be addressed once I am married. Would Mrs. Clifford be alright? What about Mrs. Simon? I asked what is wrong with Mrs. Ess?

Yes, with eyes wide opened I chose to marry an Ess knowing full well the consequences of assuming this surname. I knew that I would become the butt of a joke (pun intended) whenever I introduce myself.

I first meet my Ess when he was only fifteen and I was eighteen. We meet when we went carolling during Christmas. We did not get to know each other well until the following Easter Week. It was Holy Thursday and we were in the Youth Group in St. Joseph's Church. We were suppose to pray the whole night during the Vigil.

At three in the morning, during the screening of Ben Hur, my Ess started to ask everybody to go to Fort Canning to watch the sunrise. At first I thought that several people were coming along but in the end only my Ess and I went to see the sun rise.

Although the sun did not rise, we were not disappointed. I enjoyed listening to him talk while he enjoyed my listening. I was surprised at his maturity and his sincerity.

As our relationship developed, we faced many challenges. Firstly, there were violent objections from my parents to the nun and priest who felt that he was the wrong choice for a life partner. He was younger than I was, of different race and I was going to the university while he was going to do his O level. Our courtship took seven years to prove to everyone that we were serious.

The second challenge was to keep ourselves chaste for each other. In the 1980's there were no chastity pledge or ring to remind us to be chaste. Of course we were tempted on many occasions and at times we wanted to have sex just to get it over with. It was his deep love for me that prevented us from having pre-marital sex. Form his demonstration of self-control, I could infer that he would remain faithful to me when we are married.

This Holy Thursday, I would have known my Ess for 27 years, married for 20 years.

After all these years, I am very thankful that my Ess still remain faithful , loving, guiding and correcting me when I make an ass of myself. As you can see from the pictures posted on this blog, my Ess is pleasant to the eye.

Several women had warned me that if I am not careful, I would lose my Ess. Once a lady said that she would have taken my Ess if I was not her friend.

Recently, my Ess demonstrated once again that when force to choose to be a married single or a couple, he chose the latter. He told the person in no uncertain term that if you want the Ess, the wife comes with the package.

I am glad that I am blessed with the opportunity to be an Ess and proud of it.

I pray constantly that my children will be blessed with as good a spouse as I have been given.

2009-03-26T20:06:00.002+08:00

Today mama had fun.

This is how the beach looked like when the tide has gone out. Notice that the sand is wet. When it is high tide, the water will cover the plant. This is a mangrove.

This is a picture of mama taken by her friend at the beach.

I will be home by one tomorrow. See you

2009-03-25T17:09:00.003+08:00

Here is mama at the Sec 2 Camp.
Hot Hot Hot

Luckly she got a hat.

These are the teachers that are at the camp with mama.

She still got time to take a picture of the beach.

Mama miss you all very much

2009-03-13T23:24:00.012+08:00

Dear esses,
Mama is on a field trip to Cameron Highland this weekend.I miss you very much.

This is mama at a toilet break half way to Kuala Lumpur the capital of Malaysia.

These are some of my students. They will be taking part in the National Youth Business Challenge this Sunday.

This is mama posting this blog. Ms Faridah helped took this picture of me blogging.

This is the view of the enterence of Kuala Lumpur.

This is the bus number that mama is in.

Thank you for walking with me out this morning.

I miss you.

Good night. I miss you all.Hugs and kisses

2009-03-08T15:25:00.005+08:00

To God be the glory.

Angus and Aubrey who were pursing poly education in 2008 did the A level as home schoolers.

Both did Literature at A level and GP at AO by themselves without any help from anyone.

Aubrey got an A for Lit and B3 for GP while Angus got C5 for GP and D for Lit. They have to apply for time off from poly to do their exam.

Do home schooling promote independent learning? What kind of students do our version of home schooling produce?

When I teach social studies in school, one of the skills I stressed is the role that cross-reference plays in supporting an assertion.

Below is a reference that my son, Angus, received from his poly which he is using to apply for a scholarship from NTU. I

know that homeschooling has played an important part in allow his tutor to make the observations that Angus displayed in class.

To whom it may concern:

It is my pleasure to recommend Mr. Ess Angus Gilchrist for admission to Digital Filmaking at School of Art,Design& Media, Nanyang Technological University.

I am a Facilitator at Republic Polytechnic Singapore I came to know Angus when I facilitated his learning in Sequential Art during his final year in our institution.

Angus possesses excellent analytical skill and is always eager to contribute. He demonstrated this on a weekly basis, through team discussion and projects. He is very passionate about the work he engages himself with.

His serious interests in the subject can be seen in his enthusiasms and active participation
during class discussions.

He has always had a stalwart interest in the field of Digital Filmaking. His spontaneous and stiff upper lip attitude is the quality that would bring him success in his chosen field. There is no question of his belief in teamwork and willingness to help others. It is no surprise he is held in good favour of staff and peers.

l am pleased to act as referee for Mr. Ess Angus Gilchrist . If you require further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours Sincerely,
2oth February 2009
Shaun Tay
Facilitator
School of Technology for the Arts
Diploma of Game Design
Republic Polytechnic
Singapore

Tots from another ess

2009-03-02T22:12:00.002+08:00

Angus, our first born wrote this as part of his application to NTU.

Coming from a home-schooling background, two principles were greatly stressed upon me. The first, being that of thinking independently, has always gotten me into trouble with my questioning of various opinion leaders. However, my curiosity has always driven me to find the answers. The second principle is the development of my personal creativities.

When young, I had time to entertain all my imaginations. I wrote my ideas on notebooks and ran in the rain with my sisters, spending hours talking about ideas and concepts.

Due to my curiosities and willingness to discover, I have been able to study chess and music without guidance. Hence, I have been approached to perform at professional concerts and even hold my own workshops on each art.

During my polytechnic life, I was fascinated by the process of executing a conceptualised plan. Installations, theatrical works, musical collaborations, short films and even just plain story writing - my interest ranged wide. I fell in love with opportunities from the arts field allowing me to ‘connect’ ideas, but more importantly, to ‘communicate’ them to others. Yes, the biggest lesson I learnt in poly: you can conceptualize the most brilliant idea and find it terribly creative, but it is only worth the people who understand it. Selling your idea is what counts.

I want to enter the Bachelor of Fine Arts in Digital Filmmaking under the school of Art, Design & Media in NTU. And the relevance of my personal experience in creative expression!? If nothing else, film provides a great medium to document works in a very appealing manner, and with my creative background I can both contribute to and learn from this experience.

However, my interest runs deeper than that. The lack of a viewer’s physical interaction with a film means that the film makers’ imagination is delivered exactly into its visual perspective, and forced wholly upon the audience. This, (as opposed to an installation where the concept might be compromised based on viewer walking movements, etc), allows film makers more fluidity in content expression. One of my deepest passions is music, and when I compose musically I enjoy visualising movie scenes that fit. Connecting both music and film is the best way I have discovered to express ideas.

Beyond interest, I have the discipline to learn and follow through with tasks. Most importantly - I have the flair to create the musical-film audio-visual relationship.

2009-02-07T13:48:00.002+08:00

Today, my principal said this to me
" Today you are immaculate."

I was going to give a book talk to the school and decided to be in presenter mode.

For those who knew me well, I was a toastmaster for ten years and used to win so many speaking competitions that my children no longer find it fun to play with the trophies.

Hmm I wonder where they are now.

Sometime I do miss not taking part in speech competition. I would go for competition with no title, no content not knowing what I am going to speak.

Then 5 minutes before the competition start, I will just grab any topic and give it to the MC. When I win the contest, I would piss off the other competitions who has rehearsed and prepared many weeks before.

Once I took part in a humorous contest and won five hours after I cremated my father.
I suppose I am blessed with the gift of the gab. But then again, having to speak in front of a class, especially at 1.00 p.m. in the afternoon after a long day in school would be a great way to prepare for a speech contest.

For those who are reading rest assured that I am not boasting. I just want to say that we are all blessed with gifts and we should not buried it but make use of it for the benefit of others.

In this way, even though we are lesser mortals, at least we have leave a positive mark and make someone life better. (Yes I know motherhood statement. Puke Puke....nevertheless the sentiments is heartfelt)

That is why when I see my friend having cold feet when asked tomake a public speech I would try to warm them up. Worst come to wrost I would take over the mike and save their life. Some people said that they prefer deathe to public speaking.

Hey if I can save a life by using my mouth why not?

Lesser Mortals?

2009-01-27T07:17:00.004+08:00

(The lesser mortal on the right with one of her good friend. )

At least now I know that PAP MP view me as one of the lesser mortals .....

makes life a lot easier living in Singapore knowing that

1. I am lesser than ....

anyone who has a scholership,

goes to Cambridge or Oxford,

do PPE (Philosophy, Political Science and Economic)and

get a Admin Service job or be a backbench MP

2. I am mortal and so I can die.... so I need not work so hard like Perm Sec la, MP la who has to wear fire protection when the go walk about,

Thank you MP Charles Chong for enlightening this lesser mortal. I will remember to bow to the God when I met one.

Ill-timed article cooks up a storm Tuesday •
January 20, 2009
Ansley Ng
ansley@mediacorp.com.sg

HIS five-week family trip to Paris to learn cooking at the famed Le Cordon Bleu culinary school appeared as a self-penned travelogue in The Straits Times on Jan 6. Soon, Mr Tan Yong Soon’s article was re-appearing in blogs and Internet forums as netizens reacted to the expensive holiday taken by the permanent secretary at the Environment and Water Resources Ministry.

Yesterday, the Government made it clear the story was “insensitive and ill-judged”, given the current economic climate. Taking a question from Nominated MP Siew Kum Hong, Defence Minister Teo Chee Hean, who is the Minister in charge of the Civil Service, said that although Mr Tan’s vacation was a private decision, he was “disappointed” with what was published.

Referring to the article, Mr Siew had asked if the Civil Service had guidelines for senior civil servants to conduct themselves “appropriately and sensitively”, especially in a time of a recession.

The article told of how Mr Tan, his wife and son had signed up last June for a cooking course, which costs €7,750 ($15,200) per person for a basic programme.

“It struck a discordant note during the current economic circumstances, when it was especially important to show solidarity and empathy to Singaporeans who are facing uncertainty and hardship,” Mr Teo replied.

The head of the Civil Service, Mr Peter Ho, has asked Mr Tan to “take note of the feedback and learn from this episode” and has put the matter “on record”, said Mr Teo.

When contacted, Mr Ho said: “It is part of the duty of civil servants to be sensitive to challenges faced by Singaporeans, especially in difficult times like these. The leadership of the Civil Service – the Permanent Secretaries – must exemplify this sensitivity. This is vital for Government to be able to formulate and implement policies effectively.”

Among the comments in his story, Mr Tan had written, “Taking five weeks’ leave from work is not as difficult as one thinks. ... if you are a good leader who has built up a good team, it is possible to go away for five weeks or even longer.”

Calling the episode a “setback” for the Service, Mr Ho added: “My colleagues and I feel very bad about this episode, because it stands in contrast to the values and ethos of the Service, and if left unaddressed, can undermine the confidence and trust essential for us to do a good job. “Our first duty is to serve Singapore and Singaporeans, and we should always conduct ourselves with decorum and humility. Everything takes its marking from this,” he said, listing the values of the Singapore Public Service: Integrity, service and excellence.

Mr Tan could not be reached for comment.

MP Arthur Fong agreed that Mr Tan could have been more sensitive about the timing of the story. “It was harsh on him, but the timing wasn’t good,” said Mr Fong. “Perhaps people wouldn’t even blink if this story came out in good times.”

Agreeing that the rebuke in Parliament was “harsh”, MP Charles Chong noted that Mr Tan didn’t “brag” about how expensive the trip was in the article. “Maybe it made lesser mortals envious and they thought maybe he was a little bit boastful,” he said. “Would people have taken offence if his wife (a senior investment counsellor at a bank) had paid for everything?”

Triumph over rhetorical flourishes

2009-01-26T09:26:00.002+08:00

Monday, January 26, 2009
Obama's inauguration speech was convincing precisely because he didn't aim to impress.

Janadas Devan

Jan 25, 2009Obama's inauguration speech was convincing precisely because he didn't aim to impressBy Janadas Devan The expectations were too high. Days before Mr Barack Obama's inauguration as the 44th President of the United States, the usually sober MsMichiko Kakutani of The New York Times spoke of him as the most literate statesman America has had since Abraham Lincoln. The Financial Times printed a hagiography by Mr Sam Leith, the Literary Editor of the Daily Telegraph, that assured us that Mr Obama was 'the inheritor of the oratorical and political traditions of Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King and Jesus Christ'.

Professor James Wood, a Harvard University literary critic, produced a detailed analysis of one of Mr Obama's speeches in The New Yorker, treating it as though it were a poem by Shakespeare or John Donne. And Ms Charlotte Higgins, The Guardian's chief arts writer, wrote a much-circulated article that argued that Mr Obama was the first Ciceronian politician since - well Cicero himself it looked like, so rhetorically superior he seemed to every other statesman over the past 2,000 years.

Look, he uses the tricolon, they cooed.

The tricolon is a series of threes. Julius Ceasar's veni, vidi, vici ('I came, I saw, I conquered') and Lincoln's 'government of the people, by the people, for the people' are examples. So is 'rice, kangkong, blachan'. The ability to produce a tricolon does not by itself guarantee the possibility of a great thought.

Oh he uses synthetons, they swooned.

Synthetons are twos - like 'Shakespeare and Donne' or 'men and women'. The ability to deploy synthetons...

Oh look, he used a lovely anaphora, said one. Did you notice that delicious epistrophe, asked another.

An anaphora is the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of a series of sentences: 'Mad world! Mad kings! Mad composition!' (Shakespeare). An epistrophe is the repetition of a word or phrase at the end of a series of sentences: 'There ain't any answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer.' (Gertrude Stein).

The ability to deploy anaphoras or epistrophes does not by itself... - my repetition here of certain words I had used earlier are examples of both anaphoras and epistrophes, and proves what the sentence asserts: My ability to use these rhetorical figures does not by itself mean that I am the rhetorical, let alone intellectual or spiritual, equivalent of Lincoln, King or Christ.

The expectations were too high; Mr Obama was bound to fall short; he did - or so it seemed to his legion of literary admirers. The New York Times, The Financial Times, The Guardian, CNN and whatnot had to admit there were no equivalents of Franklin Roosevelt's 'nothing to fear', John Kennedy's 'ask not' or Lincoln's 'Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection', in Mr Obama's inauguration speech.

As Ms Peggy Noonan of The Wall Street Journal observed: 'It was not an especially moving or rousing speech...There was not a sentence or thought that hit you in the chest and entered your head not to leave.'

All the same, it was a superbly crafted speech, even poetic in parts. There were allusions aplenty: To Winston Churchill - 'every so often the (presidential) oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms'; to 1 Corinthians 13 - 'We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things'; to Shakespeare's Richard III - 'America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember...'; even to his predecessor, Mr George W. Bush - 'For those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror...we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you'.

The 2008 Nobel laureate in economics, Professor Paul Krugman, noticed an extensive lifting of something John Maynard Keynes had said during the Great Depression: 'The resources of nature and men's devices are just as fertile and productive as they were. The rate of our progress towards solving the material problems of life is not less rapid. We are as capable as before of affording for everyone a high standard of life...But today we have involved ourselves in a colossal muddle, having blundered in the control of a delicate machine, the working of which we do not understand.'

Mr Obama, in what must have been a conscious echo of Keynes, proclaimed: 'Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed.'

Few, apart from professors of economics or literary critics, would have noticed these allusions to Keynes or Shakespeare or the Bible. MrObama - or his speechwriters, whom he reportedly edits closely - nevertheless worked them in. It shows a degree of literary consciousness, an assiduity of craftsmanship, that is quite rare among contemporary American politicians.

Were there splendid tricolons in the speech. Yes - beginning with the first sentence: 'I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.'

Were there anaphoras? Yes - plenty, for the English language, at least since the King James Bible, knows of no more effective device to convey a sense of uplift.

Thus, we got: 'For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and travelled across oceans...For us, they toiled in sweatshops...For us, they fought and died in places like Concord and Gettysburg, Normandy and Khe Sanh.'

(That last sentence, incidentally, also packed in a couple of synthetons.)

But these rhetorical figures were not the reason why the speech was convincing. Rhetoric as such cannot produce thought. The thought comes first; the appropriate form follows.

Ms Noonan was right: There was not a sentence in the speech 'that hit you in the chest and entered your head not to leave'. But it is precisely for that reason that I felt the speech was among Mr Obama's most successful. Unlike many of his previous blockbusters, it didn't aim to impress by reaching for an ersatz 'ask not' or 'nothing to fear'.

'Everything that can be said, can be said clearly,' the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein said once. That happens to be an example of an anadiplosis - the repetition of a word in one phrase ('can' here) in the first word of the subsequent phrase. But Wittgenstein need not have known that (and probably didn't) in order to know that 'everything that can be said, can be said clearly'.

If Mr Obama becomes a good president, it won't be because he is a good rhetorician. Rather, it would be because he (and his team) thought things through clearly.

janadas@sph.com.sg

Malacca Trip with Sec 5 2008

2009-01-11T22:34:00.001+08:00

Eye Candy or Milk Can?

2009-01-01T12:05:00.016+08:00

I am a mother of six and am proud that I managed to breastfeed all of them while holding down a full time job. When I first breastfed in public, I got eyes of disapproval as most man cannot handle the fact that their sex toy and fantasy is actually a milk producing machine for a beautiful child.

Ask yourself this question.

Why do so many women who are not mothers spend so much time,effort and money putting silicon gel in their breast in the hope that they will have engorged breast?

Trust me. As a mother who has breastfed six children, my breasts have been there and done that.

The simple solution is just to breast feed and you will have breasts that will beat Pam Anderson's chest down.

Instead of using silicon gel which will be hard and unnatural, try filling it up with breast milk.

I assure you, milk-filled breast is 100% organic, natural and more sexy than those cold, hard silicon ones. Best of all No Melamine

So I say, continue to fight for our right to breast feed in public and educate unenlightened men and woman that a woman's breast main function is not eye candy or a sex toys for man but a milk producing machine.

After all, cow's milk is for the cow.

http://www.youtube.com/swf/l.swf?swf=http%3A//s.ytimg.com/yt/swf/cps-

Even Big Bird accept breastfeeding

vfl70586.swf&video_id=g3DWRhfNm4c&rel=1&showsearch=1&eurl=http%3A//www.facebook.com/home.php&iurl=http%3A//i4.ytimg.com/vi/g3DWRhfNm4c/hqdefault.jpg&sk=pFSlOd2LpqVy5hURnoGdXUWEEFBVt67dC&use_get_video_info=1&load_modules=1&

2008-12-12T21:54:00.003+08:00

My friend pointed me to the following poem written by Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) about the inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power and the purging of their chosen targets, group after group.

His poem is well-known, frequently quoted, and is a popular model for describing the dangers of political apathy, as it often begins with specific and targeted fear and hatred which soon escalates out of control.

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I was not a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

Would you and I have the courage to speak out ? Or would you be afraid to be labelled as anti-establishment?

P.S. An observation from someone: The only way to deal with a murdering dictator is to dictate his murder.

A German’s point of view on Islam

2008-12-12T21:38:00.001+08:00

This post is reproduced from http://www.onthewing.org/user/Islam%20-%20German%20looks%20at%20Islam%20-%20Tanay.pdf

A man whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II owned a number of large industries and estates. When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism.

‘Very few people were true Nazis ‘he said,’ but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come. My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories. ’

We are told again and again by ‘experts’ and ‘talking heads’ that Islam is the religion of peace, and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff, meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectra of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam. The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history.

It is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave. It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honor-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. The hard quantifiable fact is that the ‘peaceful majority’, the ‘silent majority’, is cowed and extraneous.

Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China’s huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.

The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asia in an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet.

And, who can forget Rwanda, which collapsed into butchery. Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were ‘peace loving’?

History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points: Peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence. Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don’t speak up, because like my friend from Germany, they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.

Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghanis, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late.

As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts: the fanatics who threaten our way of life.

Emanuel Tanay, M. D.

Dr. Emanuel Tanay, MD Wayne State University Ann Arbor, Michigan A clinical professor of psychiatry at the Medical School, Dr. Emanuel Tanay MD is a well-known forensic psychiatrist who has been an expert witness in many famous cases, such as the trials of Jack Ruby, Ted Bundy, Sam Sheppard, and Robert Garwood. He is licensed to practice in Ohio and Georgia, as well as Michigan.

Dr. Tanay has served as an officer or committee member of many professional organizations, such as the Michigan Psychiatric Society, the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, the American Psychiatric Association (APA), and others. He is a diplomate of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology and of the American Board of Forensic Psychiatry and a distinguished fellow of the APA and the American Academy of Forensic Sciences (AAFC).

A Holocaust survivor himself, he coauthored a book about the survivors of the Holocaust and was asked by the German government to consult on just compensation for the Holocaust survivors. Dr. Tanay has served on several journal editorial boards, authored many publications, and presented countless times on forensic medicine. His efforts have also produced many awards and commendations from groups such as the Michigan State Medical Society, APA, the Detroit Institute of Technology, and AAFC, among others.

2008-12-10T23:34:00.008+08:00

I read with concern the warning that doctors here raised of a sharp rise in the number of young people addicted to the Internet, with the most severe cases needing hospitalisation to wean them off the Web. (Straits Time 5th December 2008). Two issues come to my mind. Firstly, the effect of the usage of the internet has on the rest of us, and secondly what can parents do to prevent their children from being addicted without banning them from total use of the internet. These two issues are interrelated and both require similar solution.

Thomas Friedman (2002), in his “Global Village Idiocy” article published in The New York Times in May 2002, observed astutely that:

“Thanks to the Internet and satellite TV, the world is being wired together technologically, but not socially, politically or culturally. We are now seeing and hearing one another faster and better, but with no corresponding improvement in our ability to learn from, or understand, one another.”

He concluded that ''In some ways, global satellite TV and Internet access have actually made the world a less understanding, less tolerant place.''

Cyber bullying, cyber quarrel and flaming have become part and parcel of the internet user life. The development of broadband allows for faster internet access to information and data from all multiple sources. With so much information being available, it is necessary to develop skills to evaluate what is found on the internet. Reader must be aware that not everything that is printed on the internet are true. Caveat Lector: “Let the reader beware”

Without face to face interaction, the quality of engagement over the internet through Facebook and other social network system has reduced a human being to an avatar no more then a couple of megapixel on the computer screen, a string of texts which do not represent the whole human being. Personality does and can change when one is in cyber space. How then can one trust the cyber space person?

Friedman proposed that this process can only be reversed with education, exchanges, diplomacy and human interaction. I agreed with him and I believe that this process can best be counteracted through the development of human relationships within the context of the family first and society later.

In the same article in the Straits Time, the Advisory Council on the Impact of New Media on Society (Aims) suggested that the Government and industry bear the cost of Internet filters - such as the Family Access Network provided by telcos - which help parents monitor and control children's Net habits.

This solution alone is not enough as it gives parents the misguided believe that
with the provision of Internet filters their children will be inoculated from being an addict to the internet. Having an internet filter is just an additional gadget or gizmos that cannot be replaced by the warmth of a human touch.

How do we balance the need to prepare our children for the globalized world where the skills to live in cyber space is as important as surviving in the real world?

When we shared that we have three desktops and five laptops in our household and two broadband, teenagers usually assumed that our six children are luckly to have us as parents. That is until they realized that we do not allow any of our children to play any on line games, X Box or game box. One Christmas, when a kind uncle brought an X box for our children we gave it away to an unlucky child. Our children do not know the existence of Maple story or the Penguin Arcade. We believe in the principle that what they do not know they do not miss.

Are we too harsh as parents? I do not think so because like many good responsible parents we do not use the internet as a baby sitter or a proxy parent.

We believe strongly in the power of independent learning and believe that if we teach our children how to critically judge information from the internet, it can be a powerful educational tool.

The children have developed the habit to search for information on the internet when they do not understand or want to learn a new concept. One night, when we entered a discussion about the role of Admiral Zheng He in South East Asia, we were surprise and glad that out nine year old could go to You-Tube to learn more about him. Of course we have to teach our children that not all information found in the internet are true.

We allow them full access to the programs of the computers from which they discovered how to handle word document, how to paint cyber picture and make presentation using PowerPoint.

However the cultivation and development of family relationships goes hand in hand with the preparation of our children for the internet world. Family rituals like prayer before meals, waking up at 5.45 am to go for Sunday Morning Mass, having fun or serious conversation after dinner and night prayer help established good family relationship so that we the parents can guide our children through this minefield called the internet.

Other daily rituals include going to the park everyday to jump on the swing, build sand castle and of course fighting and making up with friends in the park.

We also ensure that the love for reading is cultivated early as we believe that a high literacy rate is an essential skills for our children to manage the nuances and tone of the language that are used in the internet. This is the first step in training our children to have a healthy level of skepticism, ever questioning the comments, opinions and information that are flooding the internet.

We cannot live without the internet. Sometime the only way I get to speak to my older children is through msn. But with the establishment of good family relationships between parents and children and among siblings, our children do not see the need to spend an unreasonable amount of time in the internet to fill the void of an empty lonely life. After all any form of addiction is normally an indication of an unfulfilled life.

But what about children who already shows sign of being addicted to the internet or other computer gadget to the extent that they do not want to interact with family and friends?

Parents will have to be the one to take the first step to help their children. In the area of discipline, we always remember this verse from the New Testament “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace.” (Hebrews 12:11)

Some parents provides these computer gadgets for their children out of a sense of guilt for not spending time with their children or because they want to be popular with their children. Others just want some peace and quite and so these computers gadgets have become the virtual baby soothers.

The first step is to have the courage to recognize that there is a problem and there is a need to wean the children off excessive use of the internet and computer gadgets.

Since internet addiction is a bad habit that is formed over time, parents can help children establish good habit to replace the bad habit. Parents may have to try out more than one replacement habit for the bad habit to find something that work but if we persist the negative behaviour can be replaced with a more positive one. For examples, children can go swimming with the parents every weekend. This is a very effective method as no child would be silly enough to bring their game boy into the swimming pool.

Another method is to limit where and when the child is allowed to use the internet and play computer games. Limit the time spend to a max of one or two hours a day and in a less comfortable place. Knowing that there is a time when they are allowed to play computer games makes it easier to control or reduced the craving. This strategy may be unlikely to help kick the addiction but it is often a helpful start.

Ultimately we parents are responsible for our children, We cannot blame the society, their friends or even the internet when they become addicted to the internet. We could not even hide under the excuse of having to work and so could not find the time for our children. As parents we have to be responsible and teach our children about discipline for the reward is great.

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

2008-12-04T09:31:00.003+08:00

A mother heard whispering and small talk that her son was creating trouble. Yet in her heart she knew that that he was focused and determined to do what he has decided never mind how his mother feel.

Sometime she wished that he would not do the thing he did as she did not want to see her child suffer.Soemtime the action he took pierced her heart like a sword.

Yet, she never once told him to stop. She just keep it all in her heart.

One day, she heard that he intended to go to the city. She knew that he was walking towards his death.

Should she stop him like all mothers should or should she just wait?

In the end she watched from the side, as she saw her beloved son tortured, hurt and finally died. Throughout the time he was dying she stood by him never once said "I told you so".

In the end, his dead body was placed in her arm. All she could do was to prepare his body for burial.

If you were Mary would you have said yes to give birth to a son who is determined to do his Father's Will?

2008-12-01T11:26:00.003+08:00

What can an ancient man who lived in Greece more then 2300 years ago teach us today about teaching and learning ?

Socrates was one of the greatest philosophers in the world. He worked as a sculptor and was a soldier when he was 40. When an oracle declared that he was the wisest man in the world, he devoted the rest of his life as a speaker and teacher.

But what kind of a teacher was he? Unlike many teachers today, he was famous for saying that “I only know that I know nothing.” He believed that he, as well as his students, were ignorant and through a series of questioning, the students will be educated. His belief is that he cannot teach anybody anything. He can only make them think. He did not believe in providing answers for his students but engaged them in the discovery of truth.

Man, according to Socrates, was born good, but ignorance makes his actions bad. Therefore the only true virtue is knowledge. Through the process of argument and definitions of ethical ideas he believed that we could get on the right path. "Know thyself", he said. Hence his most famous quotation: “An unexamined life is not worth living.”

Personally as an educator for over two decades, my favorite quotation is this : Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. To me this quotation reminds me that the responsibility for being educated lies with the students. As educators, we can only create the environment where students can learnt and discover truth.

Finally I lave you with the following observation which Socrates made about the youth in Athens.

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

It looks like this ancient man can still be relevant for us today.

The Ess

APERA Slides

2008-11-27T17:41:00.008+08:00

These are the set of slides that I have used for the paper I presented on 27th November at the Apera Conference. Feel free to give comments and lets continue to have a Socrates Dialgoue.

If you like to invite me to give a more detail presentation and workshop on how to do Socratic questioning do email me at frances_ess@moe.edu.sg. To be effective I need between one and half to two hours.

2008-11-20T18:15:00.008+08:00

An anti-establishment view or belief is one which stands in opposition to the conventional social, political, and economic principles of a society.

One day, while giving a talk to a closed-door audience, it was announced that I was anti-establishment. The speaker wanted a response from me and so I said that perhaps I was the only one who is braved enough to point out that the emperor is not wearing any clothes.

For the benefit of those who are not aware of the Emperor's New Clothes, I reproduced here below a short summary of the story.

An emperor of a prosperous city who cares more about clothes than military pursuits or entertainment hires two swindlers who promise him the finest suit of clothes from the most beautiful cloth.

This cloth, they tell him, is invisible to anyone who was either stupid or unfit for his position. The Emperor cannot see the (non-existent) cloth, but pretends that he can for fear of appearing stupid; his ministers do the same.

When the swindlers report that the suit is finished, they dress him in mime. The Emperor then goes on a procession through the capital showing off his new "clothes".

During the course of the procession, a small child cries out, "But he has nothing on!" The crowd realizes the child is telling the truth. The Emperor, however, holds his head high and continues the procession.

After the talk some of the audience told me that it was unacceptable for the speaker to brand me as anti establishment while other told me that it was spoken in a light hearted manner.

Be that as it may,I could not infer the purpose of the speaker but it set me thinking and I reflected on the following points.

1. My life is an open book and if my action lead to people branding me as anti-establishment so be it.

2. In the case of the Town Council losing 16 millions, perhaps if there are more Singaporean who are willing to point out the danger of investing in Lehman-linked structured products we would not have lost money and lost faith in the Town Council.

3. As a social study educator, I have a responsibility to ensure that my students can think, be able to see both side of a coin, able to put forward an argument that is backed by examples and not make sweaping statement. If by bring up alternative view points, I am branded as anti-PAP and anti Establishment so be it.

4. The greatest irony was that PM Lee said this " You don't have to be pro-PAP. The most important thing is, you have to be pro-Singapore, arguing for what you believe in..."ST. 17.11.2008

I have taught countless no of students since 1986. Yes I have told them many things which cannot be found in the text book because these are contemporary history. Few writers are brave enough to write about contemporary history as they can be challenged. Far easier to write about ancient history as all the players are dead.

The stories are not based on myth and here say but actual events that took place in Singapore. A simple check in the archive or the library would prove the reliability of what I have said.

For example I told the students about Chia Thye Poh , the longest-serving political prisoner in the history of Singapore and perhaps the longest-serving prisoner of conscience of the 20th century, or if not, one it's longest-serving political prisoners about the time when I borough a group of students to visit him when he was living in Sentosa.

My objectives was not to produced a group of anti-Singapore, pro communist revolutionary but to show my normal stream students about a living life historical player. This is but one way to bring history alive. By listening to him, students will be able to understand different points of view of how history is written in Singapore.

In a very small way, I play a similar role that Tan Pin Pin did with her film Invisible City, the Singapore that remains invisible, pointing to national consciousness as a fragmented reality with critical bits ignored or demonised.

I will continue to be the person who will point out the critical bits that have been ignored or demonised.

I would love to hear from my students about what I have written.

1. Would you have preferred for me to read from text book? read from the PowerPoint the words that are the same as the text book?

2. Would you have preferred for me to drill you and give you practise on worksheet ?

3. Would you have preferred for the Ess to keep her mouth shut and not waste time making you ask her 20 questions at the beginning of each year?

I will continue to be an Ess and be labelled anti-establishment.

2008-11-15T00:12:00.004+08:00

This are the two friends who help mama to put on the make up.

This is the first time in many years that I put on make up for a dinner.

The teachers before the Staff Dinner begins

2008-11-14T17:11:00.002+08:00

This afternoon after lunch, we saw an old car and Mr. Lee decided to check out the engine.

The teachers decided to check out the car.

This is the group of teachers that mama drives them crazy this year. That is why mama is in the driving seat.

Mama in Batam

2008-11-13T19:58:00.007+08:00

Mama have to go for a staff retreat from Thursday to Saturday in Batam.

She has to take a ferry to go to Batam.
Mama gets seasick when she travels by sea.

Uncle Gana and Aunty Yati set next to mama who is having sea sick.

This is the ferry that mama took.

This is the view outside the hotel.

Another view outside the hotel.

Mama having luch with her freinds.

This is the room where mama stays.

A room with the view.

Mamam misses Ariel, Atticus, Anicius, Amabel, Aubrey and Angus especially Daddy.

2008-11-06T20:08:00.010+08:00

Here is something to consider.

I strongly feel that John MaCain should have chosen me to be his VP running mate for the following reasons:

1. I have one more child than Sarah Paulin.

2. At least my eighteen year old daughter is not about to make me a grandmother.

3. I do not wear lipstick unlike her. (Sarah said that the only different between a pit bull and a hockey mun is lipstcik) What does that make me?

4. I have more chops on mypassport then she has.

5. I would never have spent US$150 000 on clothes

6. I would not have support the plan to build a bridge to nowhere.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gravina_Island_Bridge)

7. At least I can name the following that are printed in US. e.g.The New York Times, Time, Newsweek.

8.I will not vote consistently AGAINST environmental protections, as I have the ESS army to lead.

9. I would not have voted FOR more oil drilling as I believe in renewable resources.

10.I would not have posed for a series of nude photographs back in 1986 like Sarah Paulin had when she was running for Wasila Beauty Pageant as a contestant as I only have the body of an Ess.

11. At least I know that Africa is a continent and not a country.

12. I have a great relationship with my brother-in-law as we share the same spirit.

13. Unlik Sarah Paulin,I know that Canada, Mexico, and the United States comprise the North American Free Trade Zone.

Love Is The Reason

2008-10-20T14:41:00.001+08:00

Is it?

Love Is The Reason

2008-10-20T14:34:00.003+08:00

Christmas is coming. Present? Shopping? That big fat turkey?

Even though you may not be a Christian, have you ever wondered why Christmas is celebrated?

If you are a Christian, have you ever wonder what is beyond the Christmas tree, the new clothes, the present, the party?

Christmas in the Esshold is family, eating together, spending time together.It's is that one time of the year where the house is open for one and all to visit, to take stock, to renew friendship.

If you are not a Christian, spare a thought for you family and friends.

If you are, have you forgotten about that child?

2008-10-09T19:56:00.010+08:00

Finally, have the time to blog while lying in bed for the past three days.

We lived in a stressed-filled world, chasing after awards, msg, grades, etc.

Until I had to have an emergency operation on Tuesday. The operation went well, now waiting for the test results which will come in one week time.

Where does one draws the line between work and play?

What happens when one fight for the right to rest? stay at home to be with the children, or even to just take time to re-charge?

One is constantly asked to sacrifice for the higher good, the greater glory.

What should one do when asked to sacrifice for a worthy person? What about an irresponsible person,who squander away all his inheritance and suddenly decided to turn over a new leave? Or what about someone who is not willing to turn over a new leave?

Do we have a choice who we can help?

No, because we are called to be a human.

It has never been up to us to decided who is worthly enough to be saved or help.

We are just called to help.

Those who need help, those who deserve help, those who does not deserve help and especially those who are too proud to need our help. When they called, we just have to bit our tongue ( and not say I told you so) but just smile and help.

After all, it does not matter who we help as long as we do.

2008-09-24T21:08:00.006+08:00

This week, I learnt an important lesson on human relationship, leadership and kinship.

There are as many ways to be a leader as there are management book out there to tell you how to be a leader.

You can command your man to obey you, demand that they follow you into the battle field and obey you with out question.

Yet you can inspire them when they see that you have their interest at heart.

When they see that you really care for them and is willing to die together with them, there is no need to command, order or shout at them.

They, on their own, will be seeking ways to get the mission accomplished.

I am humbled to be given this opportunity to learn this lesson this week.

2008-09-10T22:04:00.001+08:00

So difficult to be still.....

So many things to do.......

So many commitment to fulfill.......

Where do I begin?

Where do I start?

Be still.............................

Did I make it?

2008-09-07T12:02:00.005+08:00

When I was sixteen, my name was just Ong Hock Lin. One day,my mother told me that if I passed my O level, she will allowed me to be a Catholic. At that time, I was growing up in a simple Chinese household and she was trying to pray to what ever god to listen to her prayer to help pull her daughter out of the poverty cycle.

It was six months before the O level, and I studied like hell, (no pun intended) as this will be my only opportunity to be a Catholic. My father had objected violently to it as he was afraid that I will not be at his funeral.

Of course, I have to choose a Catholic name. Growing up with a Catholic education in St. Anthony's Convent, we sang a hymn each morning after singing the National Anthem.

I remebered that the song Make Me a Channel of Your Peace touched me very much.

It was the prayer of St Francis of Assis and so I decided to adpot this name. I sent up to do what the prayer described.

After being a Catholic for 28 years,(I was baptised in 1980) I wonder if I had lived up to half of what the prayer had described.

Reflecting on my vocation as a teacher, I felt that I have fallen short in some areas.

C'est la vie.
That's life.

Singing the song today in Church, I have decided to tried yet again to live up to the name and the saint's vision that is encompassed in this song.

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace
Based on a prayer by St. Francis

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love,
there is injury, Your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in You.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness - only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Oh Master,
grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we recieve,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace

2008-09-07T12:01:00.001+08:00

2008-08-31T11:46:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow, my dad would have been dead for two years. I still miss him. Below are two articles that I have written about him.

This picture was taken in 2000 Chinese New Year.

A simple. humble man who always stand by his friends and family.

We are the fruit of his labour.

What Will You Leave Behind?

2008-08-30T11:15:00.001+08:00

MY FATHER did not die a rich man. He did not leave us a big house or an assortment of stocks and shares. One might say, he almost died a pauper.

Yet, he left us a living legacy neither fame nor fortune could buy.

At his wake, I finally met his boss — a Mr Gourley, whom I had heard my father talk about but whom I had never met. I thanked him for giving my father a job that enabled him to see my sibling and me through tertiary education.

Mr Gourley said he had done so because of an incident that occurred when they were working together. A company had shipped an extra 500 boxes of goods that were not listed on the invoice. My father reported this to him.

My father was made a laughing stock by co-workers who said he could have pocketed the goods, and no one would have been any the wiser. But Mr Gourley judged my father an honest man.

Motivational speakers and marketers these days like to encourage us to leave a legacy behind. Often, a legacy is defined as physical gifts of money or other personal property.

Insurance salesmen will stress that we have to leave some money behind for our children in case death comes unexpectedly. And yes, it is good to plan ahead and make sure our children are well taken care off.

But how many of us have taken the time to examine our lives and see what other kind of legacy we are leaving behind? How do we treat our colleagues, neighbours, spouse and parents? What is our attitude towards money, leisure and material goods?

What about our relations with people from different races? How do we handle adversity? Do we give our children a life of comfort, or do we ensure they are able to handle failure and fear?

As an educator, I have seen parents lose control of their children because they did not establish a good relationship with them when they were young. I have seen how these youngsters' friends have a greater say in what they do, say and wear than their parents have.

I met parents who work from before their children wake up until well after the kids' bedtime. In one case, a rebellious teenage boy proudly proclaimed to me that he had been brought up by the maid as his parents were too busy earning money.

I can understand the need to work hard as the cost of living in Singapore is high. My father had to work three jobs to earn enough to send us to university. Yet, in his own quiet, uncommunicative way, he ensured that values like honesty and diligence were instilled in us.

Once, I asked a student why he was not concerned with doing well for the O levels. He told me bluntly that his father's business would see him provided for through to old age, so he did not see the need to work or to have an education.

I asked him what would happen if his father's business failed? He confidently replied that this would not happen. One can only infer that he was so used to a life of luxury that he could not foresee any other scenario.

In our drive to provide our children and ourselves with a comfortable, stress-free life, have we produced a generation of children who have lost their drive?

That hunger in the belly which the pre-1960s generation had, that helped transform Singapore into what she is today? That sense of mission and purpose we had when independence was thrust upon us?

There is a Chinese saying: A family inheritance will not survive the third generation. The first generation of Singaporeans gained independence, while the second have performed an economic miracle. Will the third and current generation squander the wealth away?

That will depend on the kind of legacy we leave for our children — just as our children are a living legacy to how we live our lives.

This article first appeared in TODAY on 13th December 2006

ILLNESS AND THE FINAL DIRECTIVE

2008-08-30T06:48:00.001+08:00

Last Monday, my dad died peacefully at the Singapore General Hospital.

He was admitted on Aug 24; four days later, we were informed that he had end-stage kidney failure. We were given two options.

If we took no action, he would most probably die in a few weeks. But if he went for dialysis treatment, this might kill him immediately as his heart was only partially functioning.

As his children, we wanted to do all we could to save our father's life. We found it difficult to accept that this handsome, once-strong man was going to leave us so soon.

But we still had one last lesson to learn from him: To respect his wish.

The doctor had asked him if he wanted dialysis and he had said, "no". And we asked him ourselves and explained to him the consequence of his decision.

He chose to die with dignity.

We discovered that he had had kidney failure for the past three years but each time he was asked if he wanted dialysis, he had said, "no".

He hid this fact from us. We can only speculate why he did not tell us.

Perhaps, he was afraid of wasting our money, as dialysis is costly.

Or perhaps he was afraid of the process itself after seeing many patients visit the National Kidney Foundation Dialysis Centre near his home.

But most probably, he did not want to be a burden to my mother, as she would have had to take care of him.

By making his wish known to his doctor, he made it easier for his children to respect his wish not to prolong his life, which would also have made him suffer unnecessarily.

He had not known about the existence of the Advance Medical Directive (AMD) but if he had, we believe that he would have signed it.

What is an AMD?

It is a legal document you sign in advance to inform the doctor treating you that in the event you become terminally ill or unconscious, you choose not to have any extraordinary life sustaining treatment to prolong your life.

This is a voluntary decision. It is a criminal offence for anyone to force or coerce you to make an AMD against your will. It is not a popular document and not many have signed one since it was implemented in 1996.

Most of us seldom think about death, about what happens after we die, or how we should die. Many of us think it is bad luck to think about such a morbid subject.

However, new progress in medical knowledge and technology present new options for patients, healthcare givers and family members.

And some of these options will raise new predicaments and dilemmas in the area of ethics and law.

One problem that our family faced was that modern technology could technically prolong my father's life in the final stage of his terminal illness.

When he was at that stage, we came to understand that medical technology could not arrest the dying process, difficult as it was for us to accept it.

Did we commit euthanasia or mercy killing? No, we did not take any action to deliberately end my father's life through unnatural means, such as the administration of lethal chemicals.

His wish was to let the dying process take its natural course.

My father's death made us think: Are we prepared for death?

The family would like to thank the nurses of Ward 64, Room 14 for taking care of Uncle William on his last journey to Singapore General Hospital.

2008-08-16T12:03:00.002+08:00

A reader posted the comments below. We took sometime to answer her question because we do not want any one to misunderstand us. We do apologise if the language used is explicit

hello mother of six!
I am happy to read your post. I have a question, its been running in my mind since I am already engaged.

We are answering some questionnaires so that we will be ready in family situations and family life.
We are both Catholic and would like to follow the Catholic faith.

My question is, does "married couples" engage in oral sex and mutual masturbation?

I am totally against it. I don't know if he was right and I am wrong. I don't know if my perception of it is wrong.

Honestly I have some fears or may be worries about the honeymoon. I don't know if this is common for women who's getting married too.

My conscience want to ask a priest about it and of course consult a practicing Catholic couples. yours truly,confused.

Posted by Anonymous to Mother of Six at 2:54 PM

I have invited Mr. Ess, father of six to answer as he has the ability to express our values much more clearly then ever I can .

hello confused,

yes, married couples do engage in oral sex and mutual masturbation. Even Catholic couples (married by definition) do so but it is not allowed by the Catholic Church.

But when you ask such a question, you must distinguish between what the world calls sex and what the church calls sex.

This world, as circumscribed by pop culture and its propaganda machines, define sex as orgasm.

So it follows that oral sex is orgasm in the mouth, anal sex is orgasm in the anus, sex (by which they mean vaginal sex) is orgasm in the vagina and masturbation is orgasm in the hand. These are, of course, simplified explanations and great variety exists.

I could go on but my point is sufficiently made.

To understand how the church defines the union that we conveniently call sex, we must ask who is present. The answer ought not to surprise you - it's a manage-a-tois (my metaphor) between a husband, his wife and God.

Cheeky to think that the Roman Catholic Church, since the time of her founder, has required of us, the exclusive practice of manage-a-tois. Cheeky but true!

If we remove God from the union, we have pre marital sex. If we remove any two partners, we have masturbation - yes, for the wits reading this, that would mean that God masturbates but I am not even going to bother to answer such moronisity.

If a husband and his wife indulge in masturbation with each other as company, we have mutual masturbation. Mutual masturbation is practiced via two methods - masturbation of self and masturbation of partner.

Both methods may be effected consecutively or concurrently. Coming back to menage-a-tois, what do the three partners contribute towards the covenantal union?

The man - a penis, the woman - a vagina and God - blessings beyond our wildest fantasies. Following this thought, we realise that Catholic sex occurs when a man ejaculates into a woman's vagina and this occurs during the bonds of matrimony.

Any other definition of sex is not tolerated by the Catholic church. Therefore, as long as you and your betrothed practice only vaginal sex (ejaculation into the vagina) from the time of your honeymoon onwards..., you're both ok!

Understand that there is nothing wrong with the following: penis in anus, penis in mouth and touching, caressing, kissing, licking any part of your partner's/lover's/spouse's body provided his orgasm (ejaculation of sperm) occurs within your vagina.

A final thought, Pope John Paul 2 encouraged husbands to ensure their wives orgasms before their own!!!

Yours,
father of six!

There is a lot of reading to choose from if you want to learn a bit.

Start with:a: Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) 1639, 1647,1642 and
Pope John Paul 2's Theology of the Body (select your interests).b: CCC 1646, 1652 and

the document Humanae Vitae (find a synopsis).c: CCC 2336 and the CCC sections on the fifth and sixth commandments.

Happy Birthday Mushi

2008-08-14T08:15:00.006+08:00

With the current debate on encouraging more woman to give birth in Singapore, I cannot help but put in my two cents worth.

I gave birth to Anicius when I was 42. Being the sixth child, I do not get any incentive from the government. No baby bonus, no paid 3 months leaves. Three weeks after I gave birth I went back to school. He was in ICU for 21 days and it cost us close to $15 000. We were in serious debts. My mum wanted me to sell him away to coevr cost and make my life easier.

How much is a baby worth?

Look at him now. He is three years old today.

He brings so much joy and laught into the family that no amount of money, baby bonus can replace. To those who whine and bitch about needing more help from the government and employer, my suggestion is not to giev birth at all.

If you really love a child, money is not in the equation.

It's the little things ....

2008-08-11T08:12:00.007+08:00

Thank to "old cow" who helped to produce this video. Apologies for not getting the copyright of the photo images. It is too good to keep it in my computer. Only those above 35 will understand the song.

Happy Birthday Singapore.

Forty Four years. That was how long my parents had been married. Over the years, they have made many mistake, quarreled and fought over many issues. But it is the little things that they shared that stays in my mind.

One of the last thing my father asked me to do before he died was to buy a gold bracelet for my mum's birthday.

From my mum, I learnt how to obey and honour our husband. My father has a fiery temper and was known to share his opinions loudly. He has hurt her sometimes yet she never reproached him but was there to listen to him and support his ideas.

She always listen to him first before expressing her opinions. She was never a door mat for him to step on and she can be as stubborn as a mule.(She was born in the year of the ox). But she was willing to hold her tongue and build a solid marriage over the years. She ensures that his needs are well taken care.

Till today, even though he has been dead for two years, she still keeps a daily communion with him. Last year, we went to Penang the place where they spent their honeymoon. She brough along a small picture of him.

Till death do us part?

2008-07-23T16:38:00.005+08:00

When I am at my death bed, I hope that I can say

"I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith."
2 Timothy 4:7

I hope that I have done less damage and more good to all the students who have the misfortune to be taugh by me.

I am not proud of the many occassions that I have use harsh words to scold you and scorn you.

I will try yet again to complete the race.

2008-07-20T15:20:00.002+08:00

To lollapaloozalicious.
Thank you for taking care of brown bear. He used to sit here in the pride of the home. Only two persons can sit on this chiar, Mamafess and brown bear.

Yes, he needed a bath and also some repair.
Thank you for doing that
http://lollapaloozalicious.blogspot.com/

I am glad he has found a new home and also a new mama.

2008-06-14T20:51:00.003+08:00

I have three sons. The eldest, will be completing his poly diploma soon and will be enlisted by April 1st 2009 for National Service, my second son will be nine soon and my youngest, will be turning three in August.

When my friend gave birth to her only son fifteen years ago, she took steps to migrate to Australia as she does not want her son to serve National Service. I have another friend who has five sons now living in New Zealand yet have taken the bold or may I say practical decision to ensure that all her five sons will serve national services.

I read with anguish the pain that Clifton Lam’s mother must be going through now. Although the Pilot Officer Cadet fulfilled his dream posthumously to be a pilot, I am sure that his family would rather he be alive.

If our sons and soldiers were to die in the line of fire or while on duty serving our country it might not be as painful as having them die from routine training. The sense of uselessness and futility is compounded and the search for answer must be forth coming so that the faith we have in the National Service system can be regained and rebuilt.

I must confess that I was tempted to follow my friend’s footstep and migrate in order that our sons need not go through National Services in the past.

But National Service is the backbone of our defense strategy. As our population is small, we do not have the luxury to have a large professional army. Singapore depends on her citizen army to defend and protect her.

Thus, most of us willing send our sons to do National Service yet worried for them. We have faith that the army will take care of them when they are in camp. The SAF have also improved it communication system in its effort to assure the parents that their sons are in good hands.

When my husband was enlisted over twenty three years ago, we were only allowed to see him off at a community center. For the next three weeks, his mother and I were in limbo as we do not know what kind of life he was going through.

Now parents are invite to Pulau Tekong to see the facilities and living conditions that their sons will be in before they start Basic Military Training. Food has been out sourced so that they are more edible now then before, they are provided with trolley bags with wheels so that they need not carry the heavy Ali Baba bags like in the past and they are transported in air-con comfort unlike before where they have to endure the boneshaker.

Yet two training fatalities in two days have result in a seismic shift in our trust in the training regime and system.

There is a need for the mothers and fathers to be convinced that there are system and check in place that will ensure that our sons do not die from a simple yet preventable ailment like heat stroke.

According to Dr. Bernard Loo, a specialist in defence studies at the Institute of Defence and Strategic Studies, safety regulations in the Singapore Armed Forces were already one of the most stringent in the world.

What more could the SAF do to re-assure parents that their sons are in good hands? Perhaps it is time to change the mind set of the training system. Maybe our soldiers must learn to draw the line and learn to say no when they do not feel well.

When I was growing up in the 1970’s there was this pop song with this lyric

“Billy, don't be a hero! Don't be a fool with your life!”

Perhaps it is now time to look at the attitude and beliefs of our soldiers and trainer officers towards training. After all,training systems, regulations and procedures are run by people.

Are there too many “heroes” in the SAF?

The writer is a mother of six and believes that NS a vital part for the survival of Singapore.

Old friend

2008-06-14T16:54:00.002+08:00

This is the set of construction bricks that I played with when I was young. It was a pleasant surprise to see that my mum still keep some of my toys after all these years. (P.S. I am already 45 years old)

This is the fan that was brought for my mum when she got married. It should be more than 45 years old, KDK and has NEVER I repeat NEVER broken down. Says a lot about present day fan

This is the vanity mirror that was part of her wedding gift.

Guess who? About 4 years old.

Yours truly on her wedding day.

Old photo, like old friends are hard to come by. I hope to get in touch with some great friends from SAC like Chan Wei Yee, Agatha Quick, Chay Sow Wan, Susan Wang Kee Ngor , and of course the Pink Panther.

2008-06-03T09:31:00.003+08:00

Uncle Gana having breakfast.

Mama trying to wake up

Mama with a cute baby

Mama blogging to show you the blog

2008-06-03T09:26:00.003+08:00

This is mama bloging.

She is having breakfast with Uncle Gana.

Mama playing with a baby

2008-06-02T23:57:00.003+08:00

Today Mama went to a war museum

This is an American plane.

This is a tank.

This is another view of the tank.

Mama's friends and mama at a plane.

2008-06-02T00:36:00.002+08:00

To day, mama went to the History Meusum.

Later I visited a children and I met the nun who runs the home.

Uncle Gana and I had coffee at a road side cafe.

This is the tour guide who is showing us around Vietnam.

2008-06-01T07:25:00.002+08:00

Dear Atticus, Ariel and Moshi

Today mama was at Cu Chi tunnel. This is a model of a sholider who fought in the Vietnam War.

This is mama posing infront of a tank.

Mama aslo bought two pair of shoes made from rubber tyre.

Later, mama and her friend Mrs Nathern had lunch at place called Indochine.

Mama missed you all very much.

Bless moshi, bless ariel, bless atticus, bless bel, bre and gus

Especially for mushi, ariel and atticus not forgeting bel, bre and gus

2008-05-30T22:15:00.005+08:00

This is teh plane that mummy took.

Mummy sitting in the president's chair.

Mummy with her friends.

This is the suit that mummy is in.

This is how mummy looks like 20 years ago

Puff the magic garden

2008-03-21T17:57:00.003+08:00

The Asean (Association of South-east Asian Nations) Agreement on Transboundary Haze Pollution was signed in 2002. Yet not surprising, only Indonesia, where most of the fire occur, is the only country that has not ratified it.

According to Mr Alvin Lie, a legislator from the National Mandate Party, the benefits of ratifying the pact are smaller compared to the obligations. With ratification, Indonesia would be obligated to introduce legislation and measures to promote zero-burning policy.

Before Indonesia’s neighbours begin to criticise Indonesia for dragging it feet, we must understand Indonesia’s point of view. Banning or curbing clearing the forest by fire might prove to be an unpopular legislation.
The late Indonesian President Soeharto renewed a ban on this practice of slash-and-burn (S&B) as a means of land clearing in 1997. But this practice continued till today and prosecutions take time. Thus few small holding farmers have stuck to this ban.

Clearly the advantages of using S&B out weight the prospects of being charged in court.

S & B clear space while the ash acts as a fertilizer. In addition, burning allows the seedling to grow faster as the soil structure is improved and weeds are prevented from growing. Finally, this method reduced the possibility of diseases and pests as the burning acts as a form of sterilization.

Unless alternatives to S&B bring about similar benefits, Indonesia farmers will not be motivated to stop this practice.

For example, clearing the land and removing the wood only clear the space for the farmers without the additional benefits that S&B brings. Farmers would then have to spend money on fertilisers, insecticides and herbicides which would add to the cost of production. Thus, the possibility of farmers abandoning this method or considering an alternative method is slim.

Yet, S&B is known to deplete forests and biodiversity, contribute as much as 25 % to global warming. Each year in August, the farmers in Indonesia are expected to clear the land using this method.

What can Asean do to motivate the farmers to stop S&B to clear land?

One possibility is to bring direct foreign investment (DFI) in manufacturing into the agricultural areas while consolidating the small holding farms own by these farmers. Once the farmers earn more income by working in the factories, they would be willing to give up being farmers. Meanwhile their farms can be consolidated so that these farms can be operated in an extensive, large scale operation like the plantations in Malaysia.

Malaysia does not use the S&B method to clear the land and have been able to make plantation a profitable and viable economic alternative compared to small scale farming.

Perhaps Singapore should take the lead by bring more DFI into Indonesia. It could provide training for the farmers to equip them with the skills to work in the manufacturing sectors while other Asean members like Malaysia and Brunei can start to invest in Indonesia. Concerned developed countries like USA, Britain and the European Union can now play a direct role in helping to reduce the carbon footprint of Indonesia by following suit.

It has been demonstrated empirically that as a country develop, the portion of its population working in the primary agricultural sector will decrease.

If Asian can collectively offer this carrot, I am sure that Indonesia will find that the benefits of ratifying the pact are bigger compared to the obligations that signing this pact will bring.

Fighting the haze can no longer be seen as a national issue with Indonesia being the sole fire fighter. Neither can we focus on fighter fighting strategies like mobilising resources to fight the fires triggered by S&B practices.

Unless there is a significant wind of change, we can expect the fire in Indonesia to continue burning.